The Break-Up Diet

Am I wasting my time in a rebound relationship?!

• Yasmin Misner and Ilma Shahrene • Season 1 • Episode 9

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Ever wondered why we often seek a rebound during the frosty months of cuffing season? As we navigate the emotional labyrinth of post-breakup life, "The Breakup Diet" returns with stories of surviving winter's loneliness. We unpack the science and silliness behind choosing a rebound partner—be it a mysterious stranger or a familiar face from your ex's circle. With humor and honesty, we reflect on how easy it is to get burned when seeking warmth in new arms and how, surprisingly, these rebounds can become a path to self-discovery and growth.

Does the allure of casual flings really make dating more exciting, or is it just a facade? Our candid conversation explores social media strategies designed to provoke jealousy, the potential of a casual connection evolving into something more substantial, and the common letdowns when rebounds don't measure up to past partners. Sharing our blunders and breakthroughs, we offer insights into managing expectations and emotions in this wild rebound journey. It's a rollercoaster ride filled with laughs and a few tears, but one that promises relatable advice for the heartbroken.

In a world where casual relationships are often hailed as "cool," we dig into the reality behind this mindset and the challenges of turning rebounds into lasting friendships. From dating apps to trendy social spots, we reveal strategies for finding a rebound that fits your lifestyle without overcomplicating your heartstrings. Introducing the idea of a "rebound diet," we advocate for a healthy balance and clear communication to enjoy the benefits of a rebound minus the drama. This episode is a humorous yet heartfelt guide to navigating the rocky terrain of rebounds, encouraging listeners to embrace growth and look forward to new beginnings.

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Ilmz:

Hey guys, how's it going? Welcome back to the Breakup Diet. Hope you haven't gone anywhere. The diet still continues.

Yaz:

I'm wondering have you ever had a rebound relationship? I can't lie.

Ilmz:

I am kind of digging through the X-Files in the inbox.

Yaz:

Yeah, obviously, when it gets colder, you just, you know it's cuffing season, you've got to find someone. Well, you don't have to, but you feel like you do. Yeah, because you don't have to, but you feel like you do. Yeah, because you don't want to like brave the winter alone.

Ilmz:

I've done that. I've done that last winter and I literally had to go on the strongest SSRI possible because it's horrible.

Yaz:

I'm not trying to scare people. Buckle up bitches, it's going to get bumpy. This is the breakup diet.

Ilmz:

You ever done a single winter yeah?

Yaz:

How was it Rough, you know, but I got. I got used to it. You know, you know what's coming. You brace yourself, you go on cute trips to like so-and-so farmhouse with your girlfriend, that kind vibe.

Ilmz:

Okay, that is fun, but I can't. I love my girlfriends, but be fun to go with an ex.

Yaz:

Yeah, it would be fun to go with an ex is that what we mean by rebound?

Yaz:

no. Rebound means like if you're out of a, so you have a breakup, right, and then you have a relationship straight after your breakup when you're not really quite healed. Oh, interesting, you know it doesn't have to be, it could be with a stranger, it could be with somebody, you know, could it be with my ex who dumped me. Don't think that you should do it with him, but it could be. But I don't think that's a rebound because you're not rebounded from him, like you still love him.

Ilmz:

That's for another episode.

Yaz:

Yeah, Okay, Elma. What do you think a rebound relationship is?

Ilmz:

I think a rebound is when you're avoiding the inevitable, when you're trying to not be alone, keep your mind occupied from your ex moving to the next till it, I don't know. Sometimes rebounds can like go one way or the other. If it's good, amazing, you're in a new relationship. If it's bad, you're single again. You've got to think about two exes that you lost.

Yaz:

Yeah, I feel like rebound can sometimes hurt more because it's like you don't expect them to hurt you, because you're so hung up on your ex and then when you enter in, trying to be all cool and casual, and then you get hurt by your rebound, you're like it's double whammy.

Ilmz:

You're like back to back pain. You have to acknowledge how messed up you are from the first relationship and then the second one yep, so you're doubly left alone but, but it can be fun, right?

