The Break-Up Diet

Red Flag or Just an Ick?

• Yasmin Misner and Ilma Shahrene • Season 1 • Episode 42

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Ever caught yourself cringing at a text delay, a privacy screen, or yet another 3-minute voice note? 👀 In this episode, we’re diving headfirst into the world of red flags, pink flags, and the infamous ick — decoding what they actually mean, and why your gut might be trying to tell you something.

We’re breaking down the difference between serious deal-breakers and petty turn-offs, exposing shady phone habits, and unpacking that weirdly common line: “You’re not like other girls” (ick, red flag, AND misogyny all in one?).

Plus, we’re asking: Is refusing therapy a red flag now? Are icks just your intuition saying “girl, run”? And why do modern relationships feel like we’re dating toddlers compared to our mums’ generation?

If you've ever second-guessed yourself after getting the ick or debated whether you're being too harsh, this one’s for you.

👉 Tap play, trust your gut, and follow The Break Up Diet — because some flags are waving for a reason.

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Yaz:

so welcome back to another episode of the breakout diet. Today I think we should talk about, you know, red flags, pink flags, x they're all kind of in it, do you think? I have a question for you. Do you think that x and red flags are kind of the same?

Ilmz:

oh, I don't know. Ick is very like subjective as opposed to red flags are quite objective. Do you think red flags are objective? Yeah, all the time. Yeah, I feel like there are some red flags that's going to be like red flags for everyone, as opposed to ick. That's like a very personal thing. You don't think people could have the same ick too?

Yaz:

We can have the same ick, but I think red flags are more prominent as opposed to x x.

Ilmz:

Very okay. So red flags are like worse than yeah, like for me, say an ick is like a piercing, that could be an ick for me, but not an ick for someone else. Okay, okay, yeah, I get you I get you.

Yaz:

So could an ick be kind of like a pink flag, because your pink flags like it's kind of like amber. You know what I mean like it's like. It's sometimes bad, sometimes not that bad for someone else. Pink is ick territory, red is extreme, red is we're getting out. Yeah, do you have any red flags that you want to tell me right now?

Ilmz:

my parcel.

Yaz:

Red flags yeah let's switch it up. We've been holding back way too much. Welcome to the breakup.

Ilmz:

Diet my red flags that I bring either that you've had, oh, you're gonna say like that's something that you should answer um red flags that I've seen just being like shifty on their phones. Yeah, that is like such an obvious red flag if they're talking shit about their mom or if they love their mom too much. Yeah, both yeah, both.

Yaz:

Yeah, I think the um, what is it?

Ilmz:

a red flag is like when they have a privacy screen do you think, yeah, I've got a privacy, I know, that's why I hesitated when I said it.

Yaz:

I think it's such a red flag. Why? Because why do you have a privacy screen?

Ilmz:

because I don't want people outside to see my stuff. Do you know how common it is like when you're texting someone and if someone sees they're going to like film it for like clout? That is such a common thing that I've seen on like pages like Shade Burrow and the Archbishop of Banterbury.

Yaz:

It's such a common thing, what are?

Ilmz:

you texting about?

Yaz:

I could be texting anything no one's looking at my phone because I'm fucking funny. Of course people would be like maybe I'm not funny that like no one's looking at mine thinking like, but you know off.

Ilmz:

That's the thing. I don't know people looking. I don't know if they are looking, so it's like a protection for me. Also, I'm on my phone at work.

Yaz:

I don't want people to see me posting on the breakup diet okay, fine, fine, fine, yours is maybe because you were like your job, but then I don't know if a boy has a privacy screen and I'm just thinking what other bitches are you texting? If I'm being honest, we could have a different opinion, but like that's what I'm thinking. I'm like why they have a privacy screen, like you're not protecting their data protecting their information.

Ilmz:

They could be literally like looking at a picture of their passport, uploading it, and someone sees their details like you can, we can disagree.

Yaz:

I get what you're saying, I get your point, but I still think it's a red flag. It's pink flag for you, it's a red flag for me, or it's not a flag for me at all, it's just like doesn't impact me. Yeah is it a red flag for you or a pink flag if they don't text you all the time, but then they'll hit you with like a four minute voice note it is a pink flag, but like I hate voice notes when they're that long, just type it to me.

Ilmz:

Yeah, I don't have time. Also, my attention span doesn't span for four minutes.

