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The Break-Up Diet
Welcome to The Break Up Diet—your weekly dose of self-improvement, glow-ups, and everything breakups (yes, not just the romantic ones). Hosted by Yasmin and Ilma, we’re your no-BS besties here to guide you through every type of breakup—whether it’s from a person, a toxic cycle, or even your old self.
We’re flipping the breakup narrative.
No more heartbreak—just transformation. No more setbacks—only glow-ups. Breakups are the ultimate opportunity to level up, and we’re here to help you do exactly that. Whether it's navigating friendships, situationships, or even kicking bad habits (we see you, vaping!), we’ve got the raw, real talk to help you rebuild and thrive.
Grab your seat, darlings—this is where the best version of YOU begins.
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The Break-Up Diet
Starting Over After "I Do" is it really that bad?
Have you ever wondered how it feels to dust yourself off and start over after a divorce? Join us as we unravel personal stories of getting married young, navigating the aftermath, and the dance of dating post-separation. We touch on the impact of immaturity during significant life choices, the emotional hurdles of loneliness, and the desperate need for companionship. Discover the resilience required to find your footing again, and how embracing unexpected life paths can lead to unexpected freedom.
Navigating the dating world after divorce can feel like stepping into the unknown. We discuss the awkwardness of first-date conversations, especially when it comes to relationship expectations. What happens to the engagement ring, and how does one adjust to single life after years of marriage? With anecdotes and relatable experiences, we explore the emotional roller coaster of transitioning from married life to singlehood and the common reactions when disclosing a divorced status.
In a world where the perception of divorce is evolving, breaking up doesn't have to mean breaking down. We explore the diminished stigma surrounding divorce, the empowerment of divorce parties, and the importance of reclaiming one's identity. Heartbreak, though painful, isn't the end—it's a powerful catalyst for growth and self-discovery. Hear how embracing new beginnings has led to exciting projects and enriched lives, as we celebrate the courage it takes to embrace change and the boundless opportunities that await.
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@the_breakup_diet
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@thebreakupdiet
Email: thebreakupdietpodcast@gmail.com
We are back. How have you been? I've been good.
Speaker 2:I was going to ask you a question to start this off. Go on so. Is there one thing you wish you got told before you got married?
Speaker 1:Don't do it. Why Don't do it? Don't do it why? Well, obviously I was young. My frontal lobe wasn't developed. I wish I thought things through properly. I wish I thought about myself, my future. I don't regret it because obviously I've learned like amazing lessons. Everything's a lesson, not a mistake.
Speaker 2:But buckle up, bitches, it's gonna get bumpy. This is the breakup diet.
Speaker 1:Would I do it again in my 20s, probably not.
Speaker 2:Did you have like a big wedding or anything?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:We had like a massive like 500 people wedding.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I never knew that that's so fun.
Speaker 2:Did you have like a massive gown and everything? Oh my God, yeah, I'll show you the pictures after. Actually, I've never shown you?
Speaker 1:I never knew that that's so fun. Did you have like a massive gown? Oh my god. Yeah, I'll show you the pictures after.
Speaker 2:Actually, I've never shown you because Ilma and I obviously, if you've listened to the first like episodes. We met at Ilma's divorce party. So yes, you do. I knew that Ilma's been married, but I don't actually know anything about it.
Speaker 1:No, we've never actually talked about it in depth.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wouldn't do it, Not in my early 20s Just because you're so young, I think, yeah, I was so young. It's a big responsibility to have to be able to look after a partner Financially. It's a big responsibility as well because you know you're putting in two assets together. Yeah, that's so scary. Did you guys like have a house together or something? No, luckily no, because I just wasn't ready for it, which is crazy, because I thought I was ready for a marriage at the time, but I wasn't ready for a mortgage. Yeah, how does that work? You're like not my finances?
Speaker 1:Yeah, but for love, but for love for the big wedding, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Where was your wedding? It was in Bangladesh. That's so cool. Yeah, what's it like? So this is like top of your head.
Speaker 1:No, it's really fun, really really fun, and you get looked after so well there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Great food great atmosphere. When I think of getting married when I'm young. This might be different for everyone, but I think it's because people are just so infatuated with each other and they just can't wait, so they just do it. Is that why you got married, oh my gosh, that's 100% it.
