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The Break-Up Diet
Welcome to The Break Up Diet—your weekly dose of self-improvement, glow-ups, and everything breakups (yes, not just the romantic ones). Hosted by Yasmin and Ilma, we’re your no-BS besties here to guide you through every type of breakup—whether it’s from a person, a toxic cycle, or even your old self.
We’re flipping the breakup narrative.
No more heartbreak—just transformation. No more setbacks—only glow-ups. Breakups are the ultimate opportunity to level up, and we’re here to help you do exactly that. Whether it's navigating friendships, situationships, or even kicking bad habits (we see you, vaping!), we’ve got the raw, real talk to help you rebuild and thrive.
Grab your seat, darlings—this is where the best version of YOU begins.
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The Break-Up Diet
We’ve Got Some Bad Habits We Need to Break Up With!
Ever notice how a breakup can feel like an emotional cleanse, changing not just your relationship status but your entire outlook on life? That’s what we’re diving into with the notion of the "Breakup Diet," exploring how breaking up with bad habits—whether it's jealousy, possessiveness, or poor communication—can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Brace yourself for some laughs as we share personal stories and self-assessments, all while tackling those uncomfortable conversations we often avoid. Our discussion sheds light on how generational and family dynamics shape our relationship habits, with a humorous twist on how social media can sometimes be more of a trap than a tool for connection.
We’re peeling back the layers of toxic relationship habits, from the subtle to the glaringly obvious. What role do age and experience play in our openness and authenticity? We discuss how personal growth and self-awareness can transform us and our relationships for the better. By prioritizing ourselves and sometimes letting go of detrimental relationships, we can break free from negative patterns that hold us back. Alongside personal anecdotes, we touch on the irony of how some of us complain about toxic partners while exhibiting such traits ourselves. This episode is all about owning our story and paving the way for healthier connections.
Supporting friends in toxic relationships can be as challenging as breaking our own bad habits. We dive into the frustration of watching loved ones accept poor treatment, exploring the roots of this behavior and the importance of addressing personal traumas before starting a family. Through candid reflection, we highlight the irony of ignoring red flags and justifying bad behavior with common excuses. Our conversation emphasizes self-awareness and vulnerability as tools to uncover deeper issues and foster nurturing, positive relationships. Let’s stop the cycle of blame and embrace change for ourselves and future generations.
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@the_breakup_diet
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@thebreakupdiet
Email: thebreakupdietpodcast@gmail.com
Welcome back. It's been a minute. How have you been? I've been good and you Well. I was seeing my ex for a bit and now I'm not seeing him anymore. That's it Feeling okay. Yeah, I just feel like I don't have time to give anymore.
Yaz:Fair enough, taking a lot of time.
ilmz:This yeah, having a business like this is so time consuming this is so time consuming.
Yaz:Anyway, today I was thinking that, well, we were thinking that we should be talking about bad habits and how to break up with your bad habits.
ilmz:Yeah, that is part of the breakup diet breaking up with bad habits in relationships within yourself.
Yaz:Buckle up bitches. This is going to get bumpy. This is the breakup diet, is it's gonna get bumpy? This is the breakup diet.
ilmz:What's one trait that you think you want to break up with? That I have yeah maybe jealousy sometimes you don't strike me as a jealous person like a secret jealous.
Yaz:Really, it is there, if you know. You know, um, but, like you know, when you don't bring up something straight away and you let it fester, oh I'm that's. I think that's a bad habit of mine, because sometimes you don't want to bring up something, yeah and then you sit on it.
ilmz:It just no balls into the worst argument ever, basically like a make or break level of argument yeah, literally.
Yaz:So I want to get better at not letting that happen, so letting the small things that really don't matter go and then, when I have a actual problem, bringing it up at the beginning. So that way it's not this huge argument so breaking up with shitty communication skills yeah, I need to work on my communication skills. How would you get?
ilmz:there how would I get there.
Yaz:I don't know how would you get there just talk yeah, but it's quite hard to talk when you're in arguments and you don't think of the right things. You always think of what you want to say after are you good in an argument?
ilmz:no, I think of the best comebacks.