Ilmz:

yeah, yeah, I've had some really great rebounds, to the point that it ended me up in another relationship. And when that ended, yes, I was messed up. This was shortly after my divorce. I thought, okay, this guy, just a couple of months, not even a couple of months, maybe a couple of weeks, you know, just some, just something to take my mind off. And then that went on for 10 months. Then he ducked me dealing with a divorce and an ex-boyfriend, yeah, in the same winter. Oh, on top of that, a best friend breakup. So three of those in the one winter. I'm telling you, this cuffing season, I'm gonna be on the rebound hunt, I'm gonna trying to get cuffed.

Yaz:

I don't think you'd have to be on the rebound hunt. I'm gonna try to get cuffed. I don't think you'd have to be on the rebound hunt. I feel like you've healed, or have you not healed?

Yaz:

I'm not sure we're gonna find out with the next relationship so say you've just broken up with your boyfriend and you're on the hunt for a rebound. Right, you're out in london on the hunt for a rebound. Should it be a stranger, or should it be somebody within circles, so that it gets back to your ex? What do you think?

Ilmz:

depends on how messy I'm feeling. If my ex did me dirty, I would honestly just rebound with his best friend. Men are so easy, they don't have bro codes. I would do that if I hated my ex. Why would would you?

Yaz:

hate him Give me a example.

Ilmz:

Say he cheated on me.

Yaz:

Okay, then you're going to go straight in for the best friend. Yeah, hit him where it hurts.

Ilmz:

No bro code. Yeah, no bro code.

Yaz:

Because mine is yours baby.

Ilmz:

I think the dream fantasy rebound would be your ex's favourite rapper or footballer.

Yaz:

Yeah, because, yeah, that would be good, that would be good. Then you could just like hit him with that and they'd be like because I don't think men care as much about good looks like. They could be like oh, he's good looking, but meh. Whereas like, say, I broke up with my boyfriend, if I saw he went out with somebody better like, way better looking that I thought was just like the supermodel I'd be like shit.

Ilmz:

I feel like men go for status yeah, 100 status is everything to them, so hit it where it hurts. Yeah, okay, so you were going on about the hot rebound. If your ex allegedly went for a hot rebound, how would you feel if she was ugly?

Yaz:

you know, I don't know how to feel, because one half I'm like, haha, I'm better. Looking In the other half I'm like, oh, that now makes his like, like his value go down. So then I'm looking at him and I'm like I dated somebody that dates ugly people. Am I ugly?

Ilmz:

Yeah, I think because of that I wouldn't mind if the girl was hotter.

Yaz:

It would hurt. No, no, no, no, no, it would hurt. No, we want them to be like mildly less.

Ilmz:

Mildly less Okay. How would you feel if they looked exactly like you? I'd be like do you want to just get another carbon copy of me. If the ex's new girlfriends look like you do, you think that's an upgrade?

Yaz:

No, it depends on their status. Then I go into status then I'm like are they cooler than me dude.

Ilmz:

Not possible, not possible.

Yaz:

I work with you, can't be possible what do you think the difference is between a rebound and just casually dating? Because, like, could your last one be a casually dating situation, or is it a rebound.

Ilmz:

It was definitely a rebound because I was too scared to be alone. So the people that I would see, now I would say casually dating, but I'm not seeing anyone, and I think every episode I bring this up. Yaz, when are you going to set me up?

Yaz:

I told you it's coming. You know it's coming. You know it's coming. Don't even act like you, don't you're like asking me, trying to probe me, when you know I've done it? I'm just trying to get more information. I've done the groundwork. It's for you to bring it home, so the ball balls, literally, is on my court.

Ilmz:

The balls are in your court. Wow, I, I'll be juggling. Yes, I'll be juggling them. If you're still stalking your ex's social, does it mean you're not ready for a rebound?

