The Break-Up Diet

The Impact of Social Media on Modern Breakups

• Season 1 • Episode 5

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Feeling lost in the whirlwind of modern breakups? We've been there, and in this poignant episode of The Breakup Diet, we share our own struggles with sudden loneliness and fear long after a breakup. Tune in as we dissect how social media keeps past relationships alive and kicking, making it nearly impossible to achieve true no-contact. We'll share effective strategies for managing these feelings, from unfollowing and muting exes to the crucial importance of self-reflection and healing over time.

Ever felt the sting of a last-minute cancellation or the hollow silence of being ghosted? Our personal stories bring these frustrations to life as we explore the unique challenges of modern dating. Discover coping mechanisms to deal with ghosting, especially when it happens in established relationships. We'll also delve into the added layers of scrutiny that social media brings to relationship dynamics, and the significance of public versus private moments in shaping our interactions.

Breakups and social media can wreak havoc on your mental health, but we've got your back. Learn practical tips to navigate the emotional rollercoaster of post-breakup social media stalking and the pitfalls of validation-seeking online. We'll discuss the benefits of limiting your time online and focusing on real-life connections. Whether it's treating yourself to a spa day or leaning on friends for support, remember, you're the best thing that ever happened to them.

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Ilma:

Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the Breakup Diet. I had the worst wave of like fear of being single. Even though I have been single for the last six months, I've never like experienced it so badly over the weekend. Nothing even happened, in particular, nothing triggered, it Just had like a sad girl moment in the Uber.

Yas:

Coming back from miami. Well, yeah, that's called the holiday blues. Obviously, if you go from miami back to london where it's rainy, you're gonna have some wave of emotion.

Ilma:

Oh it was like a huge wave, it was like a tsunami level of like chronic depression. I can't lie like oh, I'm like actually alone, like I'm single. What happened? I was so strong. I was strong literally the last time I saw you.

Yas:

Yeah, but why? Why is this any different from normal?

Ilma:

I don't, I can't put a finger on it.

Yas:

Okay, and now you just came back and you just had the wave. Are you still going through the wave?

Ilma:

The wave you get when you're like, oh, like I should break up with and I'm scared to be alone. Why is? It so scary because my life is categorically better than being in a shitty relationship I think it's an age thing.

Yas:

Do you think it's a? I can't put a finger on that. You're scared because you don't think you'll meet somebody else yeah, yeah, because it's hard oh, it is hard.

Ilma:

Yeah, I'm not trying to like scare anyone. But finding love in the digital era is hard. Being single in the digital era is hard.

Yas:

Yeah, going through a breakup in the digital era is hard. Being single in the digital era is hard. Going through a breakup in the digital era is hard. Buckle up bitches, it's going to get bumpy. This is the breakup diet. Do you think it's worse now because of, like, all the social medias and stuff?

Ilma:

Yeah, because I always happen to be like best friends with my partner's girls. Like all my partner's girlfriends, I'm always like best friends, chummy with them, so I obviously follow them on social media, yeah, so I see like years and pictures of you know my exes and I know their whereabouts exactly on a day-to-day basis, even though I don't follow any of my exes. Why wouldn't you just unfollow them?

Yas:

still like girls, we still hang out so I feel like nowadays, with social media, you can't escape like even if you block your ex, you meet your ex, whatever can't escape their digital footprint just like take us back to the 90s, when like your ex was like your ex and no contact was actually like possible. Like no phone.

Ilma:

No phone, no letters, no nothing Actually. Yeah, no contact at its purest form, because right now we are actually doing no contact.

Yas:

No, to be fair. So you want to just block or mute all those girls? Why don't you just mute their stories? Do you secretly want to know?

Ilma:

Don't call me out like that. I'm trying to move on Well are you no yes.

Yas:

You don't have a strategy when you're breaking up. You don't like, you don't block, you don't remove. You still have their numbers, you still have everything, okay.

Ilma:

I still have their numbers for like emergency purposes.

