The Break-Up Diet

Welcome to The Break-up Diet with Yas and Ilma

• Yasmin Misner and Ilma Shahrene • Season 1 • Episode 1

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What would you do if your boyfriend broke up with you just 48 hours after your divorce party? Join Yaz and Ilma as we kick off The Breakup Diet by sharing our most challenging and ironic breakup stories. From Ilma’s dramatic divorce to Yaz's emotional rollercoaster of situationships, we explore the chaos and humor that follow a breakup. Listen to our honest reflections on the unexpected impact of casual relationships and the toxins we say goodbye to in the aftermath.

Ever thought about setting up a fake photo shoot to uncover a boyfriend’s secrets? We have, and we share those slightly psychotic schemes along with our fantasies of confronting cheating partners in the most dramatic scenarios. This chapter is a wild ride through the emotional stages of a breakup, from anger to eventual calmness. Laugh with us as we recount these stories and find solidarity in the chaos and creativity that follow a breakup, all in the quest for closure and peace of mind.

Ready for some practical advice on post-breakup recovery? We’ve got you covered! In this chapter, we discuss the importance of embracing your emotions, staying active, and even escaping to sunnier locales for a mood boost. We also touch on the therapeutic power of writing unsent letters and relying on friends for support. Plus, we’re excited about the future of our podcast, bringing in diverse guests and perspectives. Subscribe, engage with us on social media, and share your stories and questions for future episodes!

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Yas:

So, Ilma, what's your worst breakup? My?

Ilma:

worst breakup. My divorce, you bitch.

Yas:

Yeah, true, that's how we met, isn't it? Yes, that was a dumb question. Buckle up bitches. This is gonna get bumpy. This is the Breakup Diet, so I'm Yaz.

Ilma:

And I'm Ilma, and this is the Breakup Diet. I'm Yaz and I'm Ilma, and this is the Breakup Diet. This is where we get here Different cleanse, different weed, get rid of all the toxins, all the bullshit.

Yas:

Share some funny stories. So, basically, we started a podcast. This is the podcast. If you haven't worked it out, we've started a breakup podcast to talk about all things breakup related. Share some advice, get some funny stories, share some of our own funny stories yeah, there's a lot of it.

Ilma:

So buckle up, let's go. So why?

Yas:

don't we start with how we met?

Ilma:

I was drunk as fuck. I mean, divorce party, what am I gonna be like? But hit it off completely and I think, like a week after, we just caught up being like oh, like, how's rest of your night, and I was like, oh, I am got dumped 48 hours after my divorce party as well. So I was seeing someone for 10 months. He dumped me two days after my divorce party, not before, because I could have celebrated a divorce and a breakup yeah, you know what he did.

Yas:

He really did you dirty because he like, basically. So we met at Ilma's divorce party. So she was very iconic. She had outfit changes she was a long dress and then she was a short dress, licking the cake knife. It was iconic, anyway. We also had her new like. At the time her current boyfriend had a banner being like new husband all over like got in every single photo, which is so rude.

Ilma:

Oh yeah and then group photo. He's kissing my cheek so I can't even like crop him out or like blur him out.

Yas:

He's kissing my cheek that's just rude, because he probably thought like he was gonna.

Ilma:

I don't know, he knew he was gonna dump me at the divorce party, he told me. He told me, yes, at your divorce party, no, no no after the divorce party we like after the breakup.

Ilma:

We had a call again about it and he was like, yeah, like I just felt so bad being at a divorce party because I knew that we were gonna have this like really tough conversation, and I was like you couldn't have had this conversation even two days before my divorce party. Yes, I would have been sad, but it would have been more iconic because it's like a divorce and a breakup.

Yas:

Come on now I'm a bit shocked. That's disgusting, right. And then he continued to take all these videos and photos wearing next husband.

Ilma:

And then he stole my divorce tiara. He wore my divorced tiara oh my god, yeah what the?

Yas:

hell is this guy sorry, that's rough, like honestly, and what then? So after like two days later, he broke up with you, or 10 days two days after, he broke up with me and said oh like why?

