.jpeg)
The Break-Up Diet
Welcome to The Break Up Diet—your weekly dose of self-improvement, glow-ups, and everything breakups (yes, not just the romantic ones). Hosted by Yasmin and Ilma, we’re your no-BS besties here to guide you through every type of breakup—whether it’s from a person, a toxic cycle, or even your old self.
We’re flipping the breakup narrative.
No more heartbreak—just transformation. No more setbacks—only glow-ups. Breakups are the ultimate opportunity to level up, and we’re here to help you do exactly that. Whether it's navigating friendships, situationships, or even kicking bad habits (we see you, vaping!), we’ve got the raw, real talk to help you rebuild and thrive.
Grab your seat, darlings—this is where the best version of YOU begins.
Accounts:
TikTok- @thebreakupdiet
Instagram- @the_breakup_diet
The Break-Up Diet
Do You Need CLOSURE...Or Do You Just Miss Your Ex????
Why do we desperately chase closure after a relationship ends? Is it really about finding answers, or is it something deeper and more complicated?
In this raw, honest conversation, we explore the psychology behind those post-breakup "closure talks" that so many of us have experienced. From the awkward coffee dates to the tearful FaceTime calls, we dissect what we're really seeking when we ask for "one last conversation" with someone who's walked away.
"Every time I have a closure conversation, I have more questions and I never end up asking them, so I kind of end up leaving closureless," one host admits, capturing the frustrating cycle many find themselves in. We tackle the uncomfortable truth that sometimes these conversations are less about healing and more about trying to win someone back – complete with the strategic outfit choices and perfectly timed vulnerability.
We share practical advice for those determined to have the closure talk: wait at least a week after the breakup, prepare your thoughts in advance, look your absolute best, and focus on understanding rather than accusations. But we also challenge listeners to consider whether external closure is even necessary. Could the healthiest form of closure be finding it within yourself?
The conversation takes a powerful turn when we discuss the validity of all relationship endings, whether from marriages, long-term partnerships, or situationships. "Every breakup is valid...and you're allowed to feel bad and feel hurt, even if it wasn't a boyfriend or a husband," we emphasize, acknowledging that connection and intimacy of any kind leaves its mark.
Ready to rethink what closure really means and how you might find it without that one last conversation? Listen now and join us on the path to genuine healing.
Instagram:
@the_breakup_diet
TikTok:
@thebreakupdiet
Email: thebreakupdietpodcast@gmail.com
well, another episode we're back.
Ilmz:Yes, how's it going? What's new fill me in?
Yaz:we do this every single time and I literally have nothing new to tell you because we see each other all the time we talk to each other all the time yeah, every day, all day no, genuinely like.
Ilmz:If I have notifications, it's just yes, but it's like, it's like having a boyfriend, but, like you know, like I have someone to talk to all the time yeah, it actually is.
Yaz:It's not even like late night texts.
Ilmz:I get some from milma, he gets lots from me yeah, when you have ideas going you like oh yeah, sorry, no, I love it.
Yaz:I feel like we need to get a um separate thing for like actual serious ideas and because otherwise you get lost in the whatsapp I think we need like two phones yeah. So what would you do if I suddenly just ghosted you?
Ilmz:I'd be like um business partner. There's a contract, you can't just leave me.
Yaz:Would you not be thinking like why? Yes, I'd be like can I get some closure? Please Buckle up bitches. It's going to get bumpy. This is the breakup diet, but why? Why would you want the closure? Because they're just like bang gone Well yeah, I need some answers.
Ilmz:I need to know why you left. But what if they're the answers you don't want to hear? Well, I'd want to know, because I just don't want you to leave without telling me. I need to know.
Yaz:What if I said, ilma, I don't want to do this podcast, no more, I don't want to see you no more, no more, I don't want to see you, no more. We had, and we had a friendship breakup and that was it, but it was as blunt as like three sentences. Two sentences.