Yaz:

I think that's the perfect time for a rebound. You're obviously still got your ex in your head, but you need to get him out of your head, and the way to get him out of your head is to get in somebody else's head. Okay.

Ilmz:

Who here has pretended to be on a rebound date to make their ex jealous? What Wait? This kind of behavior I expect from me, but not from you. Yeah, but obviously, what did you do?

Yaz:

Well, obviously I have. I feel like most people have Wait, what did you do? Was it on Insta or what? Well, obviously I have. I feel like most people have Wait, what did you do? Was it on Insta or what? Well, yeah, like you got to. The reason I feel like I could give advice on this topic is because I have done some questionable things. Like I have posted a story or, like you know, dropped in conversation that I was on a date with somebody else. So what would you post on your socials? Like nothing to bait, like maybe just like an arm or something. But I don't like that and don't do that. I think that's bad. Like I don't agree with that now, I think that that's so obvious, but I have done it.

Ilmz:

Have you done it. Well, I've done it for Valentine's Day this year. Shut up.

Yaz:

Yeah, valentine's Day this year Shut up. Yeah, valentine's Day is like next level. That's the big leagues. You're doing it for the big leagues. You're like fake it till you make it, oh and I faked it for sure.

Ilmz:

Basically, I was like to my friend, you know, terry, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we were going to organize a cute dinner and I said why don't we do it the night before valentine's day? I get some content out of it. And he's like okay, yeah, let's do it. And I suggested to get pasta and he said no, no, no, get sushi, it's a more realistic, sexy takeaway meal. And I'm like okay, fair, I get it.

Yaz:

That's giving like new york, even though it's just new york businessman.

Ilmz:

You know some sexy international man and then I said, hey, babe, can you put a watch on that's, that's bad that that I get the vision keep going. He had his um, he was in his pajamas and then I basically get him to put his arm out, get the watch, get his hands with the chopsticks and the sushi. Posted it. It got seen by the person who needed to see it. Do you think it worked?

Yaz:

did you get any like follow-up from that? Not from the ex, but it was extremely validating that he saw that that's all I needed yeah, but that's the thing when you, when you do like you post a rebound, I feel like they might see it, but not actually see it. You know, when you like quickly go past a story or something just tap through it, you know.

Yaz:

That's why I feel like to be more proactive. You've got to go the step further and you've got to drop it in conversation or get your friend to drop it in conversation to one of their friends.

Ilmz:

Oh, that's dirty. But what would happen? If you're not friends with his friend, then social media is it. Yeah, get your gay friend to wear his rollie.

Yaz:

Yeah.

Ilmz:

Your hot gay friend. Yeah, oh exactly. The way they're built can make any straight man jealous.

Yaz:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Have you ever caught feelings for a rebound?

Ilmz:

Oh my God, yes, man jealous yeah, yeah, for sure. Have you ever caught feelings for a rebound? Oh my god, yes. My stupid ex. He was meant to be just a post-divorce rebound.

Yaz:

In it for 10 months and got dumped two days after my divorce party did it hurt double because it was like your rebound, you know, did you dirty, so that's like on top. They shouldn't be be allowed to. That's the thing With a rebound. I think you have to like go into it so emotionally unavailable that it can't hurt you.

Ilmz:

That's the thing. We completely, both of us, we both spelt it out, saying let's not fall in love. I told him I came out of a really serious marriage, so I'm not looking for anything. Somehow, when you say that you're not looking for anything, they come find you and you just get wrapped up in this crazy romance. So from rebound to romance and then to get dumped and you're fully alone and you realize, whoa, I'm single for the first time in six years damn, that's never happened to me.

Yaz:

Rebound to romance. I don't even get to the romance part, I get dropped off. Before then You're in the romance. Now, shut up. Yeah, that's one that didn't start as a rebound.

Ilmz:

But that wasn't a rebound, true, very different, respectfully so you know what's the difference now for you.