Yas:

All you're going to do call emergency. What are you gonna do? Call them and be like somebody robbed me and he's gonna be like cool.

Ilma:

Yeah, with one of my exes I've literally said do not ever contact me, and it's been like no contact fully I do find myself stalking him from time to time yeah, fair. I feel like everybody just see like how much further his hairline's gone back fair. That's very valid it's like nothing you're like you're manifesting it, to go more bold, please I, like you know me, in this breakup diet just blossoming him in his breakup diet. He needs his minoxidil fair.

Yas:

You know what I mean. But how do you, how are you stopping yourself not going crazy like are you looking all the time?

Ilma:

No, no, no, I think like at the start, I would look all the time as time goes, Like we say time is the biggest healer. But then there are times where I like have like a thought, I'm like, do they dress better or worse? I hope they're worse. Is there a new girl? But then if I like think of a new girl, that's when I get like ethical and go oh no I hope he's changed for her. I don't want another woman to suffer because of him I want him to suffer, not another woman be like who is she?

Yas:

what's she about? Where does she live? Is she cool, is she pretty brah, you know? And then after I might be like I, after I cool down, then I think about it and be like I hope she doesn't get treated that way we want the best for our exes right.

Ilma:

It depends if they were shitty to me, lots of other people no I don't want the best for them not for them, not for them, but then also like I would hope they learn from it. I get what you're saying. Do you think they like have like that bone of self-reflection where they're like, ooh, maybe. I shouldn't have cheated.

Yas:

Yeah, or do you think it's just the opportunity and that they're always like that and then when they hit a certain age they don't take that opportunity anymore because they're like, ah, I kind of want some kids now probably shouldn't do it. Do you think kids stop them from?

Ilma:

cheating. I think for a time, probably, Well, maybe my sadness is valid. I feel like I'm not going to find anyone. Yeah, you are.

Yas:

Yeah you are, but today we're going to start talking about the digital age, socials and stuff like that and getting trapped, stalking your ex, getting ghosted no, one talks about it enough and I feel like our therapists aren't qualified enough when it comes to tackling like social media and relationships Is your therapist old 40s, early 40s, so she like gets it to an extent. But not totally.

Ilma:

Not totally I'd be like oh my gosh, gosh. I'm finding myself checking if this new guy is like, like, like, liking my stories, liking my stuff, and then she's like, what's that got to do with anything? And I'm like girl validation, like there are literally like guys that I do not care about, but I find myself searching for their names in my story views. And for what? For like a like millisecond dopamine hit. Am I not better?

Yas:

than that. Yes, basically it's just like random guys. Are these ones actually?

Ilma:

you've kind of fancy a bit I mean a bit like maybe you've gone on like one or two dates how much thought do you put in when you just tap someone's story? Yeah, but when that's like someone that I've like been on dates with, even though I didn't like have deep feelings for them, it is fun to be like what they up to have you ever been ghosted?

Yas:

I think so. Yeah, I feel like I've been ghosted for a few months and they pop up right and then I ghost them back.

Ilma:

Haha, revenge ghost revenge ghost is such a thing. There'd be a scene where a scenario where ghosting is actually acceptable yeah, if they're really weird yeah, sometimes they don't need an explanation. Yeah, like sorry.

Yas:

If you really rude to the waiter on a first date or were like bragging so much in an extreme way, then I feel like you're a warrant of ghost. Have you ever been going on a date and then just stood up?

Ilma:

oh, no, no, no no neither of us touch wood, luckily no, that is a horrible, horrible thing to do.

Yas:

This isn't ghosting, but like you get all the way there as a girl, you get all the way ready and then someone cancels on you like 10, 15 minutes before. Have you had that?

Ilma:

no, I've had cancellation on the same day, like with a couple of hours notice. Yeah, so like in the afternoon, which I think is like not ideal but fine. Actually I have this amazing story. He like cancelled on me on the very last minute and he got like a positive COVID result and I'm like oh, like obviously we can't go on this day and he's like I feel really bad.