Yaz:

I can't, yeah. Yeah, I don't like a long voice note, but I do like a voice note.

Ilmz:

Yeah, I love a good 30 seconds, just tell me how it is.

Yaz:

Like, yeah, like hey, you buy this place, like I'm picking up this easy, but when it's like a four minute chitty, chatty like thing you're not listening to a podcast and if you are, you're listening to us exactly you know what I mean also.

Yaz:

Yeah, especially a voice note. If you're first dating someone, is quite intense and scary like they send you a voice note. They know that I've read, like listened to that too, which I don't like and then you feel like you have to reply straight away and you're thinking about all the questions or all the points that there's too many points on the voice note.

Ilmz:

It's like I'd rather wish it was a text site. Answer it properly for you.

Yaz:

Yeah, you could take your points, you could see it, whereas in a voice note you're almost going into your notes out jotting down. He talked about this at the start, so I have to mention this, then I have to mention this, then I have to mention this. Listening to it again and again, it actually turns into a 30-minute voice minute voice note. Oh, my god, it's annoying. I wouldn't say it's a red flag per se, I just think it's annoying. Yes, an ick, it's a massive ick. Like just don't if they always talk to their mom and call their mom, but like all the time.

Ilmz:

Ick, yeah, ick, pink flag.

Yaz:

Not red, not red entirely, but it is pinkish red yeah, it's like on the borderline of red because, because when you're in, you don't want them to be calling their mom more than you yeah, like I don't want him to tell his mom stuff about us as well which she obviously will, because if they're speaking all the time, they have nothing else to speak about besides like well, I'm sure they have other stuff to speak about, but like you would be coming, up.

Ilmz:

I would feel like a second best option and I can't have that. That's not a relationship for me. Yeah, or you're in a throuple. That is a, not a throuple. You want to be in guys, no? Or a red flag or a pink flag if he says he's not into labels. Let's just see where it goes red straight up red also.

Ilmz:

You know what you want, and if you don't know what you want, get to know be decisive but the thing is like if they saying they don't know what they want, they want your body, yeah or they don't.

Yaz:

They don't want you. That's what it is.

Ilmz:

Yeah, either they don't want you, or either they just want you for your body and that is just a red flag. Yeah that's not good enough no, kick him to the curb. Okay, red or pink if he's 33 and still figuring his life out red, red, but then also I think it's red.

Yaz:

But then do you think that people nowadays are less like mature than what they were?

Ilmz:

I kind of get that. I kind of get that like we are really like not as mature as the previous generations of like 20 year olds, 30 year olds.

Yaz:

Now we're like kind of infants for too long yeah, because even like I'm thinking about, even like my parents, like my mom, they had their shit together yeah, way before me, like she would have definitely had her shit together now and I still don't have my shit together like my mom, like my age, she's had like three kids by now.

Ilmz:

And here I am messaging her being like thank you so much for the easter egg yeah, so why did that is?

Yaz:

hang on, let's stop this for a sec.

Ilmz:

Subscribe and follow the breakup diet you don't want to miss another episode. So I we can't really afford to date and marry anymore because things are so expensive yeah, maybe, but I do, yeah, I get what you're saying.

Yaz:

Like I think it is a red flag because I'm like ew, like my head I feel like by 33, surely you'd have like some stuff together.

Ilmz:

You'd still have like at least your career in progression.

Yaz:

Yeah, I feel like there's a level of it maybe, but then also it's not that far away. So I'm like shit, like three, like for you, three years goes fast, like I'm thinking the last three years for me even. It's gone by so quickly yeah. Let's not justify why he's saying he doesn't have his shit together. He doesn't, so it's a red.

Ilmz:

Yeah, let's just leave it because you can have the potential to have your shit together and you're choosing not to red red red, okay.

Yaz:

Do you think it's a red flag or a pink flag if you've been dating for months but never met their friends?

Ilmz:

oh, I think it's a red flag. Why is he hiding you?

Yaz:

what if they don't have any friends?

Ilmz:

that's a red flag, because why do you not have any friends? But what if they, just like, are super busy with work? That's a red flag because why you're not able to balance everything all at once. I can, why can't you?

Yaz:

there we go. That's the end of that one. Red red, red, red, red red. No, go for ilma.

