The Break-Up Diet

From Catfishing to BJs: Listener Submissions That Will Leave You Speechless!

• Yasmin Misner and Ilma Shahrene • Season 1 • Episode 22

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Dive into an emotional whirlwind with us as we unpack the bittersweet stories of heartbreak and healing. We delve into the complexities of toxic relationships, showcasing personal testimonials that resonate deeply with anyone who has faced love’s darker side. From tales of overwhelming jealousy to clever tactics for uncovering infidelity, our conversations highlight the often painful lessons we learn in love.

Through a mix of laughter and poignant reflection, we address how vulnerability can lead to poor dating choices, particularly in the aftermath of a breakup. The deeper we go, the more we realise that these narratives aren’t just tales of loss but also about self-discovery and resilience. Each story shared serves as a reminder that while breakups are tough, they also anchor us to our true selves.

By the end of our heartfelt exploration, we hope to instill a sense of hope and empowerment, encouraging listeners to recognize their value and learn from their experiences. Join us for a thought-provoking and entertaining episode that promises to resonate with anyone navigating love's unpredictable waters. Don’t forget to subscribe and share your own breakup stories with us!

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Ilmz:

What do you want to chat about today? Well, this is our first submission-based episode. We've got some really hot stories in. It was really hard to scale down what to talk about today.

Yaz:

Yeah, because lots of people get broken up with in a brutal way. I can't lie.

Ilmz:

The streets are crazy out here.

Yaz:

It's way worse than I thought it was yeah, yeah, thank god, I'm sorry yeah, I'm cuffed because I'm scared. Buckle up bitches, it's gonna get bumpy. This is the breakup diet. At least if we share some stories like somebody might, you know, might help someone, and it also might be entertaining because you might be like oh my god, my ex is the same thing.

Ilmz:

Yeah, okay, you know what it's the relatability and the togetherness. We're not in this alone. Should we start with the first one? Yeah, okay.

Yaz:

So this is about being careful with, like, who you date after a breakup. This girl, she um dated this guy for a really long time. He was super nice, was super in love, but like the relationship kind of was a bit toxic at the end and they just like weren't each other's person anyway. Obviously they broke up. She's super heartbroken and everything. She's like you know, when you go through a breakup you're a bit vulnerable. So she starts going out in london a bit, meets this other guy let's call him benny.

Ilmz:

Oh sorry, not to associate with my ex, unless Benny. Unless it is. If it is, no, no, no, no.

Yaz:

Okay, not Benny. I mean like let's call him Tim. So she meets Tim out. She, you know, is going out with him a lot, not dating or anything, just as friends. She expresses to Tim like oh, I can't have anything serious, I don't want a boyfriend, I don't want to see someone. Like I'm still really hung up on my ex. You know, after a while he's like I have feelings for you and she's like, oh my God, maybe I should give this nice guy a chance. She's like I'm not that attracted to him, but he's been so nice to me, like why am I not? And it very quickly turns really toxic because he's just really jealous. So to the point of, like she would sit down somewhere and this guy would like, if a guy even looked at her for too long, even if she didn't speak to him, he would shout at her. She's like I know this is wrong, but I don't know. I don't want to be alone, which is so hard oh, it's hard like the final straw comes.

Yaz:

When, like he basically was like I want you to come to Henry Regatta with me. She's like no, like I don't want to. Like I have work the next day and her work wasn't in London so she wouldn't be coming back with him after She'd have to get a taxi then to this other place. Anyway, she's like, fine, he really wants me there, I'm going to do it. She gets there. He doesn't even answer his phone, doesn't like message her. So she's driven like an hour and a half and he's just got cold Ends up locating him and he is so drunk that he can barely speak to her.