Speaker 1:We were both under 25 the infatuation yeah, we were babies. Um, the infatuation wasn't at an all-time high, the frontal lobe wasn't developed. We didn't really think through our future properly. We were just like that's it. We're it for each other.
Speaker 2:That's it to be fair. I would probably get married young. I'd get married like if I got asked probably tomorrow it's not bad but not for the good reason. But I would probably be like, yeah, party.
Speaker 1:Oh, the wedding is fun. I mean that's probably why I want to get married again, just for the wedding. I don't know if I want to be married, married again, but a wedding and some big rock. I miss wearing it, I miss having it.
Speaker 2:Did you like go out and just put your hand on the table when I first had the ring I'd be like. I'd be like the weather, that glass over there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, can I have an?
Speaker 2:apple. So, if you haven't guessed, today we're going to be talking about how to date after divorce, because ilma is a young lady who has actually had that happen and she's okay yeah you will think, like going through such a traumatic experience like that that that you wouldn't survive.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Or I think back when I was married, I couldn't even imagine what life would be like as a divorced person. Yeah, but it happens. You go through it and you move on and you're fine. That's like. That is probably the best takeaway out of my experience is that, no matter what happens happens, I'll be fine on my own would you say that you were quite a dependent person or independent?
Speaker 1:I was independent in that I always wanted to keep my job and, you know, do my own thing. But emotionally I was very dependent. I would kind of harp on him. What does that mean?
Speaker 1:just like just like leech, yeah, I was very clingy and I think shortly after divorcing and being single, I would leech off friends. They always have to be with somebody. Yeah, I would be clingy with my friends. I would have to make sure that I'd be doing something every night and make sure I wasn't alone, because I needed someone to fill that void that I was missing from my ex-husband.
Speaker 2:Was that for a long period. After that that you had that yeah, a year, so you just wouldn't want to be alone at home at all. Even if you weren't doing anything, as long as you were with someone it was fine, or you had to be like out.
Speaker 1:With someone, so like even doing like basic errands by myself the first couple of months I couldn't do it without my flatmate being there and not even like her, just like coddling me and like doing things with me. It's just I needed to feel another presence in the house Because it's scary going from like having someone all over you, then nothing. I feel, like with a breakup, even so obviously this is another level.
Speaker 2:But the first two weeks is fine because your friends are all around, they're always there.
Speaker 1:But then after that people kind of move on with their life and get a bit more distant and then you actually feel alone yeah did that happen, oh, my god, of course that was such a hard adjustment and I would kind of try and make more friends on social media, just so I'd have new friends to hang out with consistently. Yeah, and like keep recycling the same story over and over again oh so you could talk about it with them yeah, non-stop.
Speaker 2:Uh, that's actually. It's quite fun. When you start being friends with a new person, you always it's like an easy topic to bring up and then you like bond over this because they're like, oh my god, no way this happened to you?
Speaker 1:yeah, because, like I know, I went through a divorce, but because I didn't have kids or a house with him, my divorce kind of felt like a big painful breakup.
Speaker 2:So you were together for like a while and then, yeah, five years. Oh my gosh, you're married for the five years, married for three years.
Speaker 1:If you did have those things, it would have been way worse way worse and it would have made the like harder legal process harder as well, because I would have had to stay in touch with him for a lot longer as opposed to, you know, it was such a quick process and I was able to kind of initiate no contact with him immediately yeah basically I told him look, wish you all the best I.
Speaker 2:Were you able to actually move on that fast? Oh no, because that must. Although it sounds very good like having a clean break, it also must be quite hard to actually like stomach that.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, the first three months, yas.
Speaker 2:Because I don't think I would believe it, even if stuff was bad or whatever. You know what. I don't think I would actually believe it until maybe two months in, and then you're like my god so much was happening.
Speaker 1:When we separated because our lease was ending for our apartments, I had to find a new place. So I was going through that whirlwind of finding a new flatmate so like to find a random to live with. Did you find a brand? Yeah so imagine going from living with the love of your life to a complete stranger from facebook. I honestly like. Luckily I hit jackpot and like she was nice, but that takes balls of steel.