Ilmz:

If you have no friends, you're a loser and I'm not giving you any time it's an ick because, like, I went on one date where he said that he basically doesn't really have friends and I'm like, oh, that means that you're gonna latch up to me and you're gonna just expect me to be around 24-7 and I can't help that. I'm too busy. I'm too busy to pander to like a grown man in his 40s. No, Fair.

Yaz:

But what if you?

Ilmz:

oh, that's just not what life is about to me. Like there are bigger purposes for me than to be in some guy's pedestal.

Yaz:

Fuck that fair enough, there we go red, red or pink. He doesn't post you, but he's quite active on social media so he does post other stuff, but just not you well, red, like if they're posting already a lot of other stuff, then I'm like come on, especially like imagine if they like posted like a thirst trap before a boy, but then wouldn't post you, I would be so red that it the flag would be so red have you noticed?

Ilmz:

like men, when they're on like a boy's night out, their story is like a 36 part story, expanding on instagram and snapchat. But then when they're with a girl, it's like nothing. I haven't experienced that, oh, I've seen. Like my guy friends, when we're all like hanging that together it's like a whole movie, but then when they're like dating or like with like a girl or a guy, it's like nothing that is interesting.

Yaz:

Yeah, I've never seen that, but I wow you're just insightful that that, that yeah, they're like taking close-up pictures off their beer and stuff, but like when you're hanging that with a beautiful girl who's obviously objectively more beautiful than a bottle you know, on a good day, oh okay, yeah, so is it a red flag or green flag if, like a boy, says that you're so different and not like other girls, but like all the time, so like you're, you know you're hanging out and literally all the time he's like, oh my god, but you're just like, not like other girls is that a red flag?

Ilmz:

I think that's a red flag because he thinks that women aren't great. If you're telling me that I'm not like other girls, actually I am like every other girl I've met Is that a red flag? I think that's a red flag because he thinks that women aren't great. If you're telling me that I'm not like other girls, actually I am like every other girl I've met. I am like everyone that I've met. All in one, it's such an insult to like the girls around me to girls in general. It's disgusting, fair To me, it's like bordering on misogyny Actually.

Yaz:

No, it is misogyny actually it is misogyny fair good, because, to be fair, I've never said to a boy you're not like other boys I've never said that.

Ilmz:

No, I compliment them. I say like, oh my gosh, you're such a gentleman, but I don't need to put down an entire gender just to compliment you yeah, I get what you're saying.

Yaz:

It might be a nice thing if they said it like once or twice, but if they're saying it consistently, being like you're not like other girls and I'm like, you think I am like other girls also, I would think that you think I am like other girls, but you want to try to make me feel special, like why? Why are you trying to?

Ilmz:

like love, bomb me. Yeah, you know, there's like a different agenda. Another thing that I think is a red flag and it's not even a question. I get this when guys come out of the way to be like, oh, I'm not really into white girls, like the pale skin, and I'm like do you think that's gonna make me like you more?

Yaz:

that's so bizarre just in general, because, like, why would you feel the need to say that anyway? Do you think that's gonna make me like you think? No, that's so bizarre that you get that, but we're so confident with it as? Well like I think they're doing it to get like brownie points.

Ilmz:

To be like pick me Like I'm one of the good ones, like I'm all woke and yeah when people say that they only like a specific type.

Yaz:

Yeah, when they're like Merlene to brunettes. I'm like shut up. If a really hot blonde came up to you that had a banging personality, you wouldn't be like no, like you could prefer something just by on. Looks okay, fine, like I'll let you have. Don't make it your brand yeah, like I only date people with brunette hair or thing. I'm like, no, you don't, I could bet so much money on that you would date everyone that you're for the streets.

Ilmz:

That's why you're saying it yeah, to make it seem like as if we could be something exclusive, because I'm your type yeah.

Yaz:

Or like guys when they've like say the opposite. So like if they were talking to you they'd say they're in the like dark cabinet. Instead of talking to me they don't. They say they're like blonde hair. I'm like, oh, so what's the truth? Pick one, yeah, literally, and or just don't pick one at all yeah, leave us alone, like it's icky and a red flag too.

Yaz:

Do you believe in x like? Do you think they're a real thing? Because I was like this um clip that went viral on tiktok about how x don't exist and all this and it's like if you really like somebody, they're just not they're just not icky.

Ilmz:

Yeah, I actually kind of agree with that, yeah because if you really like somebody, there, there would be no ics.