Ilma:

or just was, I see ya oh, he was just like you know. I want to focus on my career, blah, blah blah and I'm like what career I hate?

Yas:

that. I hate that. I hate that excuse. I hate that excuse.

Ilma:

I mean, I feel like men used to go to war, still write love letters and then still have time for like a mistress in the army. You know, like there is always time to juggle a relationship, multiple relationships, even while you know you're working and figuring out your career. Yeah, to be honest, we don't ask for much we don't ask for much do we ask?

Ilma:

I don't think we ask to begin with, we're just here, all friendly, we want the vibe, and somehow that's like too overwhelming. Yeah, we just want to hang out and that's like, oh, no, like my work. Oh, let me log back onto my computer like, oh, excel spreadsheet like well, goodbye said person bye-bye bullshit. That's what we're saying. Bye-bye to the toxins, bye-bye to yeah, just bye-bye bullshit, bye-bye bullshit.

Yas:

So what was hard are you going through your marriage, divorce, or the situation? Situation, shit breakup. I would say situation breakup. They play with your head, so do you agree? Oh?

Ilma:

my god, it's like shameful because, like after my like marriage separation, two days after I was fine, I was like in the streets um six months, loose on the streetsose, on the streets, loose on the streets. Six months after this breakup I'm still like, oh, how do I date again?

Yas:

Oh my God, the situation yeah.

Ilma:

The situationship has messed me up way more than my divorce, like I don't know if I'd be able to be like strong enough to even have a party for that, like a breakup party.

Yas:

No, no, just cry, not even. Yeah, I can like feel tears like coming up.

Ilma:

Like no one warns you of how bad a situationship breakup is. It's such a mind-fucking experience.

Yas:

I think it's because you, basically you don't really have, not that you have anyone in life, but I mean, like you have the person, whereas like when you're in a relationship, you have that person there, like with you all the time, whereas in a situation you don't quite have them you know, yeah, they're like a dangled like yeah, and especially if they're ugly, the ugly ones get you, the ugly ones get you dirty.

Ilma:

They get you so bad. Like because they're like, yeah, you don't think that they would ever do that to you, but they do that, oh, but they will do it ten times worse.

Yas:

They do it, they always do it. Honestly, I think you have to date good-looking guys, because at least if they do it, they're good-looking, whereas the ugly ones they're just, but good-looking guys are so dumb.

Ilma:

Yes.

Yas:

Not all.

Ilma:

I mean? I mean, you know what, If I want an accessory, I'll go for a good-looking guy, and actually right now I'm looking for an accessory. Yeah, you know? All right, so I've done the money with the divorce, I've gone for the wealth I've gone for. How did that work out for you though I would say you know I got divorced, so not that bad. Then I went for the personality Terrible. Now I'm just going to go purely for the looks.

Yas:

There we go. Yeah, that's the next step, that's phase.

Ilma:

I don't know how many more phases I need to be in this breakup diet, but that is somewhere down the line, I think that is one of the last phases.

Yas:

And then marriage, again Full circle Marriage again.

Ilma:

Oh, oh, back at it.

Yas:

and then another divorce party, except you bring another plus one and she's another cool bitch that happens to be on the list.

Ilma:

Yeah, we'll get her on the pod, yeah exactly, but I'm not the only one that's been through something super rough in the last six months no, there's something in the air.

Yas:

There's something in the air because so many people I know either having serious problems, their life is like upside down, or or they're going through a divorce not a divorce, sorry, I just looked at I mean a breakup, a breakup they're going. I just looked at you at divorce. Sorry, that was really rough no, I feel like there's something in the air. Even I had like a little blip. What happened? Well, like I didn't have a breakup breakup, but I had like a breakup for like four days and it was rough. It was rough.

Ilma:

So you had a four-day breakup diet. Talk us through it. What happened?