Ilma:

You know, let me make up to you, Like, why don't you just like go ahead with the reservation and take my card? And I'm like yes, I will. I will Thank you Thank you, thank you, and we didn't go crazy or anything.

Yas:

I wanted to.

Ilma:

Yeah, but also I feel like you say yeah, I feel like everyone says like oh, my god, if I was in that situation I so would have or like this or that. Nah, you probably wouldn't, no, just spent like the regular, like 200 pounds that you would spend with like another girlfriend. Have you been ghosted at like a really inconvenient time where, like, life is shit? As it is and then you're like fuck, just when you thought you were going to get laid, they disappear. I don.

Yas:

I don't think I have you know, I feel like I You're not as desperate as me, Bob.

Ilma:

No, no, no, no no.

Yas:

I feel like I've probably been ghosted, I just can't remember. But, as I said, like I don't think I've ever been ghosted, and just ghosted, I feel like they've always come back, so then I've forgotten about it. You know what I mean. Is there anything you would do like if you were ghosted now? Do you think to try to cope with?

Ilma:

it. If it was someone that I really really like in person, we got along and there was all this chemistry and you would think that we'd see each other again. If he didn't reply, I probably would have followed up being like come on.

Yas:

Yeah, where are you? What are you doing? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I get you. It also depends on how far into your relationship you are imagine being ghosted like two months in or something like. Something really psychotic or a relationship, full-blown relationship like that, and then they just go to do that would be horrible.

Ilma:

Well, that's happened to me. Yeah, I have been ghosted in a really bad way maybe I have yep, yep, yep. Wow, the trauma's like really like coming back now, that is.

Yas:

That is bad. I hope you unfollowed him, at least, obviously. And blocked, and blocked the friends Obviously Okay, good, no chance, okay, so if it's really bad, you are full cutting off all contact of friends. I don't know.

Ilma:

It has to be really really, really bad. But luckily, like in recent times, I've had like short fun flings where, like it's been like no bad feelings, no hard feelings, so it's like easy for me to maintain friendships with his girlfriends. But then it does get like a bit like annoying when you see your exes on socials. Yeah, it's the fact that you like visually see them.

Yas:

Now Do you think that with social media that it makes it harder to break up with somebody?

Ilma:

Oh my God. Yes, because you have to like archive all the photos and remove all the tags.

Yas:

You post when you have like a boyfriend. Yeah yeah, I post.

Ilma:

But normally in like groupish situations.

Yas:

Yeah.

Ilma:

But even then sometimes I would put like definitely stories.

Yas:

Yeah, do you think it's like bad if they don't post you at all?

Ilma:

If you don't post me, it's like are you ashamed or do you have a wife?

Yas:

That's why it's shady though, because I'm like oh, I'm not posting any of my personal life, but I'm like you are, but then you're posting a day out with your lads like. Yeah, you only think that you should be posted if you're like a girlfriend or something serious, because then you know, if some guy posts a new girl every single day, like weekend, almost you'd be like what the hell.

Ilma:

See social media, so much anxiety with like relationships. These are thoughts that you would not have even 10 years ago.

Yas:

No, literally Even on old Instagram you wouldn't even have thoughts like this and no one would go through my head. I don't know if this is psychotic. I would be like, well, everybody thinks you're single anyway. So the amount of slide-ins, like sorry, people are still gonna slide in, people are still gonna like everything, people are still gonna message you. They have no shame because, oh, they didn't know. You knew, you knew, you knew.

Ilma:

But it's crazy how, like instagram literally went from hashtag mango, hashtag juice to soft launch, hard launch, fucking launch, this launch, that picture of the boyfriend's arm like yeah, I don't get the pic, like the just little pictures I get little snippets.