Speaker 2:Sorry, but that takes balls of steel. I couldn't do that.
Speaker 1:I would probably live alone for a little bit and then I couldn't afford to live alone yeah, true, london is so expensive, london is so expensive, so having to go from that, and then processing the't afford to live alone. Yeah true, london is so expensive, so having to go from that and then processing the fact that, oh, he's no longer in my life.
Speaker 2:It was really really hard, and I think I would use dating as a distraction from how hard it was how long after that did you find that you're okay, even if it was a distraction to go on these dates it took me a year.
Speaker 1:It took me a good year for me to go on these dates. It took me a year. It took me a good year for me to go on these dates, like literally every first date I'd be like, just so you know, I'm divorced, um, I'm not looking for anything serious, but I, I'm really clingy that was gonna be one of my questions.
Speaker 2:I was gonna say do you bring it up on the first day?
Speaker 1:oh my gosh. Yeah, now still.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's on my raya profile why do do you have that on your Raya?
Speaker 1:profile. So basically, my bio says three truths and a lie, and one of the truths is that I'm divorced.
Speaker 2:No one gets it, but it's funny. Yeah, yeah, that is funny. That is funny. What are the other?
Speaker 1:ones, I can't swim, which is also a truth.
Speaker 2:At all. Okay, so you just paddle. No, you can't paddle.
Speaker 1:I just waddle. And then the third.
Speaker 2:The lie is that I skipped a grade, so everyone thinks that you skipped a grade. Yeah, okay, yeah, and you're like no, no, it's a swimming if you didn't have it in your bio and if they didn't ask, would you tell them on the first date now?
Speaker 1:now? Yeah, I think I would, just because I naturally tend to ask people on the first date like what are you looking for On the first date? Yeah, that's so.
Speaker 2:I've had that question. I've had that question once and I was like you're a freak, sorry, but like I was like what do you mean what we're looking for? We're on a date, a first date. How am I meant to know what I'm looking for? Because I don't know you. It's more like like what stage in your life are you at? Yeah, but someone's not really gonna tell you. Probably. Oh yeah, like I'm looking for six kids and a range roger oh yeah, I would run.
Speaker 2:Or if they're like oh yeah, I just want to go around, have a couple shags oh I don't know why I said shags, but you know what I mean both ends of the spectrum are an it. Don't ask somebody what are you looking for?
Speaker 1:Yeah, but maybe it's like cuter when a girl asks like, oh, like, what are you looking for?
Speaker 2:No, it's giving me, pick me oh.
Speaker 1:And I'm not getting picked.
Speaker 2:You are getting picked. Where's the ring?
Speaker 1:You had the ring I had it, but I didn't get picked anymore.
Speaker 2:Did you? What happened to it? Did you give it away after it's at home in Australia? It's the actual thing you're meant to do after that.
Speaker 1:Well, have you seen that Emrata made another?
Speaker 2:ring out of her. She made a divorce ring out of her.
Speaker 1:My rock isn't big enough, because she had two huge rocks just had like one semi rock. I don't know whether to like make it a necklace or then, if you wear it, you're like I don't want the sentiment of my past yeah, maybe it's giving you evil eye I think so too. I think it's just bad.
Speaker 2:Juju yeah, I get that, but if it's a really nice big rock and you get divorced, I would make something out of it. It's a tricky one. Is there like an etiquette on it? Do you know? I don't think there is. See, I don't think I would give it back. Yeah, he didn't. I think it's a bit weird honestly.
Speaker 2:Like I get it if it's a family heirloom or something then obviously okay yeah, yeah, fine, for sure that's, but otherwise sorry, that's like giving you a gift and then taking it back you can't do that, don't care exactly.
Speaker 1:But at the same time you've kept it what now?
Speaker 2:I'm gonna make it into something, would you? Or pawn it and get lots of money for it fair enough, fair enough I don't know, you could probably put it in a different setting and like have some like yeah, sapphire cross diamond. Any ideas, maybe some like earrings or something, something not like I don't know. Necklaces too close to my heart.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so true. Okay, you've given me ideas. I know what I'm doing this summer with my ring. So, once you got divorced and everything, did you ever have a moment where you realize, whoa, I'm single, like something that really stuck out to you when I first went out as a single person? That's when I'm like, oh, I can actually reciprocate all this attention. I'm getting like there's no law telling me not to. Now. Yeah, I am free, I'm single, I'm gonna everyone. I'm going to get with anyone now, there's no consequences, no one needs to know.
