The Break-Up Diet

My parents HATE my boyfriend. Do I dump him???

• Yasmin Misner and Ilma Shahrene • Season 1 • Episode 15

Share episode

Can family approval make or break your relationship? Join us as we tackle this and other pressing questions about family dynamics in romantic partnerships. We explore the often unseen impact of family on love, from navigating the treacherous waters of family disapproval to understanding how deeply parental instincts can sway your romantic decisions. Our game, 'Truth or Myth,' will challenge what you thought you knew about the influence of family approval and the role gender might play in managing these connections.

Introducing a partner to family can be a nerve-wracking experience, filled with subtle cues and potential pitfalls. We share personal stories about the balancing act of making a good first impression while maintaining authenticity. Hear about the awkwardness that can arise when family members don't play nice and how these encounters can shape your partner's perceptions long-term. Whether hosting a dinner at home or meeting at a restaurant, we discuss the importance of preparing your partner for family dynamics, the etiquette involved, and how to handle evolving family opinions.

Communication is key when your partner doesn't seamlessly fit into your family mold. Discover strategies to bridge the gap, from fostering common interests to embracing open-mindedness and patience. With insights drawn from personal experiences, we offer tools for listening to family and friends' insights without losing your own judgment. Ultimately, we recognize that while first impressions can be misleading, they don't have to define the future of your relationship. Join us for this enlightening conversation that might just transform how you navigate family influences in your romantic life.

Send us a text

Instagram:
@the_breakup_diet

TikTok:
@thebreakupdiet

Email: thebreakupdietpodcast@gmail.com

ilmz:

yes, let's play a game. Okay, what's? The game truth or myth, family edition. Okay I like it, I know it's odd because we're a breakup relationshipy podcast, but family is a key factor in relationships, so they can cause your breakup diet.

yaz:

They can, whether you like it yeah, whether you like it or not, they might. They might break you up. Buckle up bitches. It's gonna get bumpy.

ilmz:

This is the breakup diet they might break you up, or they might protect you.

yaz:

Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah if your family doesn't like them, it's a sign.

ilmz:

It is a sign can I ask you the first truth or myth Go? Family disapproval can be a major red flag in a relationship. Truth or myth.

yaz:

I think it's a truth, I think it's a truth too. Yeah, like if they don't like them, there's obviously a reason. I don't think it has to be a full truth, Like I feel like, but there can truth, like I feel like but there can be exceptions.

ilmz:

They can be, but it's a it's a truth. I think so too. Your parents have a way of knowing what's good for you. They can see stuff that we can't yeah, exactly truth or myth.

yaz:

If your families like the two individual families, so your family and your partner's family, don't get on that, your relationship is doomed oh, 100%.

ilmz:

What happens when we get married? Are they not going to show up? 100%? It's the truth. If the families don't get along, it's not good for the long run no, I disagree, I disagree but what about when you give birth? Are they just going to be like, oh, if they're going to be there, we're not.

yaz:

Well, I'm sorry. I don't know if this is just me, but I don't really want my boyfriend's family there in the room when I give birth, or my own family for that. Yeah, do you not?

ilmz:

want them to see their grandkid coming out of you, why not, that's, I feel like it's part of your responsibility as a wife as a daughter. You've got to let them see it.

yaz:

No, my family sorry, but I'm not open like that. My family doesn't Sorry, but I'm not open like that. My family doesn't see my private parts on the day-to-day. No, but let me like. And so why would they say it now?

ilmz:

They're not seeing your virgin in a sexual way. They're seeing life come out of it.

yaz:

That's gross, also like I'm going to have a C-section, so it's not coming out of it.

ilmz:

Oh, slay, you know, I don't think anyone needs to see that suffering.

yaz:

But I don't even think I want, I don't even think I want my husband in the room. Oh, come on.

ilmz:

I'm not kidding, but he's the one that's helped you have the baby I know how sex works.

yaz:

I know how reproduction works. Thanks, um, yeah, but doesn't mean he needs to see me suffering like that oh, he should see you suffering like that. He's the one that um came in you I, I feel like they can wait outside and then when it's happened it's happened, you know, like a miracle, bang, magic there's the kid, yeah surprise delivered by the stalk. Yeah, is it your responsibility to make sure that your partner and your parents get on truth?

