The Break-Up Diet

We’ve Hit Rock Bottom – WTF Do We Do Now?

• Yasmin Misner and Ilma Shahrene • Season 1 • Episode 32

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Change hits differently when you're the one going through it. What starts as a casual catch-up between friends quickly transforms into a raw, unfiltered look at what happens when podcast hosts who talk about breakups suddenly find themselves living through their own relationship endings and career transitions.

This episode pulls back the curtain on our most vulnerable moments – from violent crying sessions to stress-induced physical symptoms (yes, breakup nausea is real). We share the coping mechanisms keeping us afloat: shower crying rituals, the therapeutic power of unsent text messages, and how structured journaling provides unexpected clarity when emotions feel overwhelming.

The timing couldn't be more symbolic. As spring cleaning season encourages external decluttering, we're experiencing internal cleanouts – shedding relationships and career paths that no longer serve us, despite the comfort of familiarity. There's a bittersweet symmetry in recognizing that sometimes the most painful decisions lead to the greatest growth.

What makes this conversation particularly powerful is the contrast between intellectual understanding and emotional reality. We know these changes are necessary and ultimately positive, yet our bodies rebel with physical manifestations of stress. It's a reminder that even the right decisions come with genuine grief that deserves processing.

Beyond the pain, we glimpse the liberation waiting on the other side – more authentic lives, reclaimed time, and the freedom to pursue long-deferred dreams without compromise. As we navigate toward "hot girl summer," we're learning that spring's upheaval might be precisely the catalyst needed for meaningful transformation.

Have you experienced a major life transition that initially felt devastating but ultimately led to something better? Connect with us and share your journey – we're all figuring this out together.

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Yaz:

So we have something very, very special to ask you, or a big favor. A big favor that we want you guys to do is basically could you please, wherever you're watching this, be it YouTube, spotify, apple podcasts, like anything could you please like follow us, subscribe whatever, because it really helps.

Ilmz:

We're a growing podcast, so every bit of support helps and we really appreciate it okay, I'm ready. Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the breakup diet. Normally, our episodes are either focused on guests who we all love, or we kind of talk about a theme or a phase in the breakup. Today we just want to mix it up a bit.

Yaz:

We just want to have a catch-up, to be honest yeah, a catch-up, because normally we've kind of thought about not necessarily what we're saying, but we've like had the topic of, like you know, what would someone feel like if they were getting slow, faded, or you know?

Ilmz:

yeah, we talk about different types of breakups, different phases of a breakup.

Yaz:

Yeah, I think we just need, like a friend to friend catch up, a friend to friend catch up, because we're both going through breakups, but on different, different things. I said that with a smile I'm actually very sad, so I don't know why I'm smiling. Buckle up bitches. This is gonna get bumpy. This is the breakup diet wtf is going on.

Ilmz:

I get that. The end of q1, I think, is such a phase for change yeah, I put it into chat gbt. And it said April and it said spring cleaning which is crazy, because we didn't no, we didn't do that so we were on theme, we really were and we're in touch. We really are in touch with everything and I just wanted to say, like there's a lot happening. Yeah, where do we begin? Like I'm going through a career crisis, slash career change I'm going through a breakup.

Yaz:

I got dumped, so there's like a lot of changes that's happening internally and we're trying to work at it together and then also film about breakups, which is kind of ironic because we're both like in crisis mode, we're in fight or flight. It was like ah, I'm like ah, and then I'm like, pull yourself together. We're like crumbling no, no, I think this is an exciting time. As we said before, we thought we were at the lowest already, but we hadn't got there yet.

Ilmz:

We actually we were foreshadowing ourselves, because it got a lot worse got a lot worse, but that means it's only going to get better, exactly I don't know why I'm so curious.

Yaz:

Probably because I've been crying the last three days, 100, I think.

Ilmz:

Like when the camera is on, we kind of switch into like this is work, so it's not like you're not like a bad person or a psycho. If you're not crying, you don't need to cry. I've already cried, I'm all cried out.