Ilmz:I would honestly fight to have a closure and say, look, can we talk about it, can we mediate it? I would fight for you, yaz.
Yaz:Basically, I'm guessing you believe in having a closure conversation 100, 100 even if you're actually done even if you're actually done.
Ilmz:It's nice to have a little conversation as just an act of decency.
Yaz:Come on but what if you hear something you don't want to hear? Like imagine you in your head, you're, you know, you're running around with what happened, okay, and you don't really understand whatever. And what if they literally just say, like I'm not into you, don't like you, you're not all that, like that would crush you even more, no, like you're going through a breakup. And then they hit you with that and you're like shit, I'm a piece of dirt on the street.
Ilmz:They don't want me, but I don't know why they don't want me, so I need to know.
Yaz:Yeah but they might not even tell you why.
Ilmz:That's like one of the hardest things I've learned in some of my breakups, where they just go and not give you a real reason.
Yaz:Yeah, I think it is really hard, Like if you're going to a breakup and then you have no reason or nothing that you can think about and you go crazy because you don't also know if your reason that you think it is is correct.
Ilmz:You just don't know anything and that's such a mind boggling thing. I don't like it. No, I don't think anybody likes it, but I still don't think you should have a closure conversation if you're actually done if something were to happen to you or say, in your previous like situationships, have you not given them a reason as to why it ended?
Yaz:no, really. But if I've it ended now, then I would be like with my. I always say with my boyfriend I'm like ew, but yes, I have a boyfriend, show us the ring. But if it ended with him, I would want to close the conversation because I would want to weasel my way back in there.
Ilmz:See you get it girl.
Yaz:You get it. That's because I'm not actually done. But if I'm actually done with the relationship and I want to move on, why have a closure conversation? That's the thing. If you don't want to move on secretly and you want to get them back, definitely have a closure conversation because you can weasel your way in there. Look really hot, know been there.
Ilmz:Done that. That's how I started seeing my ex again yeah, me too.
Yaz:It's how you, it's how what you do. You will look really hot. You wear those nice jeans or those nice trousers all the skins yeah, yeah, that like accentuate your bod, yeah. And then you go to the bathroom, walk to the bathroom, they like get up and they're like, and then you're like, you come back, they're in love I would want to have that conversation, even if I was done.
Ilmz:I'd want to just have a final conversation and say look, x, y and z. I'm really sorry.
Yaz:I wish you all the best do you think you would have that conversation like bang, you break up, it's the next day, or two months down the line, two weeks down the line. What's the timeframe? Oh, hell.
Ilmz:no, if I was to dump someone, I would have the closure conversation during the dumping.
Yaz:I don't think that's closure conversation then. Really, why is that? For for me a closure conversation is like you get broke, you know, because breakups are quite impulsive. Sometimes they're quite like bang, you know done, you're can't get out your emotions, like I, if I'm really upset, I can't, you know, articulate, like I'm having trouble right now, you know, and then you don't say half the stuff, like I think a closure conversation is then when you like, reflect and come back at it.
Ilmz:Yeah, no, you're actually right. So have that impulsive breakup, give some time to think about what actually happened and then just have the closure, the final conversation.
Yaz:Yeah.
Ilmz:But then wouldn't you just end up like I don't know, getting a bit horny?
Yaz:Yeah, that's the thing. Most people end up having sex. I'm sorry, but there's no way. If I was going through a breakup and somebody broke up with me, or even if I wanted to get them back, I'm not spreading my legs.
Ilmz:I'd be like don't touch me, you dump me.
Yaz:I'll be like you can never, ever, ever be with me ever again. But if you are really nice, I might let you, but not on this conversation.
Ilmz:Do you know what I mean? I feel like, how does this happen? It happens to a lot of people. Oh my gosh, like all my friends, one of them sort of started seeing their like ugly boyfriend, ex-boyfriend and they were just gonna have a catch-up closure dinner and then they end up having sex yeah, but a closure dinner is also another thing.