Yas:

Oh yeah. So this is why we, like have come up with the idea to call it the breakup diet. Um, basically, I don't know if you've had it and if you haven't had it, yeah, maybe you didn't love them that much, but if you love them, you just can't eat, for, like, at least, I was talking to my friend about this and she was like um, she was like I didn't have the diet. She was like I was so annoyed because I was waiting for my glow up and I was like um, she was like I didn't have the diet. She was like I was so annoyed because I was waiting for my glow up and I was like, yeah, it's honestly really bad, but it's kind of good post, like, because you just feel like you know yeah, you like have a dip in energy.

Yas:

You're like nesting and then somehow it like hits you to get your shit together and you're like back stronger than ever yeah, honestly it's sometimes with a different body, sometimes not, which is fine, but mentally, yeah, it's like yeah and it kind of makes you, I think for me, even though it's like four days like it makes you then be like, okay, what am I gonna do like as in, not to get them back or anything like that, but like what am I gonna do in my life like that makes me better? You know you're upgrading. It's like a download, you know, on the phone, that's so insightful.

Ilma:

To have that in four days is quite a big achievement, because some people are depressed for six months.

Yas:

No, no, no, no, no. The first two days so annoyed, not even annoyed, so upset, right. Then. Okay, maybe it was a bit longer, but it was like a week, a week. It was like sunday to sunday, that it was sunday to sunday anyway. First two days very sad, very sad and like feeling like you, you could have done better. You know what I mean. That you go through like being really sad, then like feeling like you, you could have done better. You know what I mean. That you go through like being really sad, then like regretting stuff and thinking that you could have done something, and then I feel like you get a bit angry, yeah, and then after you get a bit like more calm. You know cause? You've sat with it, but you're still a little angry, but you're more calm.

Ilma:

That's a scary kind of calm to be when you're like angry.

Yas:

It's like serial killer, almost like yes, yeah I mean, yeah, I did, I almost did feel like so, so you killed someone no, like so psycho, but I stopped myself, so that was good tell us, is it legal? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, go on so I have a boyfriend right now, so please, let's like not listen to this, but oh wow block your ears, boyfriend so, um.

Yas:

So basically, my friend and I, we thought it would be a great idea because to I don't know if I can say this right now, you know what I mean. I want to say it.

Yas:

But basically we had a whole plot to have a fake photo shoot set up so I organized a photo shoot from a brand that my friend owns and then get just a girl at the photo shoot as a model in it for the brand and then have my friend ask questions to find out the truth. But we didn't do it, we just laughed about it for an hour or two that is psycho yes, I didn't do it, but it was funny, like it was funny no, that is iconic but very psychotic.

Ilma:

I'm kind of scared like do you see my hands?

Yas:

they are shaking what we didn't do it okay.

Ilma:

Well, what stopped you? You guys had this idea to begin with. Why did you not go like all the way?

Yas:

deranged thinking it's a bit too much like a funny movie slash, like do we really care? No, it was just, but it did. You know what it did do? It did take my mind off everything and it did like make us laugh for a solid like three hours as we were plotting this whole how it was gonna work oh, you know what that is girlhood, isn't it? Yeah, but we obviously she'd like we never sent anything, we never like organized it maybe for next time next time organize like a like a parent trap situation yes, yes, that's what it was.

Ilma:

Slide into our dms. Do you want us to organize this for you guys because we can like? We've got the creative director right here, oh my god, I don't know.

Yas:

I want to be known like that.

Ilma:

Oh well, watch out that could be our sidekick outside the breakup diet.

Yas:

We're like the situation ship trapper yeah, the situation trapper like yeah, yeah, that's kind of funny no, that is iconic.

Ilma:

That is iconic, have you never done anything psycho. I didn't do it, though, so I'm not actually psycho, I just thought it well, I've only really had two relationships and they were kind of in my mid-20s I think. If I was younger, when I was 17, I probably would have like pelted their car with eggs. That is like kind of a fantasy of mine take the eggs out of the diet and onto their car low.