Yas:

It's like we don't care I'm like is he really? Is he really ugly that you're not posting his face? Also, no one cares about your life as much as you do. I don't think you know what I mean. Even if you have, like a crazy ex stalking you that you kind of want to show that you've moved on, they're probably going to look at it for a hot second. They're going to work out who it is. Let's be honest, especially if they're a girl.

Ilma:

We work it out in like five minutes research the girls where they're, from what school they went to, where do they work literally, and also I feel like you can almost pick, like I know he would be interested in her.

Yas:

I mean, there's like is that not so scary though? Oh?

Ilma:

my god, dude us as a generation. We're actually so messed up.

Yas:

Do you think boys do the same thing? You think you think boys look at girls' Instagram? I think they care a bit. Probably If it's your proper boyfriend, I feel like they'd care if you're. Oh yeah, for sure, For sure. Or do you think they look at your followers and then could work it out like girls? I don't know, we're gonna have to have a boy on to ask this question.

Ilma:

We actually really do. No, I feel like men are trash and women can be dumb yeah, women can be dumb or naive.

Yas:

I feel like you also. Sometimes you don't want to believe what you already know, or you give them the benefit of the doubt. Us women hand out the benefit of the doubt like literally like, honestly, the benefit of the doubt, but then I also feel like sometimes it is good to give a benefit of the doubt, once maybe.

Ilma:

Maybe once, but not twice, not twice.

Yas:

Yeah, and not twice. Once fine, fool me once. Shame on you. You Fool me twice something.

Ilma:

Shame on me.

Yas:

Social media has really messed up the way that we date.

Ilma:

And when you do break up with someone, it doesn't make the breakup as hard. Yeah, life doesn't. Yeah, no, it doesn't feel real.

Yas:

We don't process our emotions properly because it's a game on social media with the likes and the love hearts and especially like if you were dating somebody and then you break up but you say you never posted them, never had anything, that they were really your boyfriend. Yeah, it doesn't count right. But then also, you already have those people in your DM, you already have those likes already. You literally don't have to change anything. The only thing you change if you're not doing it already you shameful pigs if you are is reply yeah, it's that easy.

Ilma:

Dude, this is scary. Yeah, is that easy dude? This is scary. I just feel like it makes me feel very disposable as a person because of social media. Yeah, it just makes me think if you can get one of me, you can. There's surely 10 of me on your follow list.

Yas:

People have so much access to lots of pretty people and pretty things, but it's also like a vibe. You know what I mean. I don't think you can fake chemistry it's the element of being replaceable.

Yas:

If I got model a, I can definitely get model b I feel like that's a thing for ugly men that are insecure ditch you before you can ditch them because they feel like you're gonna do it at some point. So it's a game. It's a game. So I feel like dating apps social media, basically, is a dating app has made breakups so much easier, but so much worse. Yeah, easier because you able to just swipe right, basically swipe right and move on.

Ilma:

Yeah, block, delete swipe right, move on wow wow, which is so scary.

Yas:

Yeah, yeah you don't even have time to process your emotions and especially if you don't have like any ties to this person as in like you're not, you don't live together, you're not married, you're not, you haven't bought a house together, no dog, like. It's almost so easy to just be like. So yeah, close that book, open another okay.

Ilma:

So now that you say close that book, is the book actually closed because of social media? Because I feel like no, it's like with all my access to a tiny bit, it's like tinily open just because I have an access to them.

Yas:

They've got like public accounts. They aren't public and they're private. Are you following them on a fake account?

Ilma:

Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't care enough to make another account. I don't even know how to do that. That's why Yaz made the account for our Instagram page.

Yas:

I thought you were going to say that's why Yaz has three fake accounts. No, I have one, hey.

Ilma:

I just realized something Maybe from the podcast account I can stalk my exes.

Yas:

Yeah, but they're going to know that you're in the podcast. Wait, so you're it's a brain behind the beauty.

Ilma:

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait so you're fully looking at your ex's stories, not my, not his stories. I would see them on my friend's stories, like on our mutual stories, but I wouldn't dare to like look at their stories. I'd see like their profile, like pictures, and see what they're up to how do you not know?