Ilmz:

Would you be going into a rebound relationship or would you be? Would you be casual dating? Okay? So I did go on multiple rebounds after. Can I just say his name, benny? Yeah, I mean, I'm sure you can, yeah, okay. So after benny I had rebound dating phase and it was just terrible because my ex and I we both have really similar personalities. He's very upbeat and hyper, like me. So all the people that I dated after they were so boring in comparison.

Yaz:

Yeah, I was just about to say there's nothing worse than a boring rebound. At least, if you're going to get a rebound and you're going to put yourself through that trauma, you might as well go for somebody funny.

Ilmz:

Yeah, so we dated for three weeks, found his personality absolutely boring, but I just thought you know what Lives downstairs easy. And then. And then he dumps me on New Year's Day. Why day? Why it's bad as it is to get dumped by someone you don't like, who you didn't even want to begin with, really. And then on new year's day, and it's for the dumbest reason ever yeah, as you're gonna die. I hosted a little new year's eve party and he was pissed off that I didn't want to go downstairs after that's so petty.

Yaz:

That is so petty, but also isn't a dumb thing if he wasn't your boyfriend though no, he wasn't, but he was like um, can I come around?

Ilmz:

I need to have a conversation with you. And I had my door double locked because I did not want to see or speak to this man and I said just text me please, what is it? And he goes. What you did last night was disrespectful.

Yaz:

I didn't enjoy being treated like that because you didn't want to go down to his new year's eve party. Why like?

Ilmz:

I was hosting something and he thought I was gonna ditch my friends to just go downstairs I know this boy is giving the opposite of big dick energy.

Yaz:

What's the opposite, shrivel?

Ilmz:

dick energy, shrimp dick energy, shrimp dick energy to interact. Ew, that was too far.

Yaz:

That's a bruise, but anyway, shade.

Ilmz:

The worst rebound ever Yaz, so did it help you, though, get through your.

Yaz:

You know who you're rebounding from. Did it help at all, or did it just prolong the inevitable and make you more sad and more angry, because you got all this more like frustration?

Ilmz:

Definitely made me even more pissed, even more like sad that I'm alone. The fact that I couldn't even find a fun rebound and to get dumped on New Year's Day that, to me, was just a sign for me to not To stay away from men and focus on my career.

Yaz:

Yeah, I get you. I get you. Do you think that rebounds are, like always, destined to just fail?

Ilmz:

I mean, I've had experience when it's ended horrifically, aka New Year's Eve, but then it also spiraled into a fun romance. When things were good with Benny, it was amazing. But when it ends, even when it is, good, it hurts. Yeah, so much more, I think take me back to your single days. Have you had multiple rebounds at the same time?

Yaz:

I guess I kind of have, because I've been on dates with lots of people, even if it didn't go go through with anything else besides getting taken out to dinner. I definitely, like would have a few, because then if you're so spread out on these different dates, you can't get hurt by the one that's actually so true and you're healing anyway, so you might as well chat to all these people instead of just one run me back to your original point.

Ilmz:

So necessarily do rebounds have to be this long? I don't know, couple-a-week thing.

Yaz:

No, I think a rebound should only be strictly If it's just a rebound, maybe two months and that's the max, because you want him to get you distracted on the first couple months when you're healing, trying to work through things, not feel so lonely, and then you let go. And when you let go you let go of all the other past relationship, you let go of him and then you're ready to find your perfect match.

Ilmz:

I love that. Okay, so with you saying that your rebounds were, say, one or two dates, is that enough of a rebound, do you feel?

Yaz:

to actually what be a good, an actual reader yeah, for it to make you feel okay, fulfilled.

Yaz:

I'm out, I'm single, this is great, just because I went on one or two dates with these people didn't mean I was feeling fulfilled, like they're fucking boring. That's the problem. You're either gonna go for really fun, but then really fun you get looped in really boring. You can go on one or two dates and just be like, well, I wasn't alone, but I wish I was alone I just feel like the boring ones make you feel the most discouraged from dating yeah, yeah, that's the worst.

Yaz:

How do you know if a rebound is like unhealthy and it's not just you know that toxic lust, oh you don't know.