Yaz:

Yesterday was like my worst cry.

Ilmz:

Yesterday was my worst day, too Like violent to the point where I thought I was going to black out.

Yaz:

Oh God, Do you feel that? I was just sad? But I did take two days off work Good.

Yaz:

I said I need two days because I can't focus, like I'm looking at my laptop and I just feel empty, if I'm completely honest. And then I was like, even walking to the loo and I'll start crying, even getting a straw from the drawer crying. And then I was like why am I crying? Like my life actually hasn't changed that much. Like it's super sad, don't get me wrong. And I have a loss and I'm super upset and I feel like I don't come across like I'm upset right now but I'm so hurt. Fine, but my life hasn't changed that much.

Ilmz:

There's still like an adjustment that you're going through. Yeah, obviously, if you and I think that's what your body's responding to yeah, I was talking about it with my friend just before getting here, because he also quit his job to like chase a dream, fast forward, everything works out really well. But he does say that, even if you're mentally like saying, oh my gosh, this is the best decision, the first couple of months your body is going to release some stress.

Yaz:

Change is scary because it's the unknown. Your body is going to release some stress. Change is scary because it's the unknown and when you're not having a change, you're like in that familiar routine or that you know what to expect. It's all like you know you're doing this and it's going to get there. Maybe or you know what I mean You're on the straight and narrow, whereas the moment you change and you're doing something new, it's all like it could go wrong, but it also could go great, great and I think we should just focus on the fact that it will go great.

Ilmz:

Yeah, people who take massive risks, everything just works in their favor. And, honestly, back to relationships. After each breakup, I've become so much stronger, so much smarter and have been closer to my dream step by step.

Yaz:

How many more breakups do I need to have to reach the dream? Who knows? Hopefully not another one. It's pretty rough.

Ilmz:

It is so rough. But the thing is, after going through something so tough, you're just like screw this. I may as well live my life for myself and do what I want, because you know I can't really control anyone else's actions but myself.

Yaz:

Yeah, I think that's a really important thing. When you're going through a breakup, you are going to have explosions of wanting to be a bit manic. Try not to actually go manic at them because I think overall it works out better for you A hundred percent. But it's hard. That's so hard because you're so overwhelmed in the motion and you want to text them and be like you fucking dick it.

Ilmz:

but just don't do it, it don't do it worth it, so like when you're kind of experiencing a crash out, what should we do?

Yaz:

well, I get in the shower, which is such a weird thing. But like whenever this is like also whenever I'm sick or something, I always just like I'm in the shower. It's like such a weird thing. It's like cleansing the body, I'm like washing away the tears, and then I like get back into bed and probably cry and then I write my notes. App goes off. It's firing, like firing up. You know, the amount of messages I've written is like and not even they're not even mean, they're actually nice, but the amount of things that I've written is actually a joke.

Ilmz:

It's just a great way to release your anger and every other kind of emotion.

Yaz:

As opposed to texting them, yeah, you're better off just holding it in yourself, seeing the words that you're actually feeling and process it that way yeah, it doesn't even have to be angry, like I'm not actually angry, I'm upset and I'm hurt and I'm disappointed and I'm so sad, but I'm not angry. So, like my texts are a bit different, but also what I have been doing is texting them, but like these ones are a bit more mean, but these ones will go to my friends but you know that's better.

Ilmz:

That's a better way to deal with. At least you get the anger out and it's not going towards them, because that's just not worth it yeah, I may have done this, but I'm not going to say what brand I used.

Yaz:

Um, you have to. I don't know if you've seen it, but it's like relate your ex to a brand and then they're like this I did not use this one or I didn't use any of these. I had to like chat to EBT some ideas because I couldn't come up with any, actually, which is like the testament to my ex because I couldn't come up with any. So I was like shit, let me give me some. I need some. My ex is like mcdonald's, like you can go, you can get him at any time, like that type of thing. Or like they're like rough. Or like my ex is like a next fix account. Everybody uses it, but I'm the one paying. Oh, how rough is that? That?