Yas:

I would be far too tempted. If they had the stories going up and you knew that they were on like a lad's trip, I would be so tempted to look, oh, the temptation is there, but I care too much.

Ilma:

Yeah, if I'm like being, if he sees me in it, yeah, like I personally care, like it's kind of embarrassing. I feel like it's embarrassing as it is to stalk, but like there's a line and that's my line yeah, I just do it from a fake account.

Yas:

No, so I think when you're actually trying to move on, you have to be really honest about it, because who is really it's? I think it takes a long time to be like done, done, done oh, it's a really long time, like my recent breakup.

Ilma:

Six months tour, yeah, six months recovery. Six months of recovery, six months of like finding the closure by asking every single friend I have so say they like, he liked your story today.

Yas:

What would that do to you? Clothes would be on the ground.

Ilma:

yeah, yeah, I'd be like when, where, really, if it was my recent ex. Yeah, yeah.

Yas:

And what do you think about if so? Say, you have a boyfriend now, yes, right, so you have one. And then your ex knows you have one, but then likes your story and does it? Not everyone, but just some. Ew, fuck me right. Ew, weird that. I'd be like get a job, dude.

Ilma:

But what?

Yas:

is the psychology about? Cause boys do do that. What is the psychology about that? Honestly, or they think you're, they think you're single or they, but I don't think they do.

Ilma:

I think they're just trying to get in your head. Honestly, it's a game to them. It's probably like another version of call of duty. Honest, it's a game to them. It's probably like another version of call of duty and their duties to piss us off.

Yas:

Yeah, literally, do you think, um, with like dating apps, now they have just made it so easy to get back out there that people are just not caring and not staying in relationships that long sometimes I think, do you think social media amplifies, like the worst of the human behavior?

Ilma:

therefore, we think every man's a cheater and every woman's dumb and complacent.

Yas:

You post a story, you get loads of likes from loads of guys all the time. Yeah, you know what I mean. And then one day you're feeling a bit down, you're having a depression. Coming back from Miami, you're going to start to look at those likes a bit more you know what I mean and be like ooh who's in there, I might be interested in.

Yas:

Is there a verified tick somewhere? Yeah, is there a shirtless picture? I don't know? Like show me what I'm working with, but no, but you know what I say. Like it's so easy. And then, even if you say your boyfriend pisses you off, yeah, you can easily just be like.

Ilma:

What are my other options? What's on my? What's on my? What do you call DM requests?

Yas:

Yeah, that is like hell.

Ilma:

By the way, dm requests Hell Because, like you, obviously connect your social media to like Raya and stuff, so if you don't match with someone on Raya, they'll like message you so like basically, my like, my Insta dms right now is just like raya backups that I haven't matched with.

Yas:

I don't think I ever got that, even when I was on raya.

Ilma:

No, I feel like you have it probably went in your hidden because they probably said some no on my hidden.

Yas:

It's like fly to dubai, no, fly to dubai. I'll give you 20K to like go on someone's yacht.

Ilma:

I would believe it, and 15 for her.

Yas:

I would believe it. I was like what the hell? And then I said also another one, like I don't know why I'm telling you guys this, but OnlyFans, this girl didn't even tell her parents. Oh yeah, I get those that's really creepy.

Ilma:

That makes me sick, right, really creepy, that makes me sick. Right, that makes me sick to the stomach, right, I'm like, and with the whole parent element like the pedophilic angle of it yeah, or what is another one, just like I love you oh yeah, typical, typical.

Yas:

I literally post on my stories when there's like a guy in the picture do you wait so you post when there's a guy in the picture, as in like I have a crush on someone, do you post like. Do you revenge post and say you break up with someone? Will you go post up loads of like good photos on your instagram?

Ilma:

okay. So my revenge posts are like not like hot pics per se. Hot pics is like is for like the newbies, for like the new crushes I have. The revenge posts are like of me just having the time of my life, being silly, goofy, goofy and like super, super funny, because I'm like you're not going to find anyone as funny as me.