Ilmz:

it would make it unhealthy if the boundaries were a bit blurred, say, if one person caught feelings and the other hasn't really disclosed their intention. They haven't said that hey, I'm not looking for anything serious. They haven't had that conversation. I think that makes it messy.

Yaz:

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was thinking about like rebounds, right? How would you feel if you found out that you were just somebody's rebound dead? I would die, I'd be so upset I'd be like, ah, I didn't like you either it's like okay, it's funny if I do.

Ilmz:

It's ha, ha, he, he if I do it. But if it's done to me, it's like are you like on crack? Like, are you sure I'm wifey material?

Yaz:

Not anymore. No, she is. She has the certificate to prove it.

Ilmz:

For it to be done to me. It's like who do you think I am? Some $2 bitch from the street? Fuck out of here.

Yaz:

Yeah, but if I did it to you, you deserved it. If I, if he did it to men, it's like girl boss.

Ilmz:

Powerful feminism, it's cool. Yeah, encouraged the breakup diet encourages it.

Yaz:

So do you think that if somebody is broken up with, the best thing to do is get a rebound, or what do you think the best thing to do is get a rebound, or what do you think the best thing to do is? So I think I'll answer. I'll answer my own question. I think that a rebound is crucial if you've had a toxic relationship, but if you've had a healthy one, don't have a rebound, because if the rebound goes badly you'll just be way more sad about your ex, because you actually had a good time I attest to that.

Ilmz:

It makes sense, right, genuinely, because it's like if the toxic, it's already toxic.

Yaz:

So if he treats you badly, you know you're already used to the toxicity. You're already.

Ilmz:

You're swimming in the same waters but I think when the relationship was so toxic, the rebounds become fun because you just feel so free, nothing's toxic anymore. You're just telling people hey, I got out of a shit situation, let's just keep it chill and chances are the man's gonna be all right with it. Historically, for me it has.

Yaz:

Yeah, I think so because men like to say that they don't want anything serious, even if they do. What is that? What is that? Why is it considered cool? It is because that's what it must be. It must be considered cool to be casual.

Ilmz:

I don't think that's cool, I think it's just lame, because your hairline's receding, brother Genuinely. Why are you? 28 with a receding hairline saying you're looking for something casual. Yeah, like, why are you looking for something casual? Your sperm quality's going down, brother.

Yaz:

Why call?

Ilmz:

everyone. Brother, have you ever had a rebound where it's turned into a friendship?

Yaz:

a super platonic. You guys are mates. Now I don't think that you can really be friends with anybody that you've been with. Really I don't know if you want it. It's a bit awkward because you never know if one of you get a bit drunk or something. I think you can be friendly with them and you can do passing of, like hi bye, have general chit chat, you know surface level. But I don't think you can be core core friends, because where's the boundary? And also, it's fine before you've crossed the line, but then after I don't think it's fine completely agree, and it's so strange with rebound and friends, how would it even get to that?

Yaz:

rebound to friends. Yeah, I mean, I feel like that's something if you really both weren't in it.

Ilmz:

Okay, yeah that actually does make sense. So maybe a couple of dates and like each other as people, but not in that level.

Yaz:

Yeah, Actually yeah, so maybe you could have a rebound and then not have anything sexually, basically, and then it's just a friend.

Ilmz:

Yeah, yeah. So basically you go on a couple of dates, nothing's happened, so it's been platonic from the start.

Yaz:

The thing is with ever my rebounds. After that it just would have ended. You know you go on the dates, even if you find it's just platonic. You know from those dates and then it just goes because you have to. They ask you out again and you're like sorry, I'm just starting the right headspace. I said that. So what you say Never ask any questions, bang.

Ilmz:

Perfect, it says everything without saying anything. Yes, he's like what head space.

Yaz:

Can I help? And I'm thinking, nope, you can't cool. Yeah see ya yeah, the perfect way to end a rebound would be to say it's a you problem, basically, and then they can't ask any more out of it without a ghost because I don't like ghosting, to be honest and then so this is more, I guess, for me and for all the single people out there.