Yaz:

they were really funny that is rough I think it's a podcast as well, but it's a clip from a podcast where these like girls are all talking about it, that people have like written in.

Ilmz:

Have you seen the ones where it's like dudes be named Phil, but they leave you empty. Dudes be named Christian, but they take you to hell?

Yaz:

Yeah, yeah, it's like that type of thing. Honestly, I actually weren't relating them to my situation, because I'm not angry, I'm not angry, I'm upset, so it's different. But they did make me laugh for other people's situations. I was like that's so rough.

Ilmz:

Sometimes a comedy can help your crash out yeah, what else have I been doing?

Yaz:

that's actually really helpful is I bought a book off Amazon. Let me get the book. I actually didn't get this book for my breakup.

Yaz:

I got this book before because obviously, research purposes yeah, and I thought like I want to know what's in it for, like maybe somebody else. But because I'm now on the diet, I have been using it and it's really cool. So it's called the breakup journal and you basically write down all like you write down the prompts that it tells you in it. So, like every day it gives you a different question, but then also a quote that someone said. So like day one, for example, why did the relationship end? And then the quote is tears are words that need to be written. So, like you don't, you're just saying why you think it ended. I guess like not, or you can say whatever you want, and then you write all on that page not saying what I wrote, um, and then day it gives you something else, like will you still be friends? Why or why not? So then you can just write whatever you want.

Yaz:

And then, obviously, you have a quote as well. I know my heart will never be the same, but I'm telling myself I'll be okay and it has, like Sarah Evans said, that that's really nice. Yeah, and then day three is what do you feel most about the future? I'll just run through a few of the days, like maybe like till six, and then I won't do the quotes, but you should get the book. And then it says day four is what will you miss about the relationship? Day five, what will you not miss about the relationship? Day six is were there any red flags? What were they? And day seven is how are you feeling today, mentally and physically? But it goes up to always a month. So, and it's not all to do with just like, just like the breakup, it's also to do with yourself. Like day 29 what will you never want to change about yourself?

Ilmz:

so yeah, applicable for a career breakup too yeah, so I think that's good.

Yaz:

You know what I mean. Like I think that even if I don't get to the very end, like I think every day doing something where you think about it, it kind of might help.

Ilmz:

Let go yeah, because you're kind of processing it a bit more clearer, you're forced to think a little bit more deeply than you would have without the journal. Yeah, and also like if you did it all in one day. You're just going to burn that and not get the best value out of it and you're not going to get the best.

Yaz:

I guess experience in deep diving about your breakup, yeah, but also my emotions switched so much like I'm quite calm now and like to be fair, I have been actually quite calm like the first. The first night wasn't calm, I was super upset, but if I had done six of these questions on the first night, it would be so much more different because I was riding off an emotion of being hurt.

Yaz:

Yeah, you know, whereas like having a perspective and sitting back and allowing the time to like which is painful, like mulling over different things in your head, then coming back and writing at individual points of things actually helps it definitely does.

Ilmz:

I could imagine what's another way to cope with change rather to do with the breakup or just in general, change in general, change in general, because we both are going through an end of something very different things, but it's still like a very big part of our lives career, relationship yeah, I don't know.

Yaz:

I feel like changes. It's scary and it's the unknown, as we said in the beginning, but it's also like you should enjoy the ride too it's a lot of different emotions because right now I feel very anxious.

Ilmz:

Yesterday cried a lot, today I am so tired I feel like my eyes are sunken in, but I just know that in the long run this is the best decision yeah you have an emotional hangover. I think that's what it is, and it's funny because we made this decision like six months ago. Yeah, we've known about this decision six months ago and even then it's still like oh my god this is.

Yaz:

This is relatable to a breakup. It doesn't matter. Even if you know you and somebody are gonna break up and you know they're not the right person, it doesn't mean that doesn't hurt, like, and that's something that, yeah, it's not really talked about either. If I was like breaking up and I like wasn't sure and I wasn't sure for a long time and I was like, you know, I knew this wasn't my person and all this sort of stuff, when I actually went to do it, it would still hurt.