Yas:

You're like. You already know how hot I am. You've seen me enough.

Ilma:

There will be way hotter people than me, but funny but funny, nah yeah. So like I amplify, like my, I go clown mode when I'm in my revenge era like clown.

Yas:

You see, I feel like I wouldn't do that. Why not? I think that's good, but I would be posting like hot, I'd be booking. I don't even do photo shoots, but I'd be booking a photo shoot and I'd be slaying the Instagram story I'd go on a holiday, would you go?

Ilma:

on a holiday like a revenge holiday and get some content.

Yas:

Yeah, but I like I'd go on the holiday. Would you go on the holiday like a revenge holiday? Get some content? Yeah, and but I probably wouldn't be posting the photos of having so much fun. I would be getting my friends to post videos so that they can do the following story genius, and look at me there like I don't even need to brag about having so much fun. You know what I mean.

Ilma:

You know genius right, I need to learn from you. I need to like make it a little bit hotter than full clown mode, because everyone else is probably like watching it, being like, oh like. Why is she saying her shoes look like Timothee Chalamet that was, that was today.

Yas:

Yeah, yeah so you're trying to get revenge on someone today, is it, mr? Mr, don't say it don't say it.

Ilma:

Don't say it, I won't say it. See, like we're in it too deep. Social media is terrible, like we're trying to talk about and be like guys, like you know, in this breakup diet, like be smarter, like you know, choose yourself and not like care about social media. Everybody's on, it can't escape. But like the show must go on, life must go on. It's just, it's life.

Yas:

Now social media is a very much real life but I feel like, if it's me see, I'm more cutthroat with the blocking stuff, I won't, I think I would unremove, but I think I also would block because I know myself and I would look at it no, that's complete.

Ilma:

I I think that's really noble and I really respect you for that and I would block all their friends but Friends yeah, even the girlfriend yeah.

Yas:

So then you do get over it, like at the start you still? Might search it up, but after a while you forget.

Ilma:

Yeah.

Yas:

No, definitely Definitely so dramatic. I would be deleting all numbers as well. Straight away. Bang, really Mum's number's deleted.

Ilma:

Your dad's, your sister, your brother, your auntie, your grandma, all deleted. That's crazy.

Yas:

I think I have, like my first, ex's like parents like everyone, but I'm a really bad drunk caller, so that's why yeah oh, that's crazy like I can't terrifying. That's scary though yeah, they're really scary, scarier than being single, is that? Because I don't even do it on purpose, I don't even say anything, I just like, like to talk to them. What do you talk about, babe? Well, I don't, right now, I wouldn't do it because I don't have an ex, but, example previous, I do it no I do it with my boyfriend still which is really all.

Ilma:

So you call your exes with your boyfriend?

Yas:

no, no, no, no, no I call my boyfriend okay when drunk well, that's normal babe.

Ilma:

Yeah, lucky you babe. No, no, no, rub it in my face, babe. No, but if we broke up.

Yas:

I feel like my mind, if it was a recent breakup, oh that's natural, that's natural. If it's like a year on, I'd be like because you probably have a situationship you can call exactly by then. You would hope you will, because you go on the dating app. So you go on social media and you get all yeah, and now it's not even. It's not even like just Instagram. It's like Instagram, facebook, twitter, linkedin no, linkedin actually.

Ilma:

No, actually LinkedIn, no. We need to talk about LinkedIn and the effect it has on your relationships because with like, whenever before I go on like a date with someone I always like, do a background screen and I find their linkedin but it doesn't link it shows when you view something.

Yas:

No, I have no shame. I will. You have no shame on that, but you won't see someone's instagram story. Instagram story it's like boundaries babe.

Ilma:

No, no, no, sorry, no, come on boundaries, it's the same as like you drink vodka but you wouldn't drink tequila. There's boundaries.

Yas:

No, that's so bad.