Speaker 2:Did you go out a lot when you had your husband or no? Yeah, we did, we did, but you went out together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, we did, yeah, but would you go out alone ever or no, not really, unless it was for my friend's birthday.
Speaker 2:That must that must be weird, then, going from that, was that like a while after that, you had that experience. Two days after, 48 hours after you're like I can flirt with you.
Speaker 1:I can do anything I want, and it was just so nice to exercise that power. After what? Five years, yeah, yeah. So I don't know if I've told you this, but he was my only partner for my entire 20s.
Speaker 2:Oh, my gosh so when I was separated.
Speaker 1:it was my first time ever in my 20s where I experienced single life Ever. You must have gone nuts. I went insane. Are you kidding me? The first six months I would be out.
Speaker 2:I don't blame you, I would be out too.
Speaker 1:The day he left, I was out. My best friends from Australia came to visit me the day after he left and it was like I'm getting with you, I'm getting with you, I'm getting with you, you're coming home, you're coming home, you're coming home.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, it was like a rotating door.
Speaker 1:That apartment by the end of the three weeks has seen some hellish things yeah, that's what you needed, though oh, it was amazing.
Speaker 2:Did you have a depression session after that? Yeah, yeah, that's what happens. You see. It's fun going out, it's all fun and games. You're having so much fun until you break and then you get the depression session oh my god, the crash was bad yeah, then you would think like how lonely you are.
Speaker 1:Oh my God yeah, because that was when my friends left and that was when I moved into my new apartment with a new person. What now? Because I never thought that at age what 27, I'd be divorced.
Speaker 2:So you obviously would tell these boys straight away that you're divorced.
Speaker 1:When I first started out.
Speaker 2:What was their most common question?
Speaker 1:they asked they would just be like what, what were you doing, getting married in your 20s, and I'm like I don't know.
Speaker 2:I believed in love okay, so they were just more like what it wasn't like how long, or anything yeah, it was more just in shock. Okay, okay, okay, because that I could imagine it could be awkward if they're like how long, and you're like two days ago, anything that like positive came out of being like divorced, besides maybe getting your independence, obviously, I think it's helped me become more patient with love and not date to marry, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:A lot of people like date with an intention to be in a long-term relationship and then to get a dog, and then to get engaged and then get married. They all have this set vision.
Speaker 2:I don't have that anymore.
Speaker 1:I don't date for forever now, which is kind of sad because I don't believe in forever anymore. Oh no, the more and more I've dated, the more I've realized that men don't believe in forever anymore. Oh no, the more and more I've dated, the more I've realized that men don't date for forever. 10 years ago it was normal to you know. After dating a year, you get engaged and well, like three years, maybe not a year.
Speaker 2:A year's a lot, but like at least three years now.
Speaker 1:It's like people just have this situation for years and then maybe they become official and then but then someone cheats, or that's just. It's like a grim thing that I've learned in dating now.
Speaker 2:No, I think there is a fair amount. I think it's just you have to meet the right person.
Speaker 1:Do you think yeah?
Speaker 2:I think there's people for everybody, and obviously certain people work better than others, but I don't think that everybody has a soul mate. We're just destined to have multiple people now. No, I don't think you're destined to have multiple people. I think that you can have connections with yeah, more than one yeah when you like, had your divorce and everything did you find it hard to date again if I'm being honest, I think my walls are pretty high.
Speaker 1:I'm very guarded, so I kind of go into dating in like a fun ha ha. This isn't forever mindset. I don't go in seriously. I don't give anyone too much, I just make people laugh. I don't really open up much. Yes, I like talk about my divorce and laugh about it, but I don't get vulnerable.
Speaker 2:It's more surface level for you even. Even so, you think your whole perception of like love has changed definitely, and I think I'm a bit scared? Yeah, I would be scared too. And how did you cope with, like that feeling of obviously you haven't, but what people would perceive as being like a failure?