Yaz:A closure dinner is more than a closure conversation, that kind of screams date yes yeah, but no, I wouldn't. I couldn't do that.
Ilmz:I would be like too proud so how would you have a closure conversation on text on the phone or in person?
Yaz:I mean, I feel like a facetime yeah, you know I ain't traveling to you or you ain't traveling to me. You ain't gonna ruin my house because you, like, we had this horrible conversation, maybe in my house yeah, what if they punch a wall or something? Yeah, or just ruin the feng shui I get you.
Ilmz:I get you.
Yaz:If they leave like negative energy, it messes with you yeah, because also, when you're going through a breakup I don't know if you've heard this, but like for me anyway, because I like had had the breakup I remembered that person, like bits of that person, in my own house, because that's where we started our relationship.
Ilmz:Really, all those memories came up it sticks for a bit, doesn't it?
Yaz:yeah. So I don't want then another horrible memory to ruin. I'd prefer to think about the good memories. You know a hundred percent.
Ilmz:I got dumped in my bedroom and I'm just counting the days till my tenancy is over. I feel like maybe that's why I haven't been technically over this ex fair, fair.
Yaz:Did you have a like bedroom makeover at all, or you just left it the same? Left it the same? Well, you're asking to rot well, I can't afford much no, no, I get, I get what you're saying. It's expensive and you're like ah, bedroom, no one sees it anyway, sorry, yeah, no no, but no, generally no one sees it.
Ilmz:Anyway, it's so tiny I can't even host someone else because it feels I've been to yeah, it's tiny. It's actually not that small it's like half the size of this I didn't remember it being that small that's because you might have been intoxicated no, oh yeah, it's like the beer goggles.
Yaz:Everything looks good, but it's not. Yeah, exactly exactly. How would you describe closure?
Ilmz:having the answers, finding the answers to everything. But I know I say that every time I do have a closure conversation, I have more questions and I never end up asking them, so I kind of end up leaving closureless yeah, or you want a closure conversation part two.
Yaz:You can't have a closure conversation part two, you know.
Ilmz:I know, I know, but like this was back when I was ultra desperate, like I had my friendship breakup, my relationship breakup. Both gave me amazing closure. Conversation still wasn't enough for me yeah, that's because you're greedy. You're so greedy but how much is enough? It doesn't feel like the more information you get, the more you ask about the information what type of stuff would you be asking, like, how would you actually?
Yaz:because I've never had, I've had a kind of closure conversation, but it wasn't closure because we didn't end. But, because I got back in there.
Ilmz:Yes, Ha, ha ha.
Yaz:It was all part of my plan. Anyway, how, what would you actually say? Because for me it was awkward. I went to this meetup, you sit down, you look at each other and then you basically almost start crying.
Ilmz:Oh my God, yeah, it's really embarrassing.
Yaz:It's awkward, like and then you're in public. So this is what happened to me. And then you're in public and you start tearing up. You don't want to cry because you've done the slay on the makeup. You know tearing up. You don't want to cry because you you've done the sleigh on the makeup. You know the outfit sleigh, the hair sleigh, the makeup sleigh. Now he's starting to cry.
Ilmz:I'm like, oh my god, this is embarrassing but then you don't want to like cry about the relationship. So for me, when we had the coffee date closure date, he asked me oh, how's your work been? I started crying to that, being like oh, work's been really busy, I just can't manage anymore.
Yaz:Yeah, you see, the closure conversation is hard because then you're also so, so emotional so vulnerable.
Ilmz:Yeah, you're so vulnerable, so emotional. It's just really embarrassing. Yet I want, I want to know like more. I keep on getting the why questions. It's really annoying. Yes, I think that comes from your childhood though.
Yaz:Why? Because everybody's like why when they're young, even I'm like why? But you've got to let it go. You've got to let go of the why. You've got to have a closure conversation with yourself to let go of the why, oh why. You got to have a closure conversation with yourself to let go of the why.