Yaz:

Anyway, he's so drunk. He's so drunk, he's like abusing herself, shouting at her because she went to the bar and this man tried to talk to her, and then, anyway, he gets so drunk, drunk. She's like I can't do this, like I'm gonna get his friends, they can take him home anyway. She's like leaving the thing and to get out of it it's quite hard. And she gets like notified by the police because he basically got thrown in jail I'm not jail, but got arrested by them because he fell into the lake at henry regatta because he was so drunk and then obviously was like angry about it and then so she had to come and pick up her boyfriend after he just abused her and he was drunk and fell in the lake. Anyway, after that she was like no, I'm done with this, like I can't take this abuse, I've got to get out. When they broke up, he then persisted to post on social media calling media being calling her a dog a dog.

Ilmz:

Sorry, repeat that just again. So after doing all that getting arrested, abusing, he goes on stories, public instagram story, to abuse her. Yeah, that's disgusting still.

Yaz:

She's like being the bigger person you know, trying not to let that get to her. She's like, oh my god, this is embarrassing for me, like he's making this a public thing and like I actually haven't done anything. She goes away and he sent her a 16 page letter to her family house saying how bad she is and how horrible of a person she is and basically was like the nastiest message you've ever 16 page of what?

Ilmz:

that's what she said listing down every single dog breed like no, she said to me.

Yaz:

She was like, to be honest, I don't know how he wrote 16 pages. I couldn't even write one. Was it handwritten? Yeah, oh, my god. Anyway, so that's their breakup story. She hasn't seen him since. Thanks, self-respect, but that is like the thing of like you can't get into something with the wrong person, especially if they're not mentally stable, because you like that after for her, scared her to date again, like she was already scared to date in a vulnerable spot, and then she has this psycho come in like do that to her and it's always annoying.

Ilmz:

Sometimes the rebound scars you way worse than your actual relationship yeah, like her actual relationship, she like had love for him.

Yaz:

They just didn't work out.

Ilmz:

You know, like when she talks about it now like you can tell, whereas like this man's that is so messed up I just can't get over the arrest and then falling into the lake and then also to ghost her before an event that he begged her to show up to yeah, super toxic, like.

Yaz:

And then every single time a man would even just sit next to her. Even if they were like his friends, if they spoke to her for too long or spoke to her, he would lose it, lose it.

Ilmz:

I think it's because he was probably cheating on her, because a man gets that jealous or that possessive when they're doing the same thing.

Yaz:

Yeah, because they like think, like oh yeah they must be doing it because, like I'm doing it, or even if they don't think they're doing it, it makes them feel better about themselves.

Ilmz:

I think it's a very toxic, weird way to assert your masculinity and dominance and I'm so happy for your friend that she got out Like she must be thriving in the breakup diet, I hope.

Yaz:

Yeah, I mean, she went away straight away after because actually, yeah, she went away with me. So yeah and I remember we, I remember when she got this letter because we were like what the actual hell? It was really nasty, like. I'm not gonna say what was in the letter, but it was like you've seen it, I've heard what's in it. Do you have a story?

Ilmz:

well, I have a really good submission. I'm gonna try and keep it as pg rated as possible, because it does get a bit racy. Yes, so this was sent in from a bi guy. I'm just gonna read out his submission. I'm a bi guy and start to explore things with guys. I met this one gay guy who just wanted to give me head all the time and was wanting to do that all the time. This was new to me, because girls aren't like that. I mean, it's true, we're, we're not.

Yaz:

Yeah, you're not like.

Ilmz:

We're not dying for it.

Yaz:

Yeah, unless you're like a full-blown call-a-daddy, that kind of thing rep which like I love, but like I'm not dying to do that no Same. I wouldn't be like yes, this morning I want to wake up and do that.

Ilmz:

Yeah. So in the meantime I met someone. We were having fun chatting, but the sex was just no good as oh my God, he's given the guy a name Gluck no return.

Yaz:

So it is a cooler guy, yeah, basically.

Ilmz:

I'm not sure how to stop thinking about how good their head was and focus on my current relationship, because that person I'm seeing right now is so lovely. But I also don't know whether I should break up with them and start seeing Glockno return again, even though I have no future with him. What can I do to stop thinking about it?