Speaker 1:That's, I think, still to this day, a very tough pill to swallow, because it is kind of embarrassing yes, like I'm in my 20s and I couldn't keep a man, like I couldn't keep my marriage together. It's such a shitty reflection on you and I have days where I beat myself up on it. Then I have other days where I like embrace it. I'm telling people, oh, my gosh, my gosh, no, like life's not over after a divorce. I'm having so much fun. Look at me, I'm because I am yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:But I believe that I don't think you should look at it being 20 and divorce and all this. I feel like you are so young and obviously you guys did it being so young. It's not a reflection of you and I don't think it's a failure to get divorced. If I'm going to be unhappy, I'm going to be like sayonara yeah.
Speaker 1:Get out of here. I think, if anything, it's more powerful to walk away and say no, this isn't for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because lots of people stay in things so long because they're too scared to walk away, even though they know it's not right. I think it actually takes such balls and stick with it because so many people don't do that full stop.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, it's definitely like an admirable thing. It's a superpower that no one can take away from me.
Speaker 2:And it's interesting that you say that people don't seem to put shame on you being divorced.
Speaker 1:Yeah, maybe the times have changed, because maybe 10 years ago the stigma for divorce was quite real. It used to be very scandalous in any community. Now I feel it. It's it just happens?
Speaker 2:do you think divorce happens more now than it used to? Oh my god, definitely why? Because of, like social media, because of there's so many more options. Do you think people are getting married younger, or what? Why do you think there is?
Speaker 1:I think, because we just don't have to put up with bullshit anymore. I'm gonna get really like political and feminist, but back in the day, when people were married for long term, it was genuinely because women needed a man to be able to own land, to open a bank account. Because now we don't actually really need a man to do those things, we don't have to put up with shitty men anymore. You know, I have my job, I have my own bank account. I can buy a property if I wanted to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 20 years ago 30 years ago, in the 90s, I probably wouldn't have been able to and I probably would have stuck it out so now you just don't have to you don't have to put up with stuff that doesn't serve you. Then you're just like see, yeah, yeah, basically bye boy, bye.
Speaker 2:It's good and it's bad too. It's good in the space of like if something does go wrong and you're not happy and you want to get out of it, you can be like that you've got the option and you'll be fine, but I just feel like people don't look at marriage the same way either, which I think is sad.
Speaker 2:100, because it's obviously a bit easier to get out of stuff. Obviously it's harder when you have kids and properties and all this sort of thing, but because it is easier now with, like, getting out of it, moving on all this sort of thing, that marriage kind of has lost its Sanctity.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's you know, the whole foreverness of marriage I don't think exists anymore, because everyone around me who's been married has been divorced like. I've seen so many divorces in the last five years, including myself. How long after when they got married. Some was within a year, some was 10 years, some was 40 years. So you can't see like any correlation no, it's just when people have had enough.
Speaker 2:They've they're done for me. I would be thinking that, no matter how many arguments you have, you keep trying to make it work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think some people just have that fight in them and some people just don't.
Speaker 2:You know, some people can just fight to fix their marriage, so you know how you said you told the boys or their site that you're married and divorced. Did you ever have an experience where somebody wasn't nice about it? Did you ever have a bad reaction?
Speaker 1:In dating never. But I used to make TikToks about my divorce and I would get negative comments.
Speaker 2:How did you deal with all those negative comments? Did you just not read them?
Speaker 1:I would read them, but I would also kind of roll my eyes and be like you don't know. I'm happy. You're clearly not happy if you're being miserable in my comment section.
Speaker 2:I'm happy. So, emma, do you think that having a divorce party and like celebrating something that seen as being like a failure, was that like a massive thing that you needed to do to?
Speaker 1:move on. Definitely it was for me to kind of reclaim my status as a divorced person in a positive way, and also for me to just end this chapter in a fun way, celebrating it with all my friends who were there for me throughout the worst. Without it, I think I would have felt a bit like, oh, where am I in life now? I'm like, okay, that's done, I'm in a new chapter now. I'm in a new era. Now I'm single.