Ilmz:Oh, why do you ask the why? Well, when does it stop? So when does the why turn into whatever? The why turns into whatever when you realize that you are the catch and they are lost it's crazy because, like, even though physically it looks obvious where they catch, but in a breakup you just feel like you're not yeah, you feel like such dirt, don't you? Oh my god I feel lowest I feel like, wait, I'm actually at the ugliest girl in london.
Yaz:Um, probably you just have these negative spiral and you question everything I don't think of, I wouldn't think of myself as really ugly, necessarily that's because you're not the no no, no, no, but neither are you, but you know what I mean. Like that's what I'm coming at. I come at it like I'm just like a useless yeah, like I just wasn't good enough.
Yaz:Yeah, that angle, the good enough angle, is what gets me. It's not the, I don't the prettiness. I'm like you kind of feel that a little bit. You're like, oh, is he going to find somebody better?
Ilmz:Yeah, and you just think if he got me, surely he can get someone 10 times better than me. But why?
Yaz:See why. Yeah, but why could he get somebody better? Just because he got you?
Ilmz:Because girls might have seen him with me being like oh, like, if he landed like a hot girl like him, he might be like A hot girl like him, hot girl. Sorry, learning lots about you, il. If another girl saw him with me, what if they get curious and think oh like, what is he doing with a hot girl like her?
Yaz:maybe there's something to him yeah, to be fair, that is a thing you do see like ugly men, and then they have hot streams of really hot girlfriends and you're always like why? It's because Big dick Wallet no, yeah.
Ilmz:Body.
Yaz:Probably both. Personality, personality probably, I think so too, the funny ones always have that Basically because some hot girl has gone with them. They're like stock value is like you know.
Ilmz:It goes up.
Yaz:It's up.
Ilmz:It. Stock value is like you know. It goes up, it's up, it goes up. Yes, do you think it's possible to ever get closure without speaking to the ex?
Yaz:that would be nice yeah, I think it actually is. I think you can have closure without speaking to the ex if you're self-aware, so, like you gotta be thinking, okay, what did I actually do wrong? Not what you think you did wrong. You know what I mean. Like what? What are the actual things? Like that you know he didn't like, for example, that you did.
Yaz:That might be something that's so hard, so basically hold yourself accountable yeah, if it was like a build-up or something, then you could probably have a closure within yourself without having to see them or get therapy oh yeah, I had double therapy to realize that actually I kind of was I could see how are you the problem?
Ilmz:um, I would let my insecurity really take control of the relationship. It's not good.
Yaz:What was your insecurity?
Ilmz:Well, I got cheated on in one of my relationships and I just would. It was hard for me to move on and I kept on. You know, accusing him of cheating would have him, you know, have his find my location on and, yeah, I just ruined it, even though he, I think, didn't cheat.
Yaz:Fair. That is hard, once you have something like traumatic like that happen, not to bring it in, especially if you got cheated on Because it's so easy Like it's so easy, which sucks. It's so easy to get caught, though, too. It's easy to do, and it's easy to get caught, I think.
Ilmz:Oh, it's so easy, it's like. And when men cheat, they do it so sloppily, it's like they want to get caught.
Yaz:Yeah, my friend was telling me about. This is actually a story. My friend was telling me about this guy. She went on a date with Really nice guy and he just aired her right Bang, aired her. She's thinking what the hell? Like we had such a nice day, or this. Anyway, runs into him maybe six months later I don't know the exact timeframe, but I know it was like a long time later and he's looking quite like ghostly, you know, like quite she's like what the fuck?
Yaz:Anyway, his girlfriend went to the bathroom and comes back and then like he's obviously with this girl who's his girlfriend, and then, anyway, one of their friends ended up talking to my friend's friend and they've been, they're engaged that's disgusting engaged and she my friend went on a full-blown date with this guy, really vibed a lot and she was feeling so down because she was like what the hell like this guy, like we had such a nice time, like all this, and then just nothing way to like crush your hopes as well, because it's such a big thing to be able to like vibe with someone on the date.