Ilmz:

What are some tips of finding a rebound?

Yaz:

So I think if you're not finding them on socials, I'd be finding them on, well, dating apps, obviously, to be honest, pure dating apps like Raya, tinder, hinge, or I'd be going out to like hotels actually hotel lobbies, but like cool hotels, like the edition one hotel, that kind of vibe, hot, yeah, the addition sorry, I cut you off the addition and the one hotel is like you're taking this stuff international. You know those LA New York businessmen bang.

Ilmz:

I'm sorry. Where have you been, Because I've never done this before. I don't know.

Yaz:

I keep my secrets to myself. Well, you need to start spilling.

Ilmz:

It's for the diet. Where in the hotel Is it? At the bars at the hotel?

Yaz:

Yeah, like they're, they're late bars, though.

Ilmz:

Oh my god, that sounds actually like a vibe. Yeah, where?

Yaz:

would you find them?

Ilmz:

okay, I am really boring. I actually go find my rebounds on my likes, on my dms yeah, yeah, I get On my DMs.

Yaz:

Yeah fair, yeah, I get you.

Ilmz:

What if, hypothetically, my dream man is some quiet finance bro, super quiet humble isn't in this creative world like us? Where would I hypothetically find them in person, lulu's? Really, I've never been to Lulu's. It looks really pretty from pictures.

Yaz:

Yeah, yeah, it's fun. But any finance bro you want is in Lulu's Interesting and you're saying that you don't want one with that's quiet.

Ilmz:

I want one that's actually quiet. That's not in the creative industry like us, someone completely different, out of this world and is just my, just my, supporter. He's not my competition, if that makes sense fair enough.

Yaz:

Would you tell your rebound point blank that you're not over your ex?

Ilmz:

hell, no, hell, no.

Yaz:

That's between me, myself and I and all my girlfriends I was very, very curious for your answer because you're kind of unhinged, so I was thinking maybe you're going into the room being like I still love bedding oh, I'm not anymore. Who said that I'm still in love. How long do you think it is safe to keep a rebound before it's like a bit getting into the you know love zone?

Ilmz:

oh I think you'll feel it when it starts feeling a bit suffocating and when it's not serving you the way you wanted it to. Yeah, you know, you've got that quick hit of validation, that dopamine rush. After that, if they're starting to have expectations on you, if they bring up parents, maybe even friends, I would take a step back.

Yaz:

Yeah, fair enough.

Ilmz:

But then in reality, I don't ever take steps back and I go yes, I'll meet your mom, yeah, I'll meet your friends, I'll come out. That's what happened with my ex and I yeah, fair, I had no boundaries, even though I kept on telling him oh dude, this is going to be a chill, no pressure.

Yaz:

But that just made it worse for you in the end, didn't it?

Ilmz:

Oh yeah, Completely exploded in your face.

Yaz:

Yeah, cooked that one, so maybe you shouldn't give advice on it because you didn't follow the rebound protocol.

Ilmz:

The rebound diet.

Yaz:

Yeah, the rebound diet is a strict two months max, you know.

Ilmz:

Then, you move on and be detached. I think that's the secret of a good rebound secret sauce, if you yeah, the sauce that was within has to be detached oh, but yeah, I don't know.

Yaz:

I feel like if you're going through a breakup and now you're entering into your rebound era, you know you gotta just keep detached and communicate.

Ilmz:

Yeah, tell them what your expectations are, ask for what their expectation is. If it matches, amazing. Have the best two months of your life and I'll see you at therapy after.

Yaz:

But how do you keep yourself unattached? Really? Because I don't think I could I couldn't yeah. So we're saying keep yourself unattached, and we can't take our own advice. So that's what we want to do be better than us yes, that's what we're trying to sell at the Breakup Diet.

Ilmz:

Be better than us.

People on this episode

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Ilma Shahrene

Co-host
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Yasmin Misner

Co-host