Yaz:

Yeah, it'd be like a cute little quirk, yeah, and you'd like see past, and you might be like, oh, that's a bit weird, like whatever, who cares? If you don't really like them, you'll find the ic and you'll the ics will come to you yeah, it's like kind of like an intuitive sign.

Ilmz:

Yeah, it's your body telling you, yeah, 100 I already know your answer to this one. Let's hear it okay. He gets defensive when you bring up your boundaries oh, that's such a red flag, such a red flag. It's like why does it bother you that much that I want to be with someone that's clean, or like?

Yaz:

you know, that's like an example. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fair, I just don't like defensive that much.

Ilmz:

Why are you being so defensive? Are you that boundary like if I'm saying I'm not into creepy guys? Are you a creep?

Yaz:

then, yeah, yeah, if I said I needed something and like I don't want you to do something, like you should respect it and don't get defensive, because if you're getting defensive are you doing something shady too. Like you know what I mean if I said that like my boundary was that you don't go out with this one girl because you used to have a thing with them, and then there's history, yeah yeah, and then you're, even if you run into her, but you're staying in an active place with her.

Yaz:

That's a boundary and if you get defensive, about it.

Ilmz:

There's shadiness all over, and to me that's a red flag, not even an ick, it's just like unexcusable behavior.

Yaz:

Red flag yeah, is it a red flag for you? If they're really into like star signs, but they kind of use it in a way of being like justifying actions. They didn't turn up for you in this point when you needed them, because the libra moon is rising, yeah, that type of thing 100 a red flag because you're using something to manipulate the situation, your behavior.

Ilmz:

Yeah, you know what I mean. I think it's very manipulative to use astrology as excusing your bad behavior. Yeah, I've got one. He tells you that he's too sensitive when you bring up something serious that is.

Yaz:

I mean, it's a red flag, but then also maybe it could be pink yeah, it depends on the context.

Yaz:

Yeah, like, if they're like, if they're being an avoidant red flag, yeah, but then also there are like topics that are serious sometimes and it's a bit touchy, yeah, and also like especially depends on how fresh there it is. You know what I mean. It's like I touchy, yeah, and also like especially depends on how fresh there it is. You know what I mean? It's like I feel like that one can be pink purely because sometimes there is a bit of an allowance on really serious topics. But if it's like something that isn't that deep but they're getting really sensitive and like defensive about it, I'm like, ew, what are you hiding? Yeah, it's always. What are you hiding?

Yaz:

yeah, that's what I get from defensive behavior yeah, I feel like most people get that from defensive behavior, don't they?

Ilmz:

It's like there's something there, something you're not telling me. What is it?

Yaz:

Is it an ick or like a red flag, so kind of? We've kind of turned this into ick, red flag or pink flag Three options.

Yaz:

Yeah, pink flag. When you start dating someone, if they like kind of text you and then they don't text you for ages to like the end of the day, you know what I mean. So like they they text you in the morning like good morning, you reply, like you know, just because when you see it or whatever, like 20 minutes later you reply and then they'd wait again till like the whole day, even though you know that they've had like a lunch break. You know they've had like time to even say I'm good, thank you, just a while. What do you like?

Ilmz:

I know like texting back is such a quick thing. I don't get when people like I'm such a bad texter.

Yaz:

You're on your phone, dude I don't get it either, like I get it when you get overwhelmed, or like if you're really busy with work or having stress.

Ilmz:

Oh, if you're not on your phone physically. Yeah, I'm editing 24 7, so I'm on my phone and I like reply immediately yeah, yeah, if I'm not replying.

Yaz:

It's literally, because I'm like I'm not replying, it's literally because I'm like, I'm in the towel like in the shower or something, yeah, I'm eating, yeah, okay, if you're at somebody's birthday or something, yeah. Or if I'm filming, yeah, but that's like max an hour, like I'm sorry, but an hour, and then you could even send like a thing of being like hey, I've just got sorry, I'm busy, I'm out yeah I'll talk to you later.

Ilmz:

I don't get it when people say they're bad texters. You're not, especially when I see you on your phone all the time.

Yaz:

Yeah, that to me.

Ilmz:

That annoys me a lot when you're on TikTok or you're on Instagram or you're on your phone Because I see some of my girlfriends are the worst texters but they're always on their too and I see their phones and it's like all these fucking notifications on my babe, do you not want to like clear it?