Yaz:Maybe two years after it's a long time I'll relive that argument, but it will be even the night or a few hours later and I'm like I wish I said that I feel like being like you know, when you said that part um, actually I think this now and just like have a carrying on for another week after the conversation happened. Yeah, but then you can't be bothered to do that because of how drained you feel oh, it's awful, it's a really tough one.
Yaz:What about you? What's a bad habit of yours that you would like to let?
ilmz:go of. I think I am a massive avoidant when it comes to either conflicts or just like little things where I'm like, oh, that made me feel uncomfortable. I think, same as you, communication skills really random and unnecessarily like uncomfortable situations in dating, in relationships and marriage that I did not need to put up with. Yeah, and that's a habit that I really need to get rid of?
Yaz:why do you think we both have bad communication? Do you think it's just our generations?
ilmz:I was going to say, were we neglected as kids?
Yaz:No, you might be, but I wasn't Sorry.
ilmz:Yeah, I think mine probably stems from childhood. I can't lie, I can't imagine it from being your childhood, because your parents are nice, your parents are great, maybe.
Yaz:I must have felt neglected. I did go to boarding school.
ilmz:Are you the middle sibling as well, I the youngest. That could be it why because you've got all these older siblings, kind of being the elder ones, and you know, asserting their dominant. Yeah, maybe, maybe you're onto something and you have a big age gap with your siblings, right?
Yaz:yeah, the smallest age gap is five years.
ilmz:Oh my god, yeah, that could be it sorry, not relationship yet, oh, just trauma, dumping our family stuff right here. You can't even break up with your family. You know you can get emancipated.
Yaz:Does that mean when you get like a divorce from your parents? Yeah, you have to be like 16 or something. I remember my dad told me that he was like you know, you can divorce me at the age of 16. I was like brilliant give me the papers?
ilmz:was that his hint of like telling?
Yaz:you to just get out get out, earn your own money, stop leeching off me. I'm like, no, no, I'll still be there, I'll be there forever.
ilmz:I'm not going anywhere.
Yaz:So what do you think are some common bad habits that people have in relationships?
ilmz:I think jealousy is a massive thing, possessive, possessive Am.
Yaz:I pronouncing that right Possessiveness.
ilmz:I think the P word.
Yaz:Jealousy how.
ilmz:Like in what way I can think of so many ways of jealousy in relationships, because I've been there, done that, Looking at their follower count when it goes up by 20 girls 20? Oh yeah, there are certain nights where I see his profile and I'd be like, oh, he's followed 20 girls on the Saturday night. How many girls did he talk to? That is one active man man only two of them would follow him back.
Yaz:He's counting his losses, isn't he? He's trying to spread his.
ilmz:Spread his. What holy moly.
Yaz:It's just I was gonna say spread his seed.
ilmz:And then I was like oh my god, he's trying to, please don't cry and it's like when they follow insta models yeah why, at 2024, are you still following alexa's friend? Yeah, come on. 2016 was eight years ago.
Yaz:Yeah, grow up but also I don't get when guys go and follow loads of girls like instagirls or just like pretty girls on instagram and then when new girls look at their page they're gonna be like why do you follow 500 girls and 10 males?
ilmz:it's weird and and it's not even girls that they know. No, they don't know them. That's what I mean. Just random models, just hot girls.
Yaz:Hot girls. Maybe this is just me, but like if I go on there and see he follows all these just hot girls, I'm like ew.
ilmz:No, like for me. That screams off. Porn addict Like you have to constantly just be looking at pretty girls all the time, unatt. Porn addict like you have to constantly just be looking at pretty girls all the time, unattainably pretty girls, yeah porn addicts are terrible. No, genuinely, they have this like weird darkness in their eyes you've obviously met one I'm not gonna say it's legal purposes.
ilmz:Now you know who it is. Break up with that bad habit watching porn genuinely and I don't want who it is Break up with that bad habit watching porn Genuinely, and I don't want to be too explicit, but when you're with them you can tell that they're porn addicts, because the stuff they want to do is so vulgar and you're like, oh, like, do you not care about me as a human being?