Speaker 2:I've semi healed how did you come up with this idea? Because, like this is, that was my first was your first divorce party. I've like that was my first time I've been to one and I remember I posted on my story so the obviously ilma looking amazing, but then also like all the cakes she had. So she had like cupcakes and like oh, not cupcake biscuits, yeah, being like legally single, single af.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah, I had a tiara that said divorced. I had sash that said no wife, no life and happily divorced.
Speaker 2:It was like at a wedding, you know, because it obviously at the wedding you like, change you know dresses from long to short, and all this ilma did that too.
Speaker 1:We had dances as well yeah, yeah, it was so good speeches, oh my gosh. Yeah, it was just the best event ever, and I think we need to normalize celebrating heartbreak. Can we not have breakup parties?
Speaker 2:breakup parties please, yeah, after you know, after the first two weeks, when it gets dull and then you need to have a breakup I think we should have a breakup party.
Speaker 1:Come in like all black in the veil, mourn the relationship if I go through a breakup, I'm gonna do that well, you know who to call to organize it. I've got the experience.
Speaker 2:It's such a nice way to mentally just be like okay, that's an end of the chapter letting, letting all the boys know that you're back on the market we need to make it a thing now, how do you stop yourself, obviously just being okay, to vulnerable with other boys?
Speaker 1:oh, or do you think? You haven't been I haven't hit that stage yet where I can be vulnerable. I can't lie, I haven't been dating this year at all. I've just kind of had an end. Do you think it's? Because you're scared to have like that rejection again Definitely, because imagine, I celebrate my divorce and I get broken up with and I have, then I'm mourning that for six months. And then I'm expected to go date again. I don't have it in me. I'm really messed up.
Speaker 2:yes, no, but fair enough that would be so hard rejection is just hard, full stop.
Speaker 1:It's a lot and I think my ego is so bruised that I don't have it in me to put myself out there and be vulnerable because I'm terrified. The healing process was long. I definitely I needed two therapists, antidepressant, five million girls trips.
Speaker 2:If you didn't meet anybody on those girls trips or out, for example? How did that make you feel?
Speaker 1:I would feel very deflated when I wouldn't meet people, even though I'm not looking to date or anything. The fact that sometimes I wouldn't get attention. I'd be like what? Yeah yeah, what's wrong with me? Do I have the letter d for divorced on my forehead?
Speaker 2:it's hard because even if you don't want something serious, you still want validation. It's really icky.
Speaker 1:So sometimes I'd meet people in person. We'd exchange instagrams or whatever, and when I'd see they'd view my story and not like it, I would feel the stinging rejection, which makes no sense because I don't want them to begin with. But then why do I care for that kind of interaction? Is that something that you had before you? Got divorced or only after, after, in recent times. Yearning for that validation is so icky to me.
Speaker 2:I'm getting the self ick do you think that's just come from being divorced?
Speaker 1:oh no, I think that just comes from being insecure oh, do you have any?
Speaker 2:so say, you're dating now. Do you have any non-negotiables?
Speaker 1:it's important that they have a job.
Speaker 2:Like unemployed men is not a thing you're like I ain't looking for charity yeah, yeah, no and if you're on a first date, do you have any like tips for going on a first date to make them like you?
Speaker 1:Okay, this is like a really niche tip and probably something you don't expect, but buy Listerine mouth strips While you're snogging them on the first date Just to have fresh breath?
Speaker 2:Don't you brush your teeth before you leave, though? Not really.
Speaker 1:I always brush my teeth before I go, before you leave for dinner and stuff For a date.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Brush my teeth, and then you put the black charcoal powder and it makes your teeth look ultra white.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God, Okay, I want to do that with the Listerine breath strips, so like ultra pearly white teeth fresh breath.
Speaker 2:So that way, if you're making out with them, like Ilma is on her first dates, then you can.
Speaker 1:You never know you never know.
Speaker 2:Have you ever had somebody on a first date? Just straight up, go to kiss you.
Speaker 1:No, God no.
Speaker 2:That's weird. Yeah, have you. Yeah, it's weird. I literally had to dodge Wow, like this, like he greets you with a lip kiss no, no, it didn't greet me with a lip kiss but after like probably one minute and a half of talking, oh my god, maybe two.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'll give him two, oh, my god, that's a lot steady on, yikes it was bad.