ilmz:

or myth, truth, because you're the bridge that connects the both of them.

yaz:

Without you, they wouldn't even know each other, probably yeah, but do you think you have to, like you know, help them out and stuff?

ilmz:

100 yeah. You have to be the one that kind of bring out both of their commonalities and help them bond.

yaz:

I get you, you're like the foundation. But do you think that's a female thing or a man thing, like, do you think men do that? Because I've had an experience where I've been left in the deep end oh my God, yeah same. So I think women help, men don't help. I'm like probing, like oh yeah, like this and this, you know he likes that Whereas I'm just left to fend by myself.

ilmz:

So what are you supposed to do if? You're all by yourself in the corner.

yaz:

I'm great at shit talking oh.

ilmz:

I mean, yeah, to be honest. Yeah, we should be. This is our job. If your family doesn't like your partner, it's time to reconsider the relationship.

yaz:

Truth or myth, I don't know what I feel. I feel like it's a bit of both because truth, because like it will make you look at it so okay, maybe reconsider. So actually, yeah, truth because you will reconsider, but it doesn't mean you have to do anything. Yeah, that's true. You definitely get a different perspective.

ilmz:

Yeah, because you want to know why.

yaz:

Yeah, for sure but then if you're not close with your family and they're jealous or something like some people have some people- have jealous families.

ilmz:

I've seen like some weird mother daughter jealousy where the mother's like jealous of the daughter for being so beautiful or being more beautiful than mom. That's a quite common thing. And then just like the dad being resentful of the daughter because she's not a son.

yaz:

Yeah, that is weird. Yeah, that is weird, so you don't know. So I feel like, if you have, it depends on your dynamic.

ilmz:

Yeah, I would say this entire game depends on actually the background of your family, do you? Get on with them If not.

yaz:

Yeah, so maybe we should put this if you're close to dishes, is it important to set boundaries with your family to protect your relationship? Truth or myth?

ilmz:

Oh my God, a hundred percent truth. Why Explain? Well, sometimes some families, they can get very involved. You know like they would share their opinion, but on top of that they would just get heavily involved and say, would ask for the spare key for your apartment where you share with your partner, or just that's okay.

yaz:

I wouldn't lie that like I feel like when you have a place with somebody, like a partner, if they, if you just had their family intruding all the time, unless it's like an organized thing or maybe like once a casual pop-in, but it's like they call you on the way, that okay, you could allow it, but not all the time yeah, there has to be boundaries.

ilmz:

There has to be boundaries. I agree I think it's inappropriate if a family meddles in too much into your adult kids relationship yeah, so it's fine if they're young.

yaz:

Basically, if you have a relationship when you're like, yeah, when you're 12 yeah, of course, yeah.

ilmz:

So I think the main topic for today is families and relationships.

yaz:

There's so many dynamics that needs to be explored yeah, like what to do if your family doesn't like your partner, for example, but you love them. Because that happens a lot, I feel, yeah, have you ever had something like?

ilmz:

that or not really, um, I guess, where I wouldn't say my parents hated that person, but but they just saw that you know what, we're not compatible for the long run. And they were correct, because I'm divorced.

yaz:

There we go. They're always right. Your mum is always right. Yeah, that's scary. Imagine, though, you're in love with this guy. Okay, you're really in love with this guy. You think he's amazing, and he is amazing.

ilmz:

And then your mum's just like, yeah, he's amazing, but I don't think he's for you. How would that make you feel? I would just get paranoid and I think that would kind of slowly ruin my relationship because that would be a thought in the back of my head. And then I would intentionally try to find out what's wrong with him. I would intentionally seek his flaws and be like, oh, mum was right, all right, yeah she has to be right, she's my mum.

yaz:

Yeah, yeah, I get you, I get you. But I also don't think people should be controlled by their families, because if you're an adult, you have your own, you can decide for yourself.

ilmz:

No, definitely.

yaz:

You know, Definitely. That's the only. Thing.

ilmz:

It. It's hard not to be influenced but. I don't think you can be. Yeah, I think you gotta be an adult about it, which is hard because they still they're still your mom and dad. You wanna?