Yaz:I have to ask how did you find out?
ilmz:Did you walk in? Oh, I've walked in on them watching it. But then there are some guys they just watch so much of it and they project that shit in real life. The worst thing is, when I walked in on them, it was someone that didn't look like me. I don't know whether that's bad or worse. Yeah, what is that about?
ilmz:Like the whole etched out BBL abs, the piercings, the tat, because like he shot his laptop and I'm like no, no, no, open that, open that, I want to see, I want to know what your type is, just thinking like oh, maybe if it looks like me it'd be like, oh, like hee, hee, but I don't think that's even hee hee. Otherwise that's like a fetish if he like looks at people like me as well, yeah, when he can have the real thing exactly if you're there.
Yaz:That's what I don't understand, like if you weren't there I was there like ask I'm next door.
ilmz:Yeah, instead of opening your computer men need to break up with that habit genuinely, and what's scary is that kids have access to it so early on. Now it's like at age six, they can just go on the hub with their iPad ewwy, that is just gross.
Yaz:I don't want to talk about porn anymore no, I'm just like reliving my worst nightmare let's list off some bad habits, just to get people thinking okay, lack of appreciation yeah, that is a good one, or if there's like one-sided too oh, my gosh one.
ilmz:Yeah, one party makes an effort and the others doesn't. Yeah, yeah, I've had a horrible experience. So mine and my ex's our birthdays were a day apart. His birthday was a day before me and I did the whole shebang, like you know the massive balloons, the fancy cake, decorated the room, surprised him. And then the morning after, when it was my birthday, he um printed out what he was gonna get me. Ew, he printed out a picture of a rolex and goes I'm gonna get you this. You're like where is it? It's like why would you tell me, why would you not just get me the present for my birthday instead of going downstairs to concierge? Be like hey, bro, can you make it in color?
Yaz:that is weird. And then did he ever get it for you no did he ever get you anything? No, in the bin. Another like bad habit I think about would be codependency.
ilmz:So if you can't not be with that person, oh no, that's the worst you've had, that I've had that word to the point where I couldn't sleep without him, even if he was in the next room, like this man does not sound very good.
Yaz:Porn and video games.
ilmz:I'm going to take a guess it's the same person, so he'd be playing video games in the next room and I'd cry, being like, please just come to bed, like I can't go to sleep without you. That at you. That is codependency at its worst, and I will never go through that ever again.
Yaz:Why did you have that? I was just really insecure because he cheated on me.
ilmz:Oh, what if he's like in the next room, like, yes, he's playing video games, but what if he's like chatting to so many other girls? Or like watching more porn. Do you think porn's cheating? We're going back to porn. I don't think it is. But I think it's cheating if he's talking to those girls. So if he's talking to an OnlyFans girl.
Yaz:Okay, okay, but not say like Google, yeah, I get that.
ilmz:Ethically I'm like no, those girls should make money.
Yaz:No, because that's more than just like him looking at it. They're having conversations.
ilmz:There's like a connection, I guess through his membership. So you know how in relationships, people normally take like a long time to break up with the bad habit because they get stuck. Yeah, why do you think people get stuck?
ilmz:from my experiences, you're either stuck because you might be financially abused, yeah, where you know you rely on them for rent and all that stuff. Or back down to you where you've got low self-esteem and you think, oh, this is the best I can get. You know he's got all these other amazing qualities and you put him up on this unrealistic pedestal, which is so not fair on yourself. Yeah, and I think it's this generation of dating where everyone's grim and you just think this is as good as I can get.
Yaz:Yeah, and then you kind of compare. I think comparison is a bad habit too, actually.
ilmz:A hundred percent Everyone's trauma dumping. And you're thinking, oh, my man is not bad as my friend's man.
Yaz:Yeah, my man's not as bad because he never takes me out. But then my friend's man who always takes her not as bad because he never takes me out. But then my friend's man who always takes her out, always cheats on her, yeah that was an example. That's not my man. No, no, definitely not.
ilmz:Give me like three of your personal bad habits my personal bad habits as my like as a single person. Yeah, yeah, I'm an avoidant, I'm a doormat in that, I'm just. Yeah, whatever people want to do, I'll just follow. I don't really care, even though there are times where I'm like, oh, I just wish we, like, did this instead, I think it still stems down to the fact that I can't communicate properly. Yeah, basically, whatever problem you have as a single person, you're going to translate that into your relationship, so you better sort that shit now yeah, I get you.