Ilmz:It's kind of rare sometimes yeah, yeah.
Yaz:But then also her closure in that that whole thing was finding out, which sucks. Finding out he had a girlfriend, because she was thinking she was the problem, oh my.
Ilmz:God and you don't really even get a closure from that. You don't even get the. Why did you do this? Why did you date outside your engagement?
Yaz:No, I think the closure was knowing that it's not you.
Ilmz:Ah, okay.
Yaz:So she was blaming herself, being like, oh it's, maybe like I'm not pretty or maybe I'm not, like he doesn't like me as a person like her, actual, you know, even though they were vibing, which sucks like to hear to get rejection of yourself, like obviously, like to that level when you're actually on a date and you spent two hours with somebody or whatever. That's hard, you know, to like digest.
Ilmz:I'd be traumatized. I feel like I'd have the worst trust issues after that.
Yaz:What do you think is worse? Realizing that he doesn't want you and realizing that what you wanted to know isn't good and realizing that what you wanted to know isn't good? Like he's just like. You're just not my person and you're ugly and you have no motivation. You've never done anything in your life. Okay, really bad stuff.
Ilmz:Seeking validation is such a huge part of my personality, I'd be like why? Why do you think I'm not good enough?
Yaz:Okay, so let's act this out Ilma, I'm going to be your ex.
Ilmz:Which one?
Yaz:I don't know which one, but like I'm just going to pretend to be a man. Okay, so you want to start this conversation? What's going on?
Ilmz:Well, you broke up with me and you never really gave me an answer. You did it so abruptly.
Yaz:Yeah, because you were pissing me off. Well, you broke up with me and you never really gave me an answer.
Ilmz:You did it so abruptly, yeah, because you were pissing me off. Well, what did I do?
Yaz:You went on my phone, yeah well, when I was in the shower.
Ilmz:You never said that it was a problem. You didn't have a problem with it then.
Yaz:I did say it was a problem.
Ilmz:Well, it didn't go through my ears, I'm sorry.
Yaz:Let's get back together. Why are you apologizing? You're not meant to say I'm sorry. Also, you know what I heard that you shouldn't do. Is that just reminded me? In a closure conversation? I got told by my friends before do not cry about the relationship. Boys don't like it when you cry. How are you not meant to cry if you're just like lost this good thing? How, how do you fight back those tears?
Ilmz:Like I don't get it. I'm not a man. I'm not going to just hold my tears because of masculinity. You know what I mean.
Yaz:And they're like, yeah, don't do it because you're you know they don't want to see you cry. They get awkward, which is probably true.
Ilmz:Like, yeah, I get it Well, cry, they get awkward which is probably true, like, yeah, I get it. Well then, you shouldn't have hurt me in the first place. Yeah, but you're the one wanting to get back with them or stay with them or have the conversation. Yeah, yes for me. Or just in general, to be honest, when is the right time to just stop seeking closure? When does it get enough?
Yaz:well, if you're really ready you know but that's hard to tell when you've had a breakup to stop seeking the closure. I would just think about it a lot yourself and try to pick out. Be self-aware, try to pick out your things. Make a decision on like three okay, maybe even two. Don't put too many reasons, because I'm sure there aren't and you're beating yourself up for nothing, you know. Pick two reasons and be like maybe I could have done that better. That's it, but I wouldn't blame yourself for anything and then try to move on and distract yourself.
Ilmz:Yeah, distraction is actually key.
Yaz:It's one of the first steps of the breakup diet yeah, I think distraction, yeah, it's not healthy, but it definitely does help because you get them out of your head but you can distract yourself in like healthy ways like gym, hanging out with your friends, work, yeah, get a new like hobby. That's something you should 100%.