yaz:

yeah, you want them to approve yeah, you'll always be seeking that approval. So say you brought home a guy tomorrow, would you and you're you brought him over, would you like help him be friends with your parents, or what would you do? Or would you, I don't know, would you be able to tell if your mom didn't like him straight away, even if she was super polite on service?

ilmz:

I think I would definitely have to prep him with the cultural element that comes with my family. Obviously I'm muslim. It's not like he can hold my hand in front of them technically I'm not meant to date before marriage. So the only person I've really introduced to my parents was the person I was going to marry. That's nuts.

yaz:

Wait, you need to explain this more because I don't know anything. I don't know because I'm not religious at all. Yeah, I'll tell you.

ilmz:

You're technically not meant to date before marriage. You're not meant to, you know, do anything before marriage. Meant to, you know, do anything before marriage. You're meant to really meet them just before marriage and decide on the go that hey, I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with you and crack on, are there a lot of arranged marriages? There's a lot of arranged marriages. They're not forced, they're more like the parents get on really well, the parents see something with the kids and go. You know what this makes sense. Let's create this massive family unit. It's more of a family thing and more of a oh, this sounds really classist, but to preserve your status.

yaz:

Oh my gosh, you know what I've just thought. So one of our truth or myths was about the families getting on. Yeah, they're just. They're just choosing everything. That's not even your relationship anymore.

ilmz:

It's their relationship yeah, a hundred percent. A hundred percent. I think especially in, yeah, in my culture and in the western culture. I see it in um high society where people would, the families would want you to marry within that group.

yaz:

It sounds ancestral to me.

ilmz:

It is because it's like you end up marrying people that you grew up with.

yaz:

Yeah, I would not like to marry. Well, I mean, I don't know, but I don't think I would like to marry anybody that's like.

ilmz:

But seeing me when I was 12 with my lazy eye patch.

yaz:

Lazy eye patch.

ilmz:

Yeah, I have a lazy eye so I had to wear an eye patch growing up. Could you imagine marrying someone that, like, has seen that side of you?

yaz:

weird I also just think you're so different when you're that age and if you're like I don't know, being a little weirdo, and then like growing up and it kind of leaves like a lasting impression, because you're like oh, this kid's goofy, like yeah, even if they're not. But it's kind of fun when you see people from your past that you haven't in years and then they're actually like really cool, successful.

ilmz:

I think that's so nice, that would work. That would be such a cute.

yaz:

I was like you were such a geeky kid, but you're like you've done it now this amazing, like boss bitch, like yeah, yeah, that would be.

ilmz:

I think that would be the perfect scenario for me if it's like a family friend, that my family's, that both the families got on with for the last like 30 years so for you, family is really important.

yaz:

If your family doesn't like it, you're, you're done.

ilmz:

Basically just be blunt um, it's hard because there's obviously been instances where I've dated and I've wanted to introduce them to my parents but I can't because I know I'm not going to marry them. Yeah, that would be hard, but also and it's like a secret I have to carry as well.

yaz:

That must be so hard.

ilmz:

Yeah.

yaz:

I feel like for me maybe I'm different it would hurt me if my family didn't like my boyfriend or didn't like if I was seeing somebody new or had a husband. It would really hurt because I on the second note, they would never my my mom would never tell me here today, as in, if she she didn't like him. She would be like, like if he was, for example, a drug dealer or something like this, then she would probably be like, yes, what the hell are you doing? Yeah, but um, first I'd be like how do you know that mom? Though?

yaz:

you're like what are you up to, janet? I'm not joking um, but anyway she wouldn't tell me she'd just be like I'm not sure, but that's it.

ilmz:

She would never be like I don't like him have you ever had instances, say, after the relationships ended, and your mom's like thank god, that's over?

yaz:

no, because my only proper relationship is the one I'm in now, but I have had it when I've been seeing somebody and my mom's like I don't see that for you, that's it.

ilmz:

Or I mean like really, and then you know how would you respond to that when she would say that to you? Laugh?

yaz:

really well, it's because it's not, I don't know.

ilmz:

I see where she was coming from yeah, so have your parents ever met someone that you're just casually dating?