Yaz:

A big decision can be so painful, even if it's the right thing it's almost maybe easier if it's like an impulse, yeah, like you quit your job and then you like, just because I don't know, someone yells at you or you break up because he cheated, like I don't know, you know, like it's almost easier change if it's done really fast.

Ilmz:

You don't have a long time to like, process everything, yeah think about all the different situations, yeah, but I think for me personally, it's for the best that I've taken my time with my decision oh, yeah, yeah because it's such a big decision to do the q word, if you get what I mean.

Ilmz:

It's been a lengthy process because I've had at the start, when I made this decision, where I just go back and forth, back and forth and then justify actually, you know, maybe I should just stick it out. You know why? Not, it's still money at the end of the day.

Yaz:

Yeah, it adds another level of stuff when it's like you're also there's money involved, because obviously, like that's hard, that's really hard to walk away from something when they like you're tied because you get this amount and then you're not going to get that amount it is hard, but then when I made the pros and cons list, like it was, just you can easily see physically that the pros outweigh the cons you're so much happier.

Ilmz:

You're going to be so much happier, I can tell because, like this past month, I've had it off and I've been so much happier, we've been so productive and it's been nice to have my time back. But I think this has to be like a permanent lifestyle change.

Yaz:

Yeah, you're starting your 30s in the right way.

Ilmz:

Yeah, exactly, I want to start it on my own terms. I want to work fully for myself and just be the superstar that I am.

Yaz:

You are, but you know what. It's also scary, but at the end of the day, if it doesn't work which it will work like, stuff will work right, but if it doesn't, you don't go back to being the same spot, which is the same as a breakup. You don't go back to being when you first started your job, trying to get in. And all this you have what? Eight years of experience, or however long, you are a much different candidate from then.

Ilmz:

That's actually so true, and I'll be like eligible to make way more money than I am now as well. So honestly, it's like nothing but good plus.

Yaz:

People actually admire and I think business people actually admire. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think business people actually admire. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think business people actually admire when you go out and you try to do something by yourself 100%, I think.

Ilmz:

Like every entrepreneur gets it. Everyone that's been successful. They've been delusional and they've been risk takers. I'm delusional now it's time for me to take the risk.

Ilmz:

And you're doing it, you're doing it exactly because every person that I've met, they have always just known from the get-go that they are stars, they're meant to do this and they don't settle. And it's really inspiring because a lot of my friends are like that. A lot of my friends, you know, left uni to do acting. They left their corporate job to be like a celebrity makeup artist. Like everyone's, achieved their dreams by taking that risk. And it's my time now and I can't wait to see who I am by the end of the year you have to take the risk, but you have to be willing to put in the work oh my god, that's the thing.

Yaz:

Like you, I think you're so ready now to do this same same with me. Even me, like talking about doing a podcast and actually doing it. I couldn't have done it three years before, when I wanted to start one. No, because you, I wasn't. I wasn't the same person. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to give what it takes to do it 100%.

Ilmz:

I think you need to go through like multiple career developments. You need to like kind of have a spurt in maturity, because there's a certain type of like headspace and frame of mind that you need to be to be able to really give yourself to the job.

Yaz:

Yeah To the work. Yeah, because then, if you are doing a change and you're not willing to do that, don't do the change.

Ilmz:

No, 100%. If you're not willing to graft and that even comes with a breakup if you're not willing to do the bit, to like self-help.

Yaz:

Yeah, like if you're not willing to do the bit, to like self-help. Yeah, like if you're not sure, don't change anything like 100, just don't just like hold for now, yeah either they'll do it or you'll be pushed into doing it yeah or you, then, when you're ready, you will, and then you won't regret it. A lot of people are scared to regret losing someone.

