The Break-Up Diet

Stop Overthinking and Trust Your Gut

• Yasmin Misner and Ilma Shahrene • Season 1 • Episode 45

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Have you ever noticed your body reacting strangely during a relationship that wasn't quite right? Those mysterious health issues might not be coincidental.

We dive into the fascinating ways our bodies communicate relationship incompatibility before our minds catch up. From stress rashes and digestive problems to hair loss and constant illness, these physical reactions are powerful signals worth paying attention to. Most intriguingly, these symptoms often vanish immediately after a breakup, leading to the well-documented "post-breakup glow" that friends notice before you do.

Your nervous system knows the score. That constant state of fight-or-flight, feeling overwhelmed by everyday tasks, and persistent anxiety might be your body's way of saying something isn't right. We explore how to distinguish between normal health fluctuations and genuine relationship warning signs, and why patterns matter more than isolated incidents.

Dreams also offer fascinating insights into relationship struggles. Those vivid, sometimes bizarre scenarios might be your subconscious processing emotional truths you haven't yet acknowledged while awake. By learning to interpret these physical and mental signals, you gain valuable information about your relationship's health.

While nobody should end a relationship based solely on physical symptoms, these signs should absolutely factor into your broader assessment of compatibility. Being honest with yourself about what your body is telling you might lead to difficult decisions, but prioritizing your wellbeing is never wrong. And remember - sometimes taking that brave step to end an unhealthy relationship can lead to unexpected healing, growth, and even reconnection from a healthier place down the road.

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Yaz:

Hey guys, welcome back to another episode on the Breakup Diet. Today I think we should talk about when you feel something's wrong. So like your gut, because there will be signs, and whether you take them or not is a different story. But like your body will tell you and when you leave the relationship you're like oh my God, let's switch it up. We've been holding back way too much. Welcome to the breakup diet have you had that?

Ilmz:

oh my god, I think I've only gotten prettier after each breakups, each relationship drains me of my beauty and of my energy. After that I'm like, oh my god, like my tmi, my bowels are working again, I don't have stress hives anymore, and yeah, oh I can. The list goes ages and ages. But the thing is, these kind of gut feelings were always so dismissive of it.

Yaz:

yeah, people don't like like to think about it. They're like, oh no, it's because I ate pasta this day, or oh no, it's because I laid in the sun. I have this rash Like there's always like an excuse for it, I feel, and you don't.

Ilmz:

a lot of the time you don't link it back to your nervous system being in overdrive 100% and I promise you your nervous system will give you signs in more ways than one, like my health each time I was in a relationship like utis constipation, bloating, frazzled hair, patchy skin I've heard the uti one before.

Yaz:

I've never had that, but like I've heard that, it's because he didn't wash his dick wash yourself. Hygiene, mistergiene, mister, Like hygiene. Now, if I had a friend that said that to me, I would be like I would say something. It's just that your body's obviously don't.

Ilmz:

It's not rejecting, I mean, it's your body's basically rejecting the other person. Yeah, that's wild, that one.

Yaz:

Take that seriously, girl, I feel like with all signs though, you can't just take one, you have to like, it has to be consistently, I think. Oh, a hundred percent. Like you can't be, like having a headache when you're seeing your boyfriend and being like that's because we're not meant to be together, like you can't. But if there's a pattern, look into it. Yeah, a very common one is, like, when your stomach hurts, like you get stomach pain whenever you go up and see them, or you notice that like, for example, you can't go to the bathroom or something like that.

Ilmz:

Like that one of those is, like, that's a very common one, I feel yeah, that is like an obvious sign that your body is in like high stress. It's manifesting it in really different, weird ways yeah, one of the ones that I like.

Yaz:

Now look back on what I had is I was in constant like fight or flight. I felt like, but I didn't know why, like I was constantly overwhelmed like with everything on a day-to-day basis.