yaz:

no real title, like boyfriend, girlfriend not in the space where they thought it was like somebody.

ilmz:

I was serious about yeah my mom would know probably yeah, I know yeah, but they always have yeah, yeah, what about interesting?

yaz:

no, you haven't only your husband yeah why do you think parents are like instantly? No, a lot of the time. Is it just because they don't see the values? They don't like the look of them like? I don't think it's the looks to be honest because, I think it's definitely the values but how can you tell someone's values really, when you first? So they get introduced to your parents straight away.

ilmz:

They're nervous there are small behavioral elements. Say, you're at a dinner with them, so you're on the dinner with your parents and your boyfriend. There are little cues such as if your boyfriend's not serving you, if your boyfriend's not like putting the food on your plate little like elements like that I know it's petty, but it means something. Or say you guys are walking out of the restaurant but he walks two meters ahead.

yaz:

Okay, I see that one, the first one. I haven't clocked or even like saying you're not serving my own grub. Oh oh, I hate out here serving my own grub. Oh oh, I had to say it like that.

ilmz:

I'm so Aussie okay, I know my own grub. Or even just them, like, if your boyfriend's not checking in on you while they're with your parents at the dinner, say like are you okay, should I get you a drink? Should I order something?

yaz:

else With his parents or with your parents.

ilmz:

I would say more so with your parents, because, as a man, I would want to show my girlfriend's parents that I know how to look after her. I am worthy of her time that is interesting.

yaz:

I don't have that view as if I would check if they're with my parents. So say we're out for dinner with my parents, I would check on my boyfriend, being like, are you okay? But I wouldn't expect him to be. It definitely goes both ways.

ilmz:

It definitely goes both ways.

yaz:

But I wouldn't expect him to say that with mine, really.

ilmz:

Yeah.

yaz:

Interesting. Why so? I don't know because he's out with my parents. It's don't know because he's out with my parents, who are. It's obviously more uncomfortable for him than it is for me. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm with two people that I love. You know what I mean, but he's the person who would be with somebody new and or feeling awkward, trying to make a good impression. So, yeah, I would be checking on him no, definitely goes both way.

ilmz:

I mean, a relationship is still like a partnership. At the end of the day, you want to show both the families that you guys get on well and you guys look after each other similarly so do you think you have to put on a facade when you introduce your? Family. No, I would put on the biggest act. Oh my God.

yaz:

When you're introducing to your family, you mean oh?

ilmz:

yeah with my family. Oh my God, I put on the biggest front Like in my head. I kind of knew I was too good for my ex-husband. Here we go, let's go I kind of knew it, but I didn't want my parents to think that so I would do the most. I'd be like Mom. Like he bought me, bought me flowers, while like, when he got here from the airport he traveled all the way and he got me flowers. That's, that's amazing. That must mean something right?

yaz:

okay, so you're dropping in all these tiny little things that and making it so extravagant did he actually do that, or you made it?

ilmz:

up.

yaz:

I bought the flowers myself that's bad, but I get where you're coming from because you want them to think I'm compensating for the fact that I can see cracks.

ilmz:

I don't want my parents to see the cracks. They fucking saw it.

yaz:

Yeah.

ilmz:

It wasn't even cracks, it was like friction between tectonic plates.

yaz:

God. So you're trying to push them up and make them feel good, yeah, and be like, please like him yeah please like him.

ilmz:

I want to marry him.

yaz:

With families. Women are trying to I don't know show the best foot because you're like look who I'm with. He's so good, like all this.

ilmz:

Dude, we do the most for these men, only for them to flip in.

yaz:

I don't know cheat on us and dump us.

ilmz:

So would you? Oh sorry, would you?

yaz:

would you now introduce your like neck, if you get married again to your, do you think you'll ever introduce another man to your family?

ilmz:

probably not god is that hard? Yeah, because obviously, like what, if I meet someone that's super sweet and I'm not? I don't want to necessarily marry them straight away, but I want them to build a relationship with my parents.

yaz:

Yeah, it's such a taboo.

ilmz:

What's gonna happen? What if, like people from the community sees that and goes, oh like, they're okay with her being unmarried and roaming around town with the man I?