Ilma:

That's the worst example.

Yas:

Sorry, LinkedIn is stalkerish.

Ilma:

Oh no, I want to see because.

Yas:

I want to know if he's going to do anything scary to me.

Ilma:

I want to know if he's going to do anything scary to me. I want to know if he's got a job he cares about Not whether he respects women, but whether he has a job that he cares losing about Really.

Yas:

Oh yeah, oh yeah. No, I'm not looking at somebody's LinkedIn.

Ilma:

Do you not want to know if they've got a job babe?

Yas:

I don't know, I wouldn't look at that. I just wouldn't look at the linkedin. But instagram story I'd go ahead. You getting dms from boys like on linkedin.

Ilma:

That has happened. How do they slide in? Actually, no one of my exes slid in on dms. I mean on linkedin dms being like, oh my gosh, you're in london because we met in australia during like study abroad, and he's like whoa, you're in london, let's like meet up.

Yas:

And I was just like what that's so aggressive on linkedin. I've not had to slide in, but I've had somebody be like I know your um brother and dad, how I hope job's going well, and this is like a week ago. I was like what the hell so say? You have your ex and you're looking at his stuff, whatever. You just broke up. How do you stop yourself not actually going insane and checking all the time? Like you know, at the start you said you did what. You just stopped caring as much, yeah, yeah.

Ilma:

So for me, my thing is I like let my emotions run. So if I'm feeling manic, stalker mode, I will embrace that, because I think, just like the way that I am, my emotions are very short-lived, as long as I like embrace it fully so do you think like you get over breakups quite fast, then no, no, no, no, the sadness will be there and then, you know, my nervous system calms down, and over time I'm just like don't care, you know.

Yas:

That's the biggest tale of how to know. If you're over somebody, though, too, is if you don't, you forget to stalk their stuff oh, it's like the most liberating thing ever I've had.

Ilma:

Like you remember, like I don't you forget to stalk their stuff. Oh, it's like the most liberating thing ever I've had. That. And then, like you remember, like I don't know, like weeks after the last time you stalked me, you're like wait, I haven't done this in a long time.

Yas:

Yeah.

Ilma:

The end is here.

Yas:

No, that is kind of fun, You're like ooh. Oh, I'm telling you it's such a like because it is torturous, the stalking game, the checking if they've seen your stuff. And do you think, like, because there's so much hookup culture now, do you think that people that's like affected everything?

Ilma:

is hookup.

Yas:

Culture has definitely been flared 10 times more because of social media I just like, I feel like it, just obviously, because it shows the best stuff all the time that it really gets your head oh yeah, you, you have this distorted like perception of these person you like.

Ilma:

Hold them to a way higher pedestal than you normally would have if you just met them casually in person do you think that's like a perfect timing for like a rebound.

Yas:

Lots of people do it straight away, but is that really that bad or not?

Ilma:

it's hard to tell because everything moves so quickly. I don't know, we just live a very fast-paced world, but it's just like easy to find a backup.

Yas:

So say you're dating a guy, yeah, they just give you like little breadcrumbs. They don't really give you a lot, but a little breadcrumbs over social media, so they're like one. They'll like one photo, but then they won't like like next, or they might like react to flame emojis, but then they react't like the next one, or they might like react to flame emojis, but then they'll react to flame emojis to somebody else. You know my standards are low, so I'll accept breadcrumbs in there. You're like, I like the story.

Ilma:

Where's? My clothes Like that breadcrumb is going to feel like a birthday cake. You know, I won't even yearn for more, I'll be like. Thank you and yearn for more. I'll be like thank you. Thank you for this great honor. The torch of a hall was built for his wife, like you know, these paintings and everything. And here we are probably the smartest women has ever been, the most beautiful women have ever been. Here we are settling for a fire emoji bashing social media.