Yaz:

okay, so my initial thoughts from the breakup diet one of the co-hosts, I'm gonna say he needs to break up with that habit, yeah, he needs to break up with his fear, obviously because he enjoys it. He's, you know, he enjoys the gluck.

Ilmz:

No return I mean I think we all would, if there's no return I don't know, I feel a bit awkward, maybe oh, I'm a takeoff you know what I mean.

Yaz:

So I think he needs to break up with his obviously idea that he doesn't want to be with this other person. He needs to break up with the girl he's seeing, or the guy he's seeing don't know, and then, you know, accept that this is what he's going for. This is the right route, you know, especially if it's that good, who cares Go? Do you know what I?

Ilmz:

mean. But root, you know, especially if it's like good, who cares go do you know what I mean? But then, oh, it's hard if you. Oh, I was just gonna say like it might be so hard in that it feels so wrong because it's so easy yeah, also maybe because he doesn't have to do any like work for it at all. Maybe it's a bit like so is that like that could never turn into a relationship.

Yaz:

Come on no, I feel like lots of people do really I feel, like that is a thing, like people obviously are intimate and then they end up dating. I feel like that's how a lot of people trap people. They're like that. So with the glock, no return with the glock no return that's what you need to get on il Ilma. Then you can trap the men.

Ilmz:

Oh, I would need a return. No, no, no, you've got to be a giver, not a taker. No, I would need a return. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Yaz:

No, yeah, I think he needs to break up with his bad habit of that and just go for it and see.

Ilmz:

Yeah.

Yaz:

I and see, yeah, I think so too, because otherwise it's just gonna sabotage all his current relationships.

Ilmz:

I mean it is, I feel, if he's thinking about glucky non-stop.

Yaz:

Yeah, and it's kind of like if you're in a um, if you're trying to date again, but you haven't recovered from your trauma of your ex. So you know, when you're like trying to date again, but your head's not there, it's all in the other basket and then it's just like you know it doesn't work out. So he needs to get rid of the other baskets yeah, basically wow, what would you do in that position?

Ilmz:

what if I explain exactly sorry I'm now thinking about the what glockner return is, thinking like what goes in his head to just like give head, expect nothing and just go about his day. I don't know like I actually kind of want to understand the psychology of like wanting to please someone that much maybe he just want he and maybe he is trying to trap him.

Yaz:

He's like I know I've got the goods. You know. He's like I know this will get him thinking I mean it definitely has. But then like he definitely knows how to do it too, because he's had it done to him.

Ilmz:

Yeah, so he probably got Glockner returned.

Yaz:

Yeah, this probably happened to him, and now he's Passing it on. So the submitter might turn into a glaucoma return as well.

Ilmz:

Exactly Evolution, Wow Okay well, there we go, case closed. You learn a new skill. Yeah, I like it. Yeah, amazing. Do we have any more?

Yaz:

Yeah, yeah, I have more stories than asking for advice.

Ilmz:

Okay, let's hear it.

Yaz:

People need to be aware of this story because it is genius. So this girl and guy are in a relationship for four, three years, so they've been dating a while. They have like a mostly good relationship, but it's a little bit toxic here and there. Anyway, in the last year of them dating, he goes away for work and she receives a random message on Instagram being like hi, is this your boyfriend? And she's like yeah, oh yeah. She's like yeah, that is my boyfriend, because this guy had her on his instagram so there's photos of them together so anybody that would stalk would obviously see that. Anyway, so he's not hiding it. Anyway, she's like yeah, that is my boyfriend. And she's like well, I've kind of been talking to him on Tinder, stop it. She's like WTF, like what the hell? Obviously, he confronts him, whatever, they have a massive row, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, plants a seed of like untrust in this man, obviously, but they stay together, whatever.