yaz:

actually take that for granted, because I don't have anything like that. Say you were introducing someone okay, so okay, you're introduced. What would be your biggest fear of introducing a partner to your family? Just that they're not gonna get on, or that they all see them as like a loser, or that they just. What would be the biggest fear?

ilmz:

I think my biggest fear is from either of the partner or the family. What if they embarrass me? But how embarrass you? How, just like, say, with your family? I don't know, your sibling argues with you in front of your boyfriend and it's their first meeting, something ghetto like that. Or my boyfriend, I don't know, accidentally saying something that they shouldn't have I get you.

yaz:

That's awkward you're like haha. Next question that never happened, yeah, yeah, oh, my god, I really like the steak yeah, yeah, pass, assault babe what would you do if you're out with a guy? You you're just seeing him and you're out for dinner with his whole family and the sister is really rude to you and no one says anything.

ilmz:

I wouldn't play with that. I'm sorry, I would not play with that.

yaz:

So what? You'd give her some cheek back.

ilmz:

I wouldn't. I'd have to be the classier one and just keep my mouth shut and smile, but I would 100% have the massivest row with my boyfriend afterwards. Yeah, and I'm gonna be like if this is what it's gonna be like, I might end this now because I have too much of a high self-esteem to put up with. Get her behavior like that your sister embarrassing me in front of you and your like parents, hell no also I feel like.

yaz:

But I feel like that does happen, it's so common, there's weird competition between the sister and the girlfriend. I've noticed that this is really I don't have that, but like I have seen that, oh, it's not like highly highly common, but you see it yeah, yeah, you definitely see it. Or I've seen that siblings, for example, will give some hazing towards a new partner but I kind of like that, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to lie.

ilmz:

I don't like. It's innocent and fun.

yaz:

Yeah, I don't like when they're rude. If someone was, I think I would bite my tongue, but then bring it up.

ilmz:

Oh, 100% I have. Yeah, no.

yaz:

Unless it was, you're way further down the line, I think. If you're five years in or something with someone and somebody is rude across the table, I would be like that's disrespectful, but I wouldn't say anything bad back.

ilmz:

I'd be like babe, don't talk to my wife.

yaz:

Yeah, that's nice, I'd just be like that was rude or something.

ilmz:

I don't know that's not funny. Tell me, why is that funny? Explain to me.

yaz:

I'm really dumb. Yeah, I don't know, but now, if I had that, I wouldn't say anything but bring it up later and then, if it happened, again, I would have a problem. This is another question, but I was thinking about what would you do if you uh, this is really horrible, but like didn't want to introduce your family because, I don't know, your dad's a bit kooky, or your. What would you do in that like, how would you not introduce a family, your family, with somebody that you really like but you don't want to be?

ilmz:

you know I know what you mean. I know what you mean. I think it would be a lot of prep work with your partner, like I would have to give him all these warnings, all the contacts being like hey, um, my dad's a bit sassy like don't take it personally if he makes fun of your shoes or something you know or to be fair, I've had to do that.

yaz:

Sorry, dad, but like, oh yeah, he's used to it. He's not as blunt anymore, but he used to be so blunt. But and also, yeah, just like inappropriate, not inappropriate in a seedy way yeah, not like that I'm just talking about the room yeah, or just comes no filter. Oh so I'm like haha, he didn't mean that, oh like you know, oh, so I I sometimes give pre-warning yeah, I don't worry about my mom, I'm like she's, you go.

ilmz:

But that is a vibe.

yaz:

She's always great I feel like I wish I knew her when she was young. I would like, I'd like to be a fly on the wall. We should get her on the pod. We need to interview her can we actually?

ilmz:

we need to get, yeah, the big boss, the big boss yeah, truly but yeah, I don't know.

yaz:

I would feel I sometimes, if you have an awkward family dynamic or you know you're a bit not embarrassed because that's really harsh, but a little bit embarrassed because you don't know how someone's going to respond I would just make sure you prep your partner, you give them dl and say this is what might happen. They sometimes act like this. You can't respond in this way a bit yeah and just tell them and then, if they want to, do.

ilmz:

Yeah, I think the way to not go about it is never to throw your partner in the deep end and if you're going over, okay, you're meeting your partner's family for the first time.