Yaz:What would mine be, mine would probably be.
ilmz:As an individual, do you have any bad habits that you bring to the relationship?
Yaz:yeah, insecurities, they probably come in.
ilmz:Porn addiction.
Yaz:Porn addiction. Sometimes only on Saturdays, though.
ilmz:Latino men. What did you say? Latino men? Latino men, footballers.
Yaz:No, definitely not them.
ilmz:Maybe I'll go for something like just say, footballers, when your man watches this, he'll be like oh, I'm happy. No, he won't. He'll be like what other footballers Should?
Yaz:man watches this, he'll be like, oh, I'm happy. No, he won't. He'll be like what? Other footballers should just be me my bad habits would probably be bringing my own insecurities in jealousy to a certain extent, and then also I feel like I'm quite unemotionally available. It really took a long time for me to be open with my boyfriend.
ilmz:I think it's an age and experience thing. This is your first major relationship, right?
Yaz:yeah, these things just take time but I feel like some people can be like so authentic, whereas like I am authentic.
ilmz:You are but there is definitely levels that I mean, it's normal on human to be guarded to an extent. I think that's just what you're doing and I don't think that would be disrupting your relationship well it does, because sometimes you can't go further with a relationship.
Yaz:Not that I would want to go further right now, but I mean like you can't progress, yeah progress so it stops you doing that how would someone get over these kind of bad habits?
ilmz:what's a way to just end it apart from I don't know hypnosis?
Yaz:I feel like with any bad habit, you have to recognize that you have the bad habit first self-awareness goes a long way yeah, how can you fix something if you're not aware of it?
ilmz:aware of it and then also if you don't want to change it you know what I mean a stubborn person when they know it, but they won't change.
Yaz:Yeah, I know it's hard to know what is a real habit, I think and what is just like. That relationship is toxic. Yeah, you know, because maybe it's not a you problem, it's a them problem yeah, and they're just bringing out the worst version of you.
ilmz:yeah, that's when you gotta got to end it, when you feel like you're losing yourself and turning into this bitter, negative person.
Yaz:So, with all these bad habits, how can somebody bring it up to their partner without?
ilmz:them having like a massive argument.
Yaz:Because I sit on stuff, like I said in the beginning. When I do bring it up, maybe the delivery isn't good, yeah, and then we get into a huge fight. How can somebody not get into a huge fight?
ilmz:I think the key is for you to be super vulnerable and for you to ask your person what you want right now. So I would say, hey, like I want to chat to you, something it's coming from like a really good place and I just want to fix it, and I want you to be patient with what I have to say yeah, you could say something along the lines of like I don't know what is you were meant by this, but it makes me feel this way yeah, put it to yourself as opposed to you did this, you did that, just say.
Yaz:I feel that way because somebody can't really argue with how you feel.
ilmz:Yeah, exactly, they can argue with what you accuse them of doing.
Yaz:So that's how you win the argument.
ilmz:Yes, Little manipulation, just the tiniest dose of you. I don't care if it's not correct.
Yaz:That's how I feel. God, that's so toxic. So, ilma, if you had a partner that had like a bad habit so say they were very jealous and very possessive of you how would you help them be willing to change, like without just saying you need to change because, let's be honest, that's not gonna work oh, I can't lie.
ilmz:I've been there, done that with a jealous, possessive person. I can't do it again. I will ghost them genuinely. I'm sorry this is like not the in-depth level of answer I was hoping to achieve, but genuinely I've been in the worst toxic relationship where my ex was so jealous, so possessive what does that even mean?