Ilmz:I think if you're dwelling too long about this stupid closure, it's because you're not busy enough. Get another job.
Yaz:If you've got a job, get another one yeah, you have to be so uber busy that you just don't even have time to think about it yeah, focus on the rebrand, focus on the glow up, focus on the diet you know, this actually idea for me for me came up because I had that breakup. I had like a mini breakup, not a full breakup, but I had a mini breakup and I was like brilliant, I'm gonna actually do the podcast. Oh, and that's when we met.
Ilmz:We also met at the divorce and I was like I know, ilma is just the perfect person to be on this and do it yeah, I think like we were both kind of experienced heartbreak in different contexts at the same time yeah, yours is a lot more extreme than mine, but my still is valid. Situation of situationship. But like relationship breakups, situationship breakups, all of it.
Yaz:Divorce breakups, they're all hard yeah, it doesn't matter really, because that's the thing we want to normalize on this podcast is every breakup is yeah, it doesn't matter really, because that's the thing we want to normalize on this podcast is every breakup is valid. It doesn't have to be just because you didn't feel like the divorce.
Yaz:One is obviously super, super intense, but so is a relationship yeah, and so is a situation ship and you're allowed to feel bad and feel hurt, even if it wasn't a boyfriend or a husband yeah, it was still someone that you spent such a long time with. I don't think we should stigmatize on situationship breakups anymore yeah, and also like, imagine like you've still had sex with them yeah, you had like feelings for them, you had a connection.
Ilmz:You really thought that you were gonna have a future or something. You really like them at some point. So I think it's awful when you can't, you know, cry about a situation ship or feel like, oh, this is so silly that you know I'm feeling this sad about a relationship.
Yaz:Okay, ilma, do you have any tips? For if somebody was going for a closure conversation? They secretly want to get back with their ex, maybe, or they're not sure, it doesn't really matter, you still want to look good. What are you doing? Do you have any tips?
Ilmz:Well, I'm hoping by then, when you're seeking that closure, the breakup diet's kicked in. You're looking good, you're at the gym. You're looking after your appearance. You're feeling good. You're journ kicked in. You're looking good, you're at the gym. You're looking after your appearance. You're feeling good. You're journaling. You're seeing a therapist. You're mentally strong enough to face your ex. I say yeah, go for it. If you haven't done that, don't even seek like, don't even start looking for a closure. You're not going to get it. It's terrible for your mental health, not worth it. What about you?
Yaz:yeah, you're too to be to go on to that. You're too unstable. So then throw like a grenade in there, because that's the x of the grenade.
Ilmz:Then you're asking, you're asking for it 100 if you feel like you're not over oh, just don't.
Yaz:I feel like you have to foreclose your conversation. So you have the breakup. It has to be even. It could be as close as a week after, but like a whole week after. So you break up on the Sunday. You don't see them until that next Sunday. So you have like a week to process stuff a bit.
Ilmz:That's a hard week. I can't lie that first process stuff a bit, that's a hard week. I can't lie that. First week off, yeah, that's honestly the worst thing.
Yaz:It's the worst thing ever, but my tips for if you're going to, like you're going to this closure conversation Hmm, okay, so first, I would obviously be doing all the prep, so my hair's being done, nice, even if you're not getting a blowout, I'm gonna actually, no, get a blowout.
Yaz:I think I'll treat yourself yeah, you feel so amazing like that salon. You know wind in your hair vibe. Then the night before I'd be going to bed early, I would not be going out, I'd not be drinking, um. So that way you're, you know, calm, you've well rested, you know you're thinking about your points. Maybe drop down your points just to just to even journal, you know, just so you're very clear, because sometimes when you go into those conversations you can get like overwhelmed yeah, I think when you write things down you have a clearer idea on what to say.
Ilmz:A better plan, so you're not like brain dead yeah so much yeah, like you said, so much going on that you can't vocabolize yeah, and you also forget.