yaz:

You're going to their, to their house. Are you bringing anything when you first go?

ilmz:

yeah, of course, definitely like their favorite, like their choice of wine. Yeah, I think that's the courteous thing to do.

yaz:

Yeah, yeah but what if you are meeting them at a restaurant?

ilmz:

oh, that's hard you see, that is hard you would.

yaz:

If you're going to their home, you want to bring them something yeah, you can't. You can't turn and empty-handed, even if they don't like it it doesn't matter, it's the I the gesture um and you have to be super polite, like you have to always say thank you so much. What? Even if the food is disgusting, you say wow, oh my gosh, it's so good and you eat it?

ilmz:

what's the recipe you eat it? Give me the recipe to this meatloaf and then you're like delicious yeah, but at a restaurant it's awkward, it's like do I just fork the bill?

yaz:

yeah, that's the thing for a man. I know this is like I'm being general but, I'm like a man in my head.

yaz:

I'd be like they should pay it yeah, right if they're taking if you're going out with your family, but for a woman I don't think yeah also men eat a lot yeah, and they always want steak like the most expensive thing on the menu and also to be honest, when I'm first meeting, I said hoover it down, but I I'm not eating that much because you're talking, because you want to make a good impression, so you're. You know what I mean trying to be engaging.

ilmz:

I don't want my mouth full with like sauces dripping out.

yaz:

Yeah, you don't want to be seen as like a grub.

ilmz:

So what do we do at like restaurant situations with the family?

yaz:

I think you're just super polite and super grateful and you offer to pay.

ilmz:

Yeah, and they should Fingers crossed hoping that you're not having to fork like 500 pounds.

yaz:

Yeah, it'd probably be more yeah, yeah, so you hope that they don't let you pay and otherwise you cry a bit inside yeah, oh, that is tricky.

ilmz:

I think meeting them in public is somehow more trickier yeah because you don't know what the right social cues are.

yaz:

I don't know. I think I would prefer to meet a family for the first time in a restaurant than in their house. Going to their house is very their turf, their everything whereas a restaurant's neutral ground.

ilmz:

Yeah, no, definitely, and you can just walk out if it goes tits up easily.

yaz:

Do you think it is possible if you have um a partner right and your family likes them at the beginning and then really doesn't like them after for some reason, but you when you ask them they don't know why they can't give you like a straight answer?

ilmz:

so they've got the ick from your partner yeah, basically oh, do you think that?

yaz:

it's possible to remain in a strong relationship with that person after, because I feel like the ick is pretty hard and it's also. It's the ick and also if, but it's also you can't reverse the ick yeah, and it's subjective. Yeah, like, imagine they're at dinner. I just had an ick that came into my head. I have not had this happen, but imagine they're at dinner. I'm just thinking it would be gross and they just like pick up their plate and lick it I would be with your family I would be embarrassed.

ilmz:

Apart from that, he's really nice. Just ignore it and have like the most like stern word with my partner be like wtf. Was that not an animal?

yaz:

yeah, that's disgusting how do you not let your family influence you too much, though, because for people that have family dynamics that are a bit complicated, they're not super close. How would you like balance, not taking everything that they say to heart, because, at the end of the day, it's not their relationship like? Yes they play a role in your life, but you're an adult, we're adults.

ilmz:

Yeah, we can make this decision ourselves, and sometimes it is.

yaz:

The only way for us to learn from life is to make these mistakes and be with the wrong person for a time yeah, for a certain amount of time yeah, it is just part of life yeah, and I feel like if you're in a toxic thing or something, you don't until you want to get out of it, you won't anyway you won't listen to anyone, yeah even if your mom says he's not good for you.

ilmz:

Until you see it, you won't no, definitely, I completely agree with that. It's yeah, I think you gotta be yourself assertive and have a sense of awareness between what your parents are like, what your boyfriend's like, and just make good judgment from there on.

yaz:

And what would you do if the family is? They seem to like you but you're not 100% sure. Would you try to press yourself? Would you try to I don't know find out through your partner? Like, are you asking your partner?

ilmz:

I'm 100% asking my partner the first time I meet the parents, I always gonna be like what do they think of me?