Ilmz:

Yeah, I completely agree. Like people are scared to lose their person, their job, their sources of comfort, which is totally fair enough, but if they are the wrong person, if they are the wrong job, when you're going through a loss because this is all like loss, right you don't?

Yaz:

it's hard to actually remember all the bad stuff you kind of clean. Your brain is actually so messed up that it clings on to all the good things.

Ilmz:

I'm harping on the money when I keep like needing to remind myself hey, this job has held me back from all these incredible opportunities. Yeah, I can't keep living life like this anymore. It's not fair to me. Yeah, change is imminent. Change is happening right now.

Yaz:

We did say in the spring cleaning episode the year technically starts from april yeah, I feel like with the spring cleaning episode, it's like been a catalyst for something. Yeah, I feel like we manifested this we did that.

Ilmz:

Photo shoot was like a form of manifestation.

Yaz:

Yeah, that fucking sucks for me, doesn't it?

Ilmz:

no, it's gonna be good.

Yaz:

It's gonna be good, I'm there's light at the end of the tunnel the tunnel might be long and far, but it's okay no, I think it's 100 worth it.

Ilmz:

But I am so excited to see you thrive and just be on another crazy journey with me together as, like, two single girls navigating London, navigating, like, the social media space, navigating the industry. There's gonna be a lot going on and the fact that we get to do it together we are so lucky. Like, I have so much to learn from you, you have so much to learn from me.

Yaz:

Like, also, I am really excited that I get to have more of you here, you want to go out there and you want to be with a person, especially like, if you don't see them that often, like me, I would make those that choice to do it because, like, I didn't know when I was going to see him next. But then I ultimately missed out on so many different things that I could have gone to that I could have not met somebody for like a relationship, but I mean met somebody made new friends, yeah, connections, yeah, that's what this is all about.

Ilmz:

You know what I mean. Yeah, so I'm really excited that you're gonna be in like one place. We're gonna be able to hang out way more, yeah, plan more, I mean hot girl. Summer's coming upon us. This could not have come at a better time.

Yaz:

Yes, yeah, it doesn't feel like a great time, but it will be, because at least it is true Just before summer.

Ilmz:

Babe, we would have been a dick if he broke up with you in October, because that's what my ex did and it was the worst Seasonal depression and then a fucking breakup. How much do you hate me? Yeah, at least wait for Christmas, wait after no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Yaz:

Give me a gift my birthday is in a week. Just remember that one oh my god.

Ilmz:

So we, I'm gonna keep my mouth shut for that one I'm gonna keep my mouth shut, too rude it's always during a big life event Divorce party, birthday Taylor's oldest time.

Yaz:

Yeah, if somebody was on your Netflix or your accounts, would you log them out? Yeah, you see I have a predicament, so Feel free to log out of my ITV and my Channel 4 because I can't log them out Apparently into the house, like I have to go to the actual device and log it out.

Ilmz:

Oh yeah, yeah, that makes sense. No, it doesn't because what if I'm so? Can you not log? I can't. Why do you change your password from the internet? It doesn't log them out. Oh, because, my friend, I use my friend's netflix and no but it's not netflix, it's, it's channel 4 and itv oh, I thought they were free, though, itv, I thought they come free.

Yaz:

No, no, no I know I pay for them. They're logged into my thing. I had to log in, oh my god I think I paid for them.

Yaz:

But I had to log in, like it's my account on his thing, so feel free to log out, yeah, otherwise I'm going to be watching what you're watching and then I'm going to be reporting if it's bad. Yeah. And if you start watching like Gossip Girl or something, I'm going to know there's another girl there and I'm going to go ham. So beware that I won't go ham, but like I might, who knows, let's see.

Ilmz:

Let's see. Change makes me crazy Change won't make you crazy. You're not going to crash out dude. No, You're not doing that, no.

Yaz:

I would have already crashed out if I was. I have been very sad. That's why I feel like today is the first day that I am still really sad, but I've actually just like accepted it.

Ilmz:

Oh yeah, same Like, except that the decision's been made, it's happening, it's happened and what's the point in being sad.