Yaz:You forget half the stuff, like you're, you're there, they say one thing and you're just there like why, that's it, but then you can't say anything else yeah, you never ask them what you wanted to ask and you still don't get the closure yeah, so jot it down in your notes.
Yaz:Your like bullet points as such. You know, and I wouldn't be putting down points of why or you did this because I feel like people mess up when they go into something. They go into these closure conversations and they they are like you did this. You're bad, you're the problem, loki. You know what I mean, but that other person isn't gonna respond well to that no, don't be on the defense mode, just be there calm and neutral.
Ilmz:If you're looking to fight, then don't even leave the house. You look dumb.
Yaz:Yeah, literally, and they're just going to react bad.
Ilmz:Yeah, it's just going to end terribly and you don't need that kind of toxicity in your life. Like, come on, we're growing up now.
Yaz:Yeah, yeah, yeah, because what would you say? Say you were yelledoda by your ex being like you're the problem. You did this, you did that. You're gonna be like why do you want to have this conversation if you think I'm such a horrible human?
Ilmz:so why do you reach out to me if you think I'm such a horrible human like what?
Yaz:like yeah, why do you want to be with me? Then, if you think I'm such a horrible human, like leave me alone, just like a bitch about me.
Ilmz:Fine, don't like drag me out of my house for this stupid conversation.
Yaz:Yeah, and another thing that obviously when you're going a tip, when you're going to this conversation, I would be looking hot.
Ilmz:Definitely, when you look good, you feel good, you like, have better delivery in what you need to say you like, have better delivery in what you need to say and don't have sex with them when you, I wouldn't. No, that's like against the breakup diet. We're here on the cleanse. That's what the diet does.
Ilmz:Don't let that in no, don't, and then yeah, don't be a pick me girl in the conversation and just like as an interest of self-respect, like, do you really want to be picked by a guy that didn't want you? I'm sorry if he dumped you. He didn't want you. Why are you like, please, like closure and um, like let's like see if we can be like friends, friends or like something more.
Yaz:Yeah, no, also don't be friends, stuff that.
Ilmz:Oh yeah, Exes can never be friends.
Yaz:Yeah, like sorry, but maybe years down the line I could see that maybe, but still, no, don't like it. Go away, go away.
Ilmz:Because there's going to be weird sexual tension and someone's going to give in.
Yaz:That's just how it happens, yeah, and also it's just weird.
Ilmz:I don't think it's appropriate and you'll never move on and find someone.
Yaz:Yeah, you're sensitive to how they feel too, even if you don't want to be with them or something Like you imagine you're talking to this guy but then you run into your ex and you're probably going to be like thinking about your ex a little bit and lose that maybe good guy, the other one how are you going to make room for something new and better when you still have that deadbeat person that didn't want you?
Yaz:yeah, I have a um story for my own personal closure conversation. So broke up very sad, very abrupt, was abrupt, was like meh, anyway, really sad. Then I was like we're going to have a closure conversation Wasn't called a closure conversation, but it was like we're going to speak on the Sunday following. Anyway, before that we had a call on FaceTime Not on the Sunday but like on the Thursday, just a check-in kind of thing. Did you have your makeup done for the FaceTime? Not on the Sunday but like on the Thursday, just a check-in kind of thing, Did you have your makeup done for the FaceTime?
Yaz:I sat in front of a big window where there was light. No joke, I didn't know that this call was going to be on FaceTime, but I just had a gut feeling and I was like I need to look great, answered the phone call and this is what I was going to say earlier. That I forgot is I was so calm and so tranquil. He wasn't expecting that, so it hit him by surprise and he was like what? And that's how I won the relationship.
Ilmz:Oh, I love that yes yeah, so then.
Yaz:And then he was like. I was like, why are you? Why I don't know if he's gonna get annoyed for me saying this, but like why are you bothering about all the stuff? Like what happened, whatever? Like I'm over that, we can get past that. It's we enjoy spending time together and that's the fact. And so why are we doing any different?