Yaz:

A year goes by. Again A year, yeah, yeah. So they had this massive argument. They obviously resolved it, whatever, messed up, she forgave him, okay, but obviously over this year they're having more fights because she, she's lost a bit of trust in him, like you would. You know it makes you insecure. Yeah, that makes you insecure, because then you're obviously thinking every time he goes out, like what is he actually doing?

Ilmz:

or you're thinking you want to see his phone because he already did that to you before you know like, obviously, even just like him sitting next to you being on this phone, I'd get insecure, being like what's he doing on his phone?

Yaz:

yeah, which is like a if you did that to, if a girl did that to a guy, he would feel the same way, but the difference is the guy wouldn't stay with the girl no, because guys have better standards, I feel.

Yaz:

I don't think they have better standards, but I think they're not in terms of like quality of people, but like they don't put up with shit yeah, I feel like they, just because it's not the manly thing to do to take a girl back, so they don't do it, whereas, like, a girl will fight for it because she doesn't even care, like what other people are saying. Anyway, back to the story. So then, um, he goes away, this time for a what trip? And she's like he goes to dubai and she's like, okay, fine, whatever. She's like I don't know, I just feel like. I just feel like I want to check.

Yaz:

So she creates a fake profile of a girl that he knew, of a girl that looked like quite trashy and that she knew he would like, and sets her location to his hotel room, like not hotel room, hotel that he's staying at in Dubai. So obviously, like it's a one mile radius of this hotel, you're bound to probably come up anyway. He's away for like a week. She's like going through. She's like, oh my god, I'm being a psycho, like it's not going to come up. It's not going to a week. She's like going through. She's like, oh my god, I'm being a psycho, like it's not gonna come up. It's not gonna come up anyway. She keeps going through because she's like whatever, anyway, on the last night she goes through and she's just like I'm just gonna do one more. It's like 2 am in the morning and then she's like she does it bang. He comes up. So she's like, what, what would I do in this situation? Super like him. So she sends him like the direct thing or whatever. So, like it obviously comes up and he obviously matches yeah, how bad. Anyway. At the same time she's like, oh, I'm gonna actually message my boyfriend as myself, you know and try to FaceTime him and all this sort of stuff. So she's chatting him with on facetime and he's like trying to get off the phone. He's like I just got to pack, like I'm tired, I'm going to bed. She's like, okay, have a nice night.

Yaz:

All at the same time she's messaging him and he basically invited this fake girl to his hotel room to sleep with her and like, anyway, she was like being like on those messages inviting her to the hotel room to sleep with her and like, anyway, she was like being like on those messages inviting her to the hotel room, all this. And she's like, oh, so then she goes like, finally ends up just go singing at the end after he's like so desperately trying to get her over the fake one. Anyway, in the morning he's like oh, where'd you go? She's like oh, sorry, like I was a bit drunk, like I just like went out, whatever.

Yaz:

He comes back to london and this girl obviously goes and gets all her stuff and just says, oh, by the way, who's julia? And he's like he's like what are you talking about? He's like julia messaged me and to this day he has no idea that it was her. He doesn't know. I was like that's brilliant. She's like I can't tell him because then he'll flip it and make it a me thing. But he cheated on me and was asking a girl to a hotel room, so I don't want to give him anything to like you know, hold me accountable. He did the wrong thing.

Ilmz:

Oh, she played it well, like genius, genius genius I want to stand up and applaud for her. She played it so well I.

Yaz:

I think I would crack and be half, I would be like it was me or I'd be like because I just would be like you're so dumb like I would want to rub that in, but the fact that she didn't even do that because she was like you know, I just need to get out and away from this crazy person I love that for her.

Ilmz:

So she left with her head held high dignity still intact. I think she is the queen.

Yaz:

So I thought that was like a brilliant story, because obviously I wouldn't have thought of doing that, but it's genius I think so too.

Ilmz:

A bit of investigation doesn't hurt, and once you've compiled your evidence, just leave. Sometimes the person doesn't even need a reason.