Yaz:

Exactly, it's not going to change anything. No, exactly.

Ilmz:

Baby steps and then we'll be on track for hot girl summer. Yeah, oh, summer will be great. Yas, I think we're both going to be so free and not be. We're not going to be held back anymore. My job's held me back so much you've had to be in two different places at once.

Yaz:

It's been hard for you to manage time, so you're gonna be so free now you know, what will change is I'll actually be able to go out and see people and do things, because I won't have to be managing two different lives at once.

Ilmz:

Yeah, that's actually exciting that's one exciting thing there are some positives there's, so there's way more positives and negatives. I mean I want to go that far. Like your time is going to be focused on stuff that like fully benefit you. You're going to be surrounded by people that are like your number one fans, me first. Like it's gonna be so good. I can't wait to just like get hot, take like cute pics. Hugo spritz the best hugo spritz I've had because you made them I am.

Yaz:

I am very good at hugo spritz. You're such a pro.

Ilmz:

Yes, I'm getting really excited, are you?

Yaz:

yes, I said it was so much enthusiasm because I could feel the wave, but it's okay because we're on the journey.

Ilmz:

We're on the journey together and we're gonna be so fine together and change isn't scary. I mean, it's a bit scary, but it's exciting as well change is just like opening up more opportunities that are gonna be more fulfilling to us. Yeah, and God knows we need it, yaz. We were praying for a miracle, and I think the miracle has spanned into this, but it'll be for the best, yeah.

Yaz:

It's good content for the breakup diet too. It's amazing content for the breakup diet.

Ilmz:

I mean we're actually living.

Yaz:

I'm actually living the diet. To be fair, this is pretty gross. So whether we keep this in or not is the first night when I first found out, which I think is shock. I vomited the whole night vomited but I've never had that before.

Ilmz:

fair, I've been having the worst sweats, the worst bloating of my life and I've been constipated because of the stress. Fair, it's just a lot. The stress really manifests into crazy stuff physically because mentally I'm like no, this change is important, Like everything that I've been saying in this episode. I mean from the bottom of my heart, but my body is going whack at it.

Yaz:

Yeah, it's because it's in fight or flight. I actually looked it up yesterday why you do like have a breakup diet and I was like why is that? Like, why does your body do that? There's like multiple different reasons, but like one of them is fight or flight, a change in emotion, like an extreme change in emotion loss, like you're grieving and that just suppresses it because you're overly stimulated about the sadness and the loss. And then there was one more, but I can't remember. So that's why you go through the break of diet, but it's good because it's just before summer, so I'm gonna be hacked for summer we're having a massive clear out, a massive purge.

Ilmz:

The spring cleaning is actually not over. We're really going into it. Ham, I do want to end the episode by saying happy birthday in advance. Yes, I know, it's in a few days time. Love you so much I might start crying now no, you're not.

Yaz:

There's no more, so much I'm so proud of you.

Ilmz:

The way you've carried yourself this year has been the most like, classiest, inspiring thing I've ever seen. I'm always at awe of you, like I literally feel like I know you're younger than me, but I want to be you when I grow up.

Yaz:

Oh, stop it, You're going to make me cry Inside out.

Ilmz:

So kind, so genuine. Everyone loves you, everyone's rooting for you. I'm like your biggest cheerleader, like I just can't wait for you to just thrive. This is going to be such an exciting year and I'm so happy that I get to be by you you're so good with words and you just stunned me and I wish I had some like.

Yaz:

I have so much nice stuff to say, but I can't say it like that.

Ilmz:

No, but it's your birthday.

Yaz:

This is about you I didn't say that on your birthday, that's okay. No, it's not, it's fine. Okay, I'm gonna get it back.

Ilmz:

I'm gonna get it back, just not right now because I've processed it. No, that was lovely to be by my side.

Yaz:

Yes, always, always love, you love you too, love you guys.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Ilma Shahrene

Co-host
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Yasmin Misner

Co-host