Yas:

Yeah, that would be kind of funny. What would I want to do? I would just love you know it sounds. This sounds bad too. I'm gonna come off so psycho, but like the freak out diet anyway, I'm getting so excited, I'm getting so excited by the ideas. Um would be like, say, your partner or whatever had like a another person, like a mistress or something. I just think it would be so it would not be fun. Actually, I'm taking it back it wouldn't be fun.

Yas:

But a little bit fun to like see that and then go off because I never get angry, but like that would be what like, if you like, walked into a restaurant and you saw him and you're like you, it would be so horrible iconic, but it would be kind of fun like I'd throw a drink oh my god, that is such a fantasy right, it's not just me that rom-com fantasy of like just pelting a drink at his face yeah, and like shouting a little bit, yeah, yeah.

Ilma:

And then the poor side chicks, just caught in the middle being like I don't know he had a girlfriend to begin with, yeah, and then you become friends with her, yeah, and then you scheme together against him. Yeah, girlhood, I'm telling you, men, go to war, we just scheme and have fun and throw drinks.

Yas:

Yeah, because misery loves company.

Ilma:

That is true more the merrier.

Yas:

God, I'm going to sound so, so psycho actually.

Ilma:

Come on, bring it, bring it bring it the breakup. Psycho is here.

Yas:

Listen. If you need some ideas, hit us up.

Ilma:

This is the episode for it, I think. I think we should just list down like top five unhinged things we should do after a situationship breakup or any regular breakup Probably not for a divorce for legal purposes.

Yas:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what else you could do really, besides those types of things, though you know what I'm saying. Like, I think the most fun ones would be the surprising the like caught in the act. I think the most fun ones would be the surprising the like caught in the act.

Ilma:

Oh, that is such a dream of mine. You know what I mean.

Yas:

It's so horrible, it would be so horrible. You know, actually I'm afraid I'm going to redo it. I would not like to get caught with my partner doing the act, but my best friend's partner, oh, that would be good. That would be good. Oh my God, I would be good. That would be good. Oh my God, I would be like, yeah, pig.

Ilma:

Cussing him out like your best friend's man yeah.

Yas:

That one's better.

Ilma:

I do feel like every girl needs to experience just like jumping your boyfriend's, I mean your friend's boyfriend. I've never done it. I would love to, like you, hear the stories of how shit they treat like your beautiful best friends and you. Just, sometimes you see them and I'm like, oh, if I like clocked your jaw, I'd feel really good, just give him a little punch, no way no way just like a little like tap yeah yeah, I mean, you know something to like put them in their place they need to be humbled.

Ilma:

Shitty partners need to be humbled yeah you know, that is true.

Yas:

Amen to that amen to that so what would you do like for a piece of advice for somebody?

Ilma:

so like say it obviously depends on the situation like what's actually happened, but for somebody going through a breakup like this second, what would you think is your number one, like your quick guide to like a very general I think the quick guide would be ride through the feelings, cry it out as much as you can, even if you think that it's like weeks too long that you're crying. You're better off just crying it right now.

Ilma:

Get a lot of rest as well, take time off work I'm not gonna lie I had a mental health day at work as well, where I'm like, oh, like I can't come in, sorry guys, and I took like three days off work to like regulate my sleep, and then you slowly get back to the gym. Fitness, physical health as well. You got to prioritize and, yeah, don't neglect your eating too much as well. Yeah, like a diet isn't a bad thing. A diet has to include food at the end of the day, yeah, yeah, because it'll also make you feel better too.

Yas:

Oh, definitely, are you?

Ilma:

kidding me Ice cream with your girlfriends crying about like how badly it got done.

Yas:

Are you kidding me Eating the ice cream? It's the best thing ever, because it's like adrenaline and dolphins, everything all at once, and then the sleep after yeah, you know, I feel like I don't know if you're like this, but whenever I'm really sad I tend to be really dramatic, like I'll go sit in like a park bench and just cry or like lying in public in london is the most freeing thing ever.

Ilma:

No one cares yeah, they don't.

Yas:

I only had one person walk past me and be like don't cry, and that was it really in london? Yeah, no way yeah he's like be happy be happy, bro, I'll clock your door.