Yaz:

They know if they're guilty, they know and also this is like a few things you know to even get to that point of when you're feeling like you have to do that he's obviously he's made that problem, he's made that untrust. You know what I mean to do that you don't have to tell them, like if they've done something and you want to break up with them, you can break up with them, but you don't have to tell them all the truth. If they didn't tell you all the truth by cheating on you and like hiding things, then why would you tell them?

Ilmz:

yeah, I think like what she did was like a good example of soft ghosting. Sometimes that is so fine she didn't ghost him.

Yaz:

She like got all her stuff and broke up with him, but she just didn't say the reason she didn't ghost him. She like got all her stuff and broke up with him, but she just didn't say the reason she didn't. She's well, she did, but she didn't say it was her genius, honestly, oh, she had handled it the best way ever.

Yaz:

I feel like I need to take notes yeah, and also she was saying the reason the breakup didn't hurt as much for her at this point is that there'd been so many points that obviously she was sick. She was getting sick in herself of like all the scenarios, all the mental like strain that puts on you. You know what I mean. When you're in a toxic relationship and you need to break up, you're so unhappy. And then when it finally happened and it was like full, full, hard evidence, like you know what I mean he spoke to her. He just didn't know. Then you're like what can I do now? It's not something that you can just be like, oh, maybe that didn't happen. Like maybe this girl got it a bit wrong. Like you're like no, that's why, like, a breakup is so hard, because it's not just, it's not a one stage process. You know you have to come to terms with it yourself first.

Ilmz:

Really, and I feel like that can be the longest stage, yeah, like the toughest stage to get to, because you're in denial for it for so long and you're kind of conditioned into thinking that, oh, but like I probably won't find anyone else better because, like the streets are so rough right now, um, it's better to just be with someone than to be completely alone.

Yaz:

Yeah, it's like after you hear all these stories and these subs, you're probably thinking like, oh my god if you're happy to be single. Yeah, if, if you are in a toxic relationship, that you don't want to be single. But it's honestly better too, because all these stories, they all have a similar thing that it did end.

Ilmz:

It ended and I feel like everyone's doing better, because they're not in that relationship. I'm hoping.

Yaz:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean some of the stories are not my close friends, you know, but from what I've heard through the grapevine, yeah, Listening to these shitty relationship stories, it makes me want to be single.

Ilmz:

You are single. No, I mean, it makes me happy that I'm single.

Yaz:

Actually, yeah, yeah, I get you, I get you if you're in a bad one, that where they're not good, and that you're having all this trauma, and then you have to go through the whole thing of the breakup and have all those problems that might follow you, then yeah, I get it, but no risk and no reward.

Ilmz:

I'm happy that you know what? All the relationships that I've had, I've left unscathed and I want to remain unscathed, oh yeah yeah, I get that.

Yaz:

You should be happy. That's a win from you.

Ilmz:

Yeah, I feel like I want that to be for everyone, though everyone should be able to leave a relationship unscathed, like if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. There's no need for it to get nasty to the levels that we've discussed today. It's like I don't know, it's like left such a like shock to my system.

Yaz:

I think it gets nasty when people are like they obviously care. You know, because I know that sounds weird, but you know, when you're so passionate and care so much and you're so like oddly linked to that person, then something happens like you're in such big rage you know what I mean like and I know that's not correct, but you're so angry and you just can't control it. Seek therapy seek therapy.

Ilmz:

That's like a big part of the breakup type double therapy, antidepressants and just good behavior to one another yeah, and don't take it to social media yeah, I think breakups should be between the two people. That's it. No one else needs to know, apart from oh, we're not together anymore.

Yaz:

All this dirty underwear, burning this, exposing that no need yeah, so I think we should end on that, yeah stay.

Ilmz:

Be well behaved, guys.

People on this episode

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Ilma Shahrene

Co-host
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Yasmin Misner

Co-host