Ilma:

So much to be fair, but actually it is like a good way to, like you, connect with so many different people, you wouldn't there's like bad points, but there's also good points no, it is exciting, very exciting, to have access to all these like gorgeous, like human beings it's so stalkery and maybe psycho, but, like, I quite like knowing stuff that comes up on instagram do you prefer being like having tabs on it on them?

Yas:

Background information is a bit healthy.

Ilma:

Now you're like oh, we've actually got these random mutuals Random, but there's mutuals, so I know that he's going to be like a semi-decent person. Oh, linkedin, he's got a very like good job Okay. So clearly he's like well-accomplished and is kind of self-disciplined. Do your background check.

Yas:

Actually use social media for the best and do your background check, ladies yeah, I mean, I don't even feel like you have to tell the ladies are they gonna be doing it? They've already done it. Oh, if your girlfriend says she hasn't, she definitely has liar. I wonder if boys do it too, though you know what boys definitely do is they go into tagged photos, and girls you know. The funny thing about girls is girls will go on the tagged photos and look for the best photo to show their friends, but then boys is they'll go on the tagged photos and pick the worst photo of the girl and be like that's what she actually looks like. Is that not so messed up? How different they are. The girls are all here being like yeah, yeah, he's good, he's good.

Ilma:

Oh, we put them up on the pedestal and like the guys are like look, she's alright, like she's for now. Although we don't know this, we need to actually ask someone.

Yas:

Yeah, we need to ask, but I feel like they do do that. I feel like I've heard that. I don't think I've made it up. Do you know what? Let's get the truth, yaz. Yeah, we need to get the truth.

Ilma:

We need to get a boy on here think it could be innocent and then obviously for the most part I think 75 of ghosting is like done with ill intent do you think people ghost because they've been ghosted, maybe, or because they just can't be bothered to give an explanation, or they just did not like you enough to even give you that?

Yas:

don't want to have the confrontation that comes with being like. I don't like you, I don't see.

Ilma:

Yeah yeah, it's an awkward text right being like I don't see this going anywhere.

Yas:

Wish you the best but I don't even think I would write that. I would just be like, hey, I'm a bit busy, don't really think I can meet, and then, if they ask me again, I'd say something kind of similar, and then they get the hint without ghosting yeah, no, I completely got that. I completely got I think, that's nicer, because then they kind of get the hint.

Ilma:

But at least you're replying, you're not leaving them on the like there's no trail of you being like this, didn't? This isn't working now, bye yeah, because I feel like the with ghosting.

Yas:

I feel like it's the unknown. You don't know why that gets you but yeah.

Ilma:

So social media is going to be a thing. It's only going to get more and more intrusive with our lives, and we kind of have no choice to accept it. So how do we embrace it at its best without it taking a toll on our mental health?

Yas:

well, I feel like it's kind of hard not to go insane no, it is like how can you? You're getting so much stimulation from different things. You know what I mean and like I feel like it's.

Ilma:

You just have to limit your time on it and I guess social media doesn't show the real full picture.

Yas:

No, because you're seeing everybody's best life. Yeah, yeah, or what they want to show you too. If you want to go crazy and stalk somebody, yeah.

Ilma:

Allow it yeah.

Yas:

Do it, but just try not to do it all the time. Yeah, you know what I would do to get over just feeling bad about social media, with dating and breakups? I would treat myself with a nice pair of shoes, a bag, a spa day, yeah.

Ilma:

or just like a nice, like deliveroo.

Yas:

Yeah, like and get off your phone.

Ilma:

Yeah, and just like watch a fun movie or like have a phone call with your girls yeah, or like have a phone call with your girls yeah. There's actually so many things to like get by and it's nice to like not be alone because you're really not focusing on your actual friends your family and just not turn to your community.

Yas:

It's always like your community at the end of the day yeah, we're here, we're here out because we're part of this breakup diet together, guys, they will know that they were the best thing that ever happened to you.

Ilma:

You were the best thing that was happened to them. You were the best thing that ever happened to them.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Ilma Shahrene

Co-host
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Yasmin Misner

Co-host