Ilma:

But no, definitely cried out and just know that it'll get better like time. Ultimately is the healer which sucks.

Yas:

Yeah, like I wish you could like speed it up, but you've got to go through it I think like, yeah, you've got to go through your feelings and, like I said at the start, it's like very one minute you're this, one minute you're that, one minute you're this, you're sad, and then you're sad amongst the whole thing. But I think something that I thought helped me like very specific would be to write it down like write it down like totally and writing like letters to the ex helps as well.

Ilma:

Not that you're going to send it to him, yeah you see, that's like the crazy thing.

Yas:

You don't actually do it, you just like you like do it as if you're gonna do it yeah, it's just like the best release ever.

Yas:

What would you say was like your best way of coping talking about it with my friends, like I talk about it so many times and like poor them because you must sound like a um, you know, like I never had to do this, I think. Actually when I was younger there were CDs Not that many but when you put it in your CD player and it has a scratch or something, it just keeps going like this. That's what you sound like to your friends and it's so annoying, but like you've got to have good friends that just talk and talk about it.

Ilma:

Yeah, your good friends will understand you If about it yeah your good friends will understand you.

Yas:

If they're good friends, they'll. They'll be there, yeah, and then I went to the gym too, but but if you're too sued to it, like I was crying on the treadmill and then I was like this is a bit embarrassing actually I don't know.

Ilma:

In london nothing really is embarrassing in public. You can get away with anything yeah, there are some weird but then I feel like your gym has hot people, so yeah, it's just sweat desperation my eyes are just red and puffy too.

Yas:

No, yeah, no, that wasn't the one. When I started doing that, I was like I gotta go home right now but, yeah, moving your body of some sort, like even like a long walk or something too and you know the probably the best advice get out of the UK, chase some sunshine.

Ilma:

Yeah. From 1D to vitamin D.

Yas:

Yeah, yeah, escape, because also like, if you go away, then when you come back you feel reset too yeah yeah, and you feel like, okay, I felt all that emotion, it's gone now 's it.

Ilma:

If you can go away, go away yeah, if not, hibernate and then, when you feel like you've rotted enough, get out. Don't get lost in it, because at the end of the day, you are your own person and you should be able to live on your own because you're all who you have how long would you say you should wait until you start immediately?

Yas:

yeah, immediately. I agree, like immediately because what's the point, honestly? Why wait like what?

Ilma:

are you waiting for what? I hate this whole narrative of like I gotta heal first bitch. You're not an athlete, you didn't injure, you didn't fracture your like I don't know bone or something like yes, cry it out because you're a human, but then get up, move on.

Yas:

That's the best way to like and also like there's so many shitty people out there like get to know them all, yeah, and it's gonna take you a long time probably to find something, yeah, so why wait any?

Ilma:

further, just like get out it. It's more fun. It is more fun and it's more unhinged because you care less, and I think because you care less, it somehow might attract the right person for you.

Yas:

Yeah, because you also it doesn't feel like.

Ilma:

You're posing too much.

Yas:

Or your eggs are in the basket, even if they might only be in that basket.

Ilma:

Yeah.

Yas:

They're not because they're still in your ex's basket. Yeah, exactly, um god. But yeah, it's definitely. I would say go straight away, try to, even not saying like you have to go on dates, but like flirt with the, the waiter, or flirt with like somebody on holiday or you know, get the number or something entertainer.

Ilma:

You don't have to like I don't know, hook up immediately, but just like entertain the idea of that. Like you know, eventually you're gonna find someone and it's not gonna be by you. Just you know, mourning for x amount of times too long, you know, because you're not gonna find anybody in your living room like unfortunately not. The apps can only take you out so much. Do you know what?

Yas:

I mean yeah, yeah apps are in person.

Ilma:

What's better for you?

Yas:

I mean, obviously I think you, like most people, would prefer to just meet somebody in person, um, but I feel like nowadays a lot of it is done through apps. Slash like I don't see the big taboo about it, because you are on Instagram half like half the day. You're on TikTok half the day looking at people. I bet you don't know everybody you're looking at and so like, and you're also talking to people on that already. I don't get why people get so weird about limit limiting themselves by not going on dating apps when instagram is basically that oh, instagram is for sure now a dating app.