Yaz:like give me some examples of those sorts of things, like what he didn't. He would control what you wear, control what you do control.
ilmz:What I wore hated the fact I would hang out with men, even if they were gay. He would impose all these rules for me, so I can't drink after a certain time. I can only have two drinks. If I'm out with friends I can't hang out with how would?
ilmz:he know if you weren't, I don't know, drunk and drunk calling him or something. Um, I can't hang out in group situations where the guy to girl ratio isn't the same. These are wild. Really, really bad, only for him to cheat on me. Honestly, my advice not entertain it. Jealousy and possessiveness is a trait that they will never, ever try and overcome and it's not yours to fix but you can have minor jealousy, because a little bit of jealousy, I think, is healthy yeah, it's like shows that they care a little bit you know what I mean.
Yaz:You can't control me but I need to like know that there's some sort of fire in there.
ilmz:Minimal amount of jealousy I could handle is if they're like oh, are you wearing that? No, you look really great.
Yaz:But whoa, it is hard Like I've never been in a situation where I've been with somebody that's been like you can't wear this, you can't do that, you can't say that, you can't hang out with that person. I feel like I would find that very hard.
ilmz:Oh my God, very hard. Oh my god. Imagine them like picking and choosing which friends you can hang out with and then also you do it too.
Yaz:You think you love this person and you don't want to be without them. And, like you know the argument's going to be bad and you know how much drama it's caused that you just don't do it, so you suppress yourself oh, it's hard, but don't do it.
ilmz:I'm telling you guys, don't do it. Choose yourself always. There are sometimes some habits are just with that person and to let that habit go, you gotta let that person go and what about a habit of like having somebody that neglects the other person's personal space? So like you to your ex I think that's where you need to investigate. Where is that level of insecurity coming from? Where is that neglect coming from?
Yaz:yours was definitely, because you got cheated on. Yeah, for sure because I can see that happening. If I had something like that happen, I could see myself doing that too, because you just want to like be with them, because you know if you're with them they're less likely to do it, yeah, and you have that peace of mind that, oh, okay, he's next to me, surely he can't cheat while he's next to me. Would you look at your partner's phone?
ilmz:Yeah, how else do I find out? He cheated on me.
Yaz:I don't know how somebody just goes give me your phone, let me look at it. Oh.
ilmz:I would die.
Yaz:Even if I had nothing wrong there.
ilmz:You feel like you've done something wrong. Yeah, you just have guilt because, say like the early days when you're dating, you kind of make fun of them.
Yaz:No, I don't make fun of them how I don't know.
ilmz:You just make fun of them with your friends because you don't. When you're dating like multiple people, you don't call them by their first names unless they've proven themselves worthy. So you call them like I don't know, broke guy or hedge fund guy or I don't know, like football guy. You just have all these like names for them. What if it like comes up? That's the thing. What if that comes up and they want?
Yaz:my phone. So the only time I've had something like happen where someone's seen my phone like that would be this one time I was seeing this guy and it ended and obviously I think I liked him quite a lot. I did like him quite a lot, I like. A few years later I ran into him in the airport and we end up sharing a car back. And we end up sharing a car back and I don't know how, but like he obviously looked at my phone for something or I don't know, saw his number and like against his name I had all these like vomit emoji and like gross emojis basically, and he was like, why is that on my name? And I was like, oh my, God, no idea.
ilmz:Oh my God, why was that vomit name to begin with? You can tell us.
Yaz:I think I just thought he was slimy. So I like, put all this slime and vomit and like because he was, but like I still wanted him to want me.
ilmz:Validation is a hell of a drug. That is a bad habit too. Oh, seeking validation, holy moly. It's like heroin injection.
Yaz:You don't want somebody to not want you, that you don't want them.
ilmz:Oh, it's terrible.
Yaz:It's weird, even if you don't care.
ilmz:You still care because you still want them to want you.
Yaz:Are you doing anything to work on that?
ilmz:No, no, I did talk about it with my therapist and she just said that it came down to me being abandoned. Blah, blah, blah.
Yaz:You have a therapist, so you must talk over these bad habits.
ilmz:Yes, and does it help? It helps in that she injects self-awareness into me. Okay, and with that self-awareness I can definitely be a bit more calmer in dating situations or even just general situations. I can approach it with like a few deep breaths.