Ilmz:Oh, that's really sweet.
Yaz:And then, yeah, we went for the closure conversation, looked fire, wore the jeans he likes, hello. And then bang, it was a bit awkward for a while, a little bit, and then slowly, you kind of rebuild that trust in that person and that I couldn't even tell you what I wanted.
Ilmz:Closure about now but I think, when the person's right for you, sometimes you do end up having these short little like blips, and then you come back stronger than ever yeah, because obviously, if you're in a relationship, it's not always going to be good, because even as a person, you're not always good.
Yaz:No, no, no. One day you're bad, one day you're this. You know, you don't know what happens, so how would you expect your relationship to be like that?
Ilmz:exactly like we have so many spectrums of emotions. When you've got two people in it together, it's never gonna be the smooth, amazing thing. Okay, have you ever looked back at, say, a situationship or something and you had like a closure with them and you realized, oh, that was a waste of my time, I didn't need that closure, to move on like why was I so desperate?
Yaz:no, because I've never had a closure conversation with a situation ship. It's kind of just ended, and then I've seeped closure within myself but not found it and then maybe a few years down the line I'm feeling you're actually not that great. Anyway, I had the. You know that I was in the dick sand, not in the dick sand now oh, the dick sounds a rough sound to get out of yeah.
Yaz:Then when you realize you're like why, and did I really do that? Have you ever had? Because I know you've had a friendship breakup? Yes, have you had a closure conversation with a friend?
Ilmz:okay, basically we did have a closure phone call, but it just wasn't enough to me. I wanted to know more, because that closure conversation I received all this new information about I guess my character and I never like saw myself that way and I thought, wait, what like? I need to know more, like why no, elma?
Yaz:this is always your question. You don't need to question, you don't need to know why. You don't need to know more. You're never going to be happy, that's true. I mean you are going to be happy, ilma, but I mean you're never going to be happy with the answer, because you're always going to be like, why but this? But that You've got to do some self-development?
Ilmz:Oh, 100%, which is probably why I've been too like oh, I don't need a relationship anymore and I don't really care for, like if a friendship breaks up, it breaks up. But because it was like my first, like friendship breakup as an adult yeah, it hits you differently, doesn't it?
Yaz:Yeah, yeah, do you think closure is just something that you need for yourself and do you, or do you think it's a necessary step? Really, is it something that you should do a closure conversation, or should you find it within yourself? Obviously, you can say the more healthy way and but what do you actually think?
Ilmz:I think, I think, after experiencing everything that I have in the context of breakups and closures, I don't think it's necessary anymore. If someone doesn't want you, why should you want them? Why do you need? Oh, my god, here's the why questions. Why do you need them?
Yaz:yeah, it's hard not to like you. You want to see them, even that last time, but it never goes the way that you want it to or expect it to. Even if you end up back together or whatever, it still doesn't play out the way that you played it out in your head.
Ilmz:Yeah, I completely agree, the temptation's there, but I think you need to really humble and ground yourself and realize look, this didn't work for a reason. Why am I choosing a path of self-destruction by going back to them and inviting that energy again? It's not worth it.
Yaz:Yeah, there's Matt Hussey. I like his stuff, I've watched his stuff and he was saying there's nothing more dangerous than an ex that reappears like keeps reappearing, because it's stopping you find. I don't know if he said this exact stuff, but this is what I took from it it stops you finding the next person because you waste so much time, you know, just on that wasted cause.
Ilmz:Yeah, and you're wasting energy so that you don't have energy to date again.
Yaz:Yeah, I feel like when you're um having a like, a no, I forgot what I was gonna say. It's gone. I feel like it's done. Anyway, I feel like we're done. Yeah, this is the closure. The closure is we're done with this episode. We're done with talking about closure.
Ilmz:We still love you.
Yaz:Yeah, and you don't need it, but we get it if you want it.