Yaz:

you know, yeah, yeah, but the red, yeah. When there's like 40 000 emails or something and I'm like dude, like oh, I have the email, so I have the emails, but I don't have any others, like there's no notifications on any of like my tags for the emails, because I have like three emails or four emails and like they're like subscription things. It's not even, oh okay yeah, like my, my email for work and stuff like that. They're all clear.

Yaz:

It's like the ones, my, like junk one email that I like all pops up yeah, yeah, and if they're like job text to them, they probably reply very fast yeah, yeah priorities exactly.

Ilmz:

Sorry, I don't bring in money, but I bring a bang in personality yeah, and we might bring in money at one point.

Yaz:

The lucky husband who knows, yeah we might this is obviously a red flag already, but like if you're the one who always has to initiate hanging out oh, such a red flag.

Ilmz:

It is also icky because it's like why you're not being a gentleman and doing something yeah, for me, yeah, I actually saw this thing as well.

Yaz:

This is also me being on tiktok, jesus, I love watch so much stuff. But, like this guy was saying, it's really hard to be a man at the moment, in our age brackets, because women have been pushed so much into like doing the best careers, like being like not forgotten about as such and being like able to, you know, succeed, and they're not needing men. And then there's a lot of men that aren't employed anymore. They're just like not knowing what to do because they don't really have a purpose. So it's actually a lot of men are thinking it's like really hard to be a man nowadays because women are, you know, overachieving in comparison to what they used to be. So then they're feeling a bit like neglected.

Ilmz:

Excel with us, excel with the women? Like there's this all sounds like excuses after excuses. There's still jobs out there. I'm sorry it's just bombs defending themselves of being bombs. I'm sorry there's no educated woman that's going to want to be with the bomb. Like get a job, chase your ambitions.

Yaz:

like yeah, yeah, I get. I get what you're saying, but then I also must be like there is. We have to admit that there is a lot of pressure on being a boy too.

Ilmz:

Oh yeah, 100. There's pressures on both ends.

Yaz:

Yeah, there's pressures on both ends, but I also think that there definitely is still more on men to be like yeah, the man, you know what I mean even the provider and everything like that.

Ilmz:

I get it. It's hard, but equally like. This is the system that men have created. Yeah, do do it just work. If we are like pulling up our boots and working non-stop, why can't men fine red?

Yaz:

flag? Is it a red flag or a pink flag or an ick if they say that they don't do therapy because they just want to deal with their own stuff alone? And they won't do it. What are?

Ilmz:

you doing to deal with it honey? Yeah, I think it's such an ick. Or they don't believe in it maybe. Oh, that's a red flag. I think therapy is like gym everyone needs it.

Yaz:

I think to not believe in it is is such a red flag yeah therapy is the best thing ever changed my life for good yeah, and also it just helps to, like you know, talk to somebody that isn't.

Ilmz:

And also it just helps to, like you know, talk to somebody that isn't like in your circle, Having a third party person tell you something that is probably obvious to you and your friends. It's just nicer to get that validated. Being like oh shit, like actually yeah, yeah.

Yaz:

And then they're just like. You can make a clear decision and be like, okay, no, they don't know them. That's not okay. They're not biased in some way yeah or just telling me what I want to hear because I'm my friend. Yeah, I feel like that's a hard thing with like friends when you give advice, it's gonna be a bit biased, yeah and also, like your friend wants the best for you, but then also sometimes, if you're not ready to hear it, or if you, I don't know, I think it's hard to give advice.

Ilmz:

I think with therapy it's like when you know you're you're there to hear it.

Yaz:

Anyone that like bags on therapy I can't trust them yeah and mentally like stunted as well yeah, especially nowadays as, it being so much more common than it used to be, it's so accessible now as well. Like there's online therapy, you don't even have to leave your house yeah, yeah, literally have a, literally, have a Zoom call or whatever, and then it's like easy.

Ilmz:

So easy. It's the best thing ever. Otherwise, let's chat. Gpt, use her as your therapist.

Yaz:

Yeah, literally. Anyway, well, thanks guys for listening to our red flags and pink flags and X.

Ilmz:

And all the wonderful colors in between. We hope you've learned something. I know I have. Yeah, thank you.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Ilma Shahrene

Co-host
Head Shot

Yasmin Misner

Co-host