Yaz:that's like an advice were you self-aware before you had a therapist, or no? No, not at all I don't know if I am self-aware or not. I think I am quite self-aware. I feel like I know that I don't want to be aware, sometimes too sometimes it's just nice to live in bliss.
ilmz:Yeah, ignorance is bliss.
Yaz:Have you ever had when your therapist has told you something and you'd be like no, that's not right.
ilmz:No.
Yaz:She's always right.
ilmz:No, my therapist is always right and it just. Oh, I mean, I get my money's worth out of her, but wow like the self-awareness that I get injected with.
Yaz:I'm like, oh great, would you? What would you do for somebody that doesn't have, like a therapist or something? How would they become self-aware? Because how did you even make this is another question, but how did you even make the decision to get a therapist? Was it after your divorce?
ilmz:yes, yeah, things were so bad that you just needed answers to cope and it's helped me massively, and the power of self-awareness has definitely prevented me in being in shitty relationships.
Yaz:And you can pick up on things, because she's told you things about yourself that make you see it in other people. It's like if you get a nose job then you notice other people's noses yeah yeah, yeah, if a man is really insecure, I think that's a bad habit because they will drag you down. They'll like make snarky little comments that then drag you down, even if you're a goddess. Oh my God. Yeah, in every department. It doesn't just have to be looks, it can be like any department. Yeah, like intelligence personality.
ilmz:I don't understand they will go for women that are well like above them, only for them to just basically butcher her up and bring her down, yeah, and then you end up feeling like you're not good enough to be with them.
Yaz:That's the worst, yeah.
ilmz:I can't tolerate that stuff and I can't even listen to other people in relationships like that, because I just want to shake the girl and be like look, you know he's like putting you down, get out. You're in that situation, would you now? I would, but obviously 100% yeah, definitely, 100%. That's why I've never been in a situation since my marriage where someone's like put me down this is as good as I'm gonna get.
Yaz:I feel like lots of people think that, so they stay in a relationship even if it's not good, because of the fear of not finding something better sometimes the better is just you being single and thriving, and we need to normalize that, yeah, I think it's just that people get scared being single because you don't have that comfortability of just calling somebody and being able to talk to them about your problems.
ilmz:That support no I completely get that, but you'd rather just have people look at you and ask why is she single than why is she with that terrible person.
Yaz:Yeah, yeah, but whether they know he's a terrible person and it's not just like hidden behind the door. Yeah, what would you do for somebody that is, you know, being self-aware, taking the steps to get out of their bad habits Because obviously things take time to develop and like for you to be at a place where you are like yourself?
ilmz:Yeah, oh my God, it's still like a work in progress, but progress is progress and it's better than being in a shitty relationship. But how do?
Yaz:you keep somebody motivated to keep making the progress. It's hard, but you know they keep getting into bad, bad situations, even though they've made self-progress yeah, what do you do?
ilmz:then like what's something that somebody can do oh, I just feel like when it's that complicated, it's just a journey that they have to go through on their own and we just have to just watch. Yeah, we all get there in the end. I had to get married to find out, you know, married and divorced to find out how I deserve to be treated.
Yaz:Have you ever had somebody where, like a friend, been in a really bad relationship and just not got out and had? So what do you do as a friend to her?
ilmz:I can't be around her when she talks about her boyfriend. No, it's genuinely like I can't entertain it is this?
Yaz:because you have entertained it so many times and now you're fed up of entertaining it. Yeah, a hundred percent.
ilmz:So it's like the same recycled story yeah, basically, and it's like okay, at that point it makes me hate women.
Yaz:No no, no, no, no, genuinely hate women.
ilmz:No, no, these women are being so desperate and dumb for what? For crumbs? And I'm like no, he's trash, when actually like I just want to bring the mirror to her face. Yeah, we, I don't know. Women entertain so much bullshit that it makes me like, okay, I can see why men are the way that they are Because they can get away with it. There's so many women that let them get away with it.
ilmz:Yeah, starting from their moms. Yeah, if you want me to tell you you're beautiful, I will a hundred percent do that. But I'm not gonna talk shit about your man when you accept him the way that he is and that he's gonna be here in 10 minutes time for dinner, like I'm not, that's the awkward thing.