Speaker 2:It was really bad I can't lie so you don't have any hacks of like trying to get a boy to like you.
Speaker 1:Oh, I know a hack. Actually, I know a hack okay okay. So basically, when I first used to start dating, I would tell people from the get-go I'm not looking for anything serious. Men don't like being told that. So then they go no, no, no. That's my call to make. I'm gonna make you like me.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna make you exclusive with me yeah so tell them something and they'll do the opposite you see, I don't think I could do that, because then if I like them and I'm going on dates with them, then I'd be like it'd be obvious that I like them too much I know, but then just use your words, assert with your words and they'll just go crazy because they can't handle rejection evil, evil.
Speaker 2:What would I do on a first date? I mean, you have to read the audience and then have to answer properly depending on what you think that they might like. So if they mention something about family, then you know, like that they're close to their family so then, you've got to mention stuff about family. Yeah, you've got to mirror them.
Speaker 1:You've got to mirror them in some way, you know, like that they're close to their family. So then you've got to mention stuff about family. Yeah, you've got to mirror them. You've got to mirror them in some way, you know. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And ask also on the first day. I just ask loads of questions, so I don't speak that much.
Speaker 1:Yeah, same same. Straight away, ask something right back at you.
Speaker 2:And then you go in there. Give me an bit more about that part actually.
Speaker 1:Yeah, bang, don't have to say anything. Yeah, that's how you keep your walls up, guys and okay.
Speaker 2:So you know how you say that you get divorced on your first date, but do you elaborate on it?
Speaker 1:no, I never tell um these new men what happened ever, ever, ever, Because they'll use it as ammunition. Yeah, true. Instead I just go oh my gosh, no, we had a really nice couple of years together. It was really great. That's it.
Speaker 2:And they just let it go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm not giving anyone any ammunition. Hell no.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because then imagine you got in an argument and they go.
Speaker 1:this is why they divorced you and they did this to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when people bring up the other stuff.
Speaker 1:To be fair.
Speaker 2:I probably bring up stuff too.
Speaker 1:I would too, because I'm petty like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do too, Like this is why.
Speaker 1:This is why your girlfriend cheated on you Because you suck.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but boys aren't allowed to do that. No, no, no, no different standards. How do you make yourself not feel like your?
Speaker 1:divorce is a failure. I'm embracing it for what it is in that look, I get to experience something so traumatic very early on in my life. I'm now equipped with this life experience. I'm now better prepared for my next relationship. I know exactly what not to do, what to do what do you? Mean just in terms of relationships, like how to care for your partner, what not to do to piss them off what do you do not to piss them off?
Speaker 2:maybe I need to know this, because my boyfriend seems to get very no just.
Speaker 1:I've understood the power of calm and patience through this experience. I was not a patient or a calm person. I was very bratty. Dare someone touch my stuff? I'd be like, how dare you? Like? What's wrong that's mine. And that's what this lessons taught me that nothing is actually truly within your control and let go two years on.
Speaker 2:If you saw him now, would you be fine?
Speaker 1:hell, nah, no, no, I will run away, die, I will melt. No, no, god, no, you haven't ever seen him since.
Speaker 2:No, you kind of would want to, but kind of don't want to too, like I know you don't want to you have these twisted fantasies?
Speaker 1:you do. You do have these twisted fantasies, but when it comes down to it, I would never, never and you didn't live in the same place after no because your lease was running out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's very lucky because I feel like if you walked into the house that you or the apartment that you used to live in with him and you weren't with him anymore, you probably feel so much more lonely. Is there any misconception that people have with divorce?
Speaker 1:like we are so fine, we're not damaged. No, I'm not a failure, I'm a superhuman. I went through all of that by myself as a baby in her 20s. Heartbreak is always a superpower. It's actually the most beautiful thing to ever happen to your self-development because you do have a reboot then yeah, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:I've made so many new friends. I've met you, we're doing this, I'm working on all these other projects. I've just gained the entire world. I've lost nothing. Heartbreak is not a bad thing, and this goes to all breakups as well like there's nothing to be afraid of after it happens well, thanks, ilma, for answering all these questions this has been so like healing. It was like therapy, triple therapized Anyway thanks guys, thanks guys.