Ilma:

It's everything now it's all linked in like anything is a dating app if you're brave enough yeah, literally like.

Yas:

So I'm like and obviously like you have to meet up and you have to work after the meetup, so yeah, the effort has to be mutual you know?

Ilma:

sure, but I've um found that apps work better in the winter time because all the like good men they're like not in london, they're not gonna be on the apps. All the good men from I don't know abroad are in london out. So summer is when you want to meet people out, yeah, yeah and apps work the best, personally, for me in the winter yeah, yeah, that is actually very, very insightful.

Ilma:

Yeah, that's good yeah, because, like last year, when I would be on the apps in the summertime, dry if I'd get matches. It would be like dates that keep on getting rescheduled, rescheduled to the point that you just kind of give up both of you.

Yas:

But winter, everyone's here, christmas yeah, and you just want to like cozy up yeah, exactly apps work the best in the winter. What is it called um?

Ilma:

cuffing season. Cuffing season yeah, cuffing season is done best from the apps. It's too cold to go out, it's too cold to meet people. The apps will be ragingly active, especially the week before christmas really, the matches I had the week before christmas. Everyone like, just wants like someone to like cheeky text while they're in their family house I think that's what it is and they get so like, oh, what are you doing after new year's? Like I'm back in london from, like you know, blah blah, blah town. Um, let's meet, let's meet.

Yas:

No, yeah december and january guys I've never thought about that. I think with like dating apps you go from september until april april yeah, and then april.

Ilma:

To like what april to september in the streets. Girl in the streets, do not be home. Yeah, welcome to the jungle. Oh my god, the concrete jungle.

Yas:

Yeah, get on it. You're doing, you're meeting up with people more, yeah.

Ilma:

Rooftop bars here, beach clubs abroad. You are not staying in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you're not going to be on the apps in those times.

Yas:

You're going to be out, I think you can be on the apps a little bit, like if you want to like make that little contact, because you might be at a place and they're at that place too, you know, without even having to text them, you just see them, yeah, you just know your bearings. Yeah, yeah, you're doing research.

Ilma:

Exactly, exactly, and that's all right. There's nothing wrong with a bit of research. Everyone likes to be prepared.

Yas:

You know we do. We do when you're going into an interview, you're prepared Exactly.

Ilma:

Exactly.

Yas:

It's how you get successful.

Ilma:

That's right.

Yas:

Anyway. So like enough about that. With this podcast we're thinking it won't just be us too, so you don't have to just listen to us, to us yapping because we, we can yap yeah we want to have, like, lots of different people on so from all different ages too, I think right, yeah, definitely, and all like different types of orientations.

Ilma:

It's not just going to be us like breeders. Yeah, that's what they call us now. Yeah, yeah, the lgbtq me calls us breeders, breeders yeah, I've never heard that. Yeah, okay, well one day to another.

Yas:

All kinds we'll get like perspective from men, from like the lgbt community, and you know more situations like us as well yeah, because it'd be funny to have the male um perspective like for sure, for sure yeah, like whether it's um they agree with, like I think from this is just like a side thing, but I think that women take less time to get over a breakup than men, like as in. Like they go through it really fast at the beginning and not as much later, whereas like men, I think a few months it hits them. Yeah, yeah, but at the start they might not seem to care, but maybe, maybe, maybe we're wrong maybe we'll get humbled real bad on this podcast and never have to air this.

Ilma:

You never know, yeah literally.

Yas:

Yeah, I hope you guys like it and please listen like subscribe and hit us up in the dms.

Ilma:

If you've got any questions, we'll try and address it here as well yeah, any stories too, like that would be fun. I can't just be all us guys, so buckle up, bitches, it's gonna get bumpy.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Ilma Shahrene

Co-host
Head Shot

Yasmin Misner

Co-host