Yaz:And then like they bitch and bitch and bitch about the same problems and then they turn off. And then guys there and you're like, oh yeah, like I think it's okay to do it a few times, like in general, because yeah, I don't know you vent to your friends, whatever, but it's when it's fundamental problems that, like, have been around a long time. Then you got to tell them at one point. You got to tell them be like look, I can't talk about this anymore il.
Yaz:What is the biggest red flag that you've seen people just ignore in relationships?
ilmz:Say, when I meet someone's boyfriend for the first time and they're being rude to the waiter, ew, and I'm like to my friend, like girl. How have you not noticed this?
Yaz:Ick, that is gross. If they're rude to the waiter, that's just like why it doesn't do anything. It just makes the experience bad, it's just embarrassing.
ilmz:oh, one of my exes blew his vape to the security guard, to the bouncer, and I just felt so deeply disgusted and it was all my uni friends.
Yaz:So icky. That's icky to feel that you're more entitled than somebody else just because of like a job, but just because of what I don't get it.
ilmz:He had no job. All that arrogance, where is that coming from?
Yaz:Childhood. That's what it boils down to you got to be careful when you're, you know, bringing kids into the world. I think, like I don't think people think about this as much as they should actually Like. Even if you have a great home, there are so many small things that you might not realize is a problem that go into your kid, which is so scary. I think, like I find that really scary, like your bad habits of your parents, even if they might be minor things, that you think they get passed on.
ilmz:They definitely do. They get passed on and, like the kid I don't know, releases it in a really different way.
Yaz:Yeah, or they might have like a combination of the two yeah, and it just becomes like, oh, 10 times worse.
ilmz:Like both of you have to be like completely healed from any trauma to be able to even entertain kids and willing to no before the trauma's been healed yeah, literally straight up.
Yaz:Yeah, watch porn that's why they watch porn have you ever had somebody, when they've just complained about their partners, bad habits and everything, complained about this, and then they're actually the one oh, they're the problem, yeah, yes, oh, my god, a lot of my girlfriends no, like, genuinely.
ilmz:Give me an example of like something. Yeah, there are some examples where I'm like oh, like, you're the one that's just being really toxic. Like giving your man the silent treatment. Like grow up, talk to him if there's a problem? Communicate. Yes. I think that's like the moral of this episode improve your communication and ban porn yeah, that is so.
Yaz:If you're watching, that's what all you need to do for the rest of time ban porn, it will fix your relationship.
ilmz:Parental control on you on your boyfriend's phone, yeah, and communicate, make yourself vulnerable no, emma.
Yaz:How can you recognize your own bad habits in a relationship?
ilmz:putting my pride aside, being a bit self-aware, being vulnerable.
Yaz:Yeah, and also I feel like if you're always having the same kind of arguments with your partner, you look at those arguments and what they're about and then you can kind of find what's going wrong.
ilmz:Yeah, yeah, you can kind of see the underlying of it. What's the underlying issue?
Yaz:Also, you have to think about how you feel, because if you're always feeling like drained or stressed, then there's obviously something wrong as well. Do you know any really bad excuses that people use to try to cover up their partner's?
ilmz:habit. Okay. So my partner, specifically because I did have a conversation with him about you know the jealousy, the possessiveness I did tell him like I'm feeling suffocated and then he would say no, babe, it's because I got dumped when I was 10 years old from the love of my life and I haven't really like recovered. Even though it's been um 15 years, I haven't really recovered. You know, you gotta give me more time with these things and you know you've been my first girlfriend ever since then and get over it.
Yaz:It's just like okay, you're yeah, you do have people say like oh, he's just doing that because of his job yeah, yeah, his job.
ilmz:It's like bro, isn't he just on excel for his job? Like, get over, tell him to control save yeah, literally.
Yaz:Oh he's doing. He's only doing that because he's really stressed at the moment, isn't everyone?
ilmz:because you're stressed, you're gonna treat me like shit. No, no, no that's not how it goes. If you're stressed, get a stress ball, squeeze something on that note, I think we better end yeah.