yaz:

is he gonna? Tell you the truth he should. I don't know if I would, if my mum was like he's gross, no, I would not tell my partner that. Oh, I would be like, yeah, yeah, she, we actually didn't speak about it.

ilmz:

I would be like, yeah, yeah, we actually didn't speak about it, but I just like I can't imagine anyone finding me gross- Okay, okay, okay. Oh my God, I have the craziest story. So my recent ex, when I met his parents oh my God, it was so nerve-wracking, it wasn't even like a oh like dinner and I go home I went up to Manchester and stayed an entire weekend at his family house with the family.

yaz:

That's so intense.

ilmz:

I was literally like I want to puke. Why did I say yes? But also I'm like, oh, this could be really fun.

yaz:

So what did you have to? I don't know know, spend lots of time. Are they like a family? That's intense or they're really close, they're really close that's not the question, though, because my family's close, but when, for example, we all kind of do our own things, like if we want to have dinner together, no, no there was no own thing going on.

ilmz:

We were just like hanging out, basically most of the time I find that so hard like lunch, dinner, breakfast, um walking exploring the city together. It was like really fun. They were really really like, really really great. But imagine if it went the wrong way?

yaz:

yeah, and I had like an entire weekend with them, but they're also thinking the same thing. Yeah, yeah, they're also like who is this stranger in my house? Yeah still it's.

ilmz:

You know what I think is hard when people come from different family dynamics in general, because if you're not used to something, yeah, it's quite hard to adapt it was actually quite healing, because I'm not that close with my family, so to be in a situation where the families are so close together, even staying at yours, just seeing the banter between you guys, it's like so healing.

yaz:

You have no idea oh, even my family isn't like. We also do our own things, like if we have dinner sometimes, but it's not like a requirement you know, where sometimes families are, like you have to do breakfast, lunch and dinner and everything in between.

ilmz:

But but then like even just hanging out, being around such good vibes, it's nice.

yaz:

It is nice, it is nice.

ilmz:

Like having dinner with your family would be so fun because I'd like babble about my divorce and your mum would be like oh honey, you'll be fine.

yaz:

What did your family think when you got divorced? Weren't happy, they weren't surprised, or they? They weren't surprised did, they did, they know? Didn't your mom tell you anything before you got married? Yeah how did you deal with that yourself?

yaz:

like you just ignored it, obviously yeah, I think because I'm not close to them and I don't articulate my feelings with them much, I was able to kind of just yeah, yeah, but it's hard, it's a lonely life when, when it did happen, did you think in your head oh gosh, she's right oh yeah, like literally at the first cracks of the marriage, I'm like, oh, that's so right.

ilmz:

So like actually like listen to your parents, no matter how close or far like close you are with them yeah, they definitely, they definitely can see something so, like lots of friends also can pick up on stuff.

yaz:

Yeah, I think. Yeah, but not always. You gotta watch friends too.

ilmz:

I think it comes down to the fact that our parents have lived longer and they they've seen different behavior yeah so they can judge character way better than we could. We're only in our 20s. What do we know?

yaz:

okay, ilms your last question go on, yes what is the best advice you have for somebody who is dealing with their partner not fitting into their family?

ilmz:

I think communication is the key, genuinely like talk to both parties, tell them about each other, their interests, and tell them you know what, find a commonality and make a friendship for my sake. This is important to me.

ilmz:

If you love me, you would do this to me, for me yeah, and then see after that, like, if they still don't get on, there's probably a reason yeah, so you gotta you gotta give it some time, though, yeah build that foundation between them too, and then what happens after is honestly beyond, beyond your control and up to them, and you can't beat yourself up about it yeah, because I feel like people have to give a chance to.

yaz:

Especially it can't be after one meeting, because some people make bad impressions at the start just because they're nervous yeah, I make.

ilmz:

I'm always the worst first impression no, I don't think so.

yaz:

You do get word vomit yeah, I think I get word vomit too, but mine's more just asking the question you were so cute.

ilmz:

When I first met you weren't bubbly at all anyway, thanks guys.

yaz:

I hope you learned something.

ilmz:

Yeah, be nice to everyone and communicate you.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Ilma Shahrene

Co-host
Head Shot

Yasmin Misner

Co-host