Yaz:

So true, I remember this yeah like I wasn't in a relationship where it was like bad I'm not I'm not going to say that it was like he didn't do anything or say anything necessarily bad, but like because my nervous system was obviously so like trying to tell me something and so much overdrive. I was so anxious like all the time, like to the point of like I was just so overwhelmed by like day-to-day things, like if I knew I had to film an episode and like this sounds so stupid now and make time to go for the gym and take the dog for a walk, like because I knew that I had all these plans set in, and then maybe go for drinks with my friend or something. I would like actually freak out and end up just not leaving the house.

Ilmz:

Oh my god, I remember this all too well. I forgot, like you haven't had this in ages, and I wonder why no? But like now looking back, like back, like I'm like okay, that obviously was my body like telling you something.

Yaz:

Yeah, my whole, my whole demeanor was different. Oh, 100% and it's not. And this isn't like shade or anything, it's just like my actual internal.

Yaz:

I was obviously like internally trying to tell me something you were processing the relationship in a very different way, and your bodies were just sending you signs yeah, but it's crazy also now because now I'm obviously not in a relationship or anything like I've had people say to me like it's so crazy that you're sad or that you were sad because when I saw you after you were glowing, and that's no shade towards the person, it's just more that like obviously it wasn't working and it had run its course.

Yaz:

And then the moment that I like accepted it, my body was like you would think it'd be the opposite, cause obviously you feel like shit and you're sad and you're crying and you're la la la, that you would think that it would be the opposite. I've had it like four times that like different people have said it to me without me saying anything is crazy, because when we first started dating and like I had it the other way, like when we first started dating, they're like, oh my god, you're glowing, like you look so happy I was, like I am yeah, I was yeah yeah, and it's just funny how you kind of get that when you first start a relationship and then, if it's not working, for whatever reason, and it's time to stop you get it at the end and then it comes back again after the breakup.

Ilmz:

It's really interesting how that happens, yeah, because I feel like you think like your glow and your spark is so bright at the start of the relationship is 10 times better after. Yeah, it's crazy how your body manages relationships and stuff externally yeah, and I had that also.

Yaz:

I was looking on tiktok about signs, because obviously we're doing research into different things of like what people can relate to.

Ilmz:

People's hair is a big one oh yeah, my hair loss was at its worst when I was in relationships like chunks would fall out I've had, not that I don't think my hair's grown anymore, but like I've had people be like your hair looks really good.

Yaz:

I'm like, yes, glossy, yeah, from the inner glow.

Ilmz:

Yes, it is crazy, like when you're with the person that's not compatible or right for you. Your body will tell you signs and it really is up to you to recognize them and do something about it.

Yaz:

Hang on, let's stop this for a sec subscribe and follow the breakup diet you don't want to miss another episode okay, how do you know what is actually like a sign and what's something that maybe you're insecure about you know, because, like I feel like that could be confusing for people. Like sometimes you're like, oh, my stomach really hurts, but like I'm insecure about you know what I mean. Like not you projecting your own insecurities and taking that as a sign. How do you like make sure that it's not? That's a?

Ilmz:

really complex one. I can't lie. I feel like my insecurities in relationships would stem because of the partner.

Yaz:

They would say something really mean and that would just brew and brew, and I guess my body would react eventually this might be like a bit like touchy, but say they were said something about I don't know your hair okay, and you, like you obviously have very nice hair and everything but say you were insecure about your hair. How do you not know that, like you, losing hair after was because of a sign, and say your sign was that you were losing hair and your hair wasn't looking good and all this maybe what he said?

Ilmz:

like put my body into so much stress and override like overdrive that I reacted that way.

Yaz:

Okay, it's very like it's hard yeah, it's hard to know whether you have to be very honest. I feel like I think so too you have to also with signs and like your body reacting in a specific way, like you have to also be realistic about it and be like, okay, that might have just been the flu. I also was so sick all the time. How many times did I?

Ilmz:

get sick yeah, they mess up your immune system if they're not right for you yeah it's nuts.

Yaz:

There are signs now looking back that you can align with, but when you're in it it's actually really hard to be like it's so hard to put two and two together, because with my divorce I had the worst stress thrash.

Ilmz:

I've never seen a stress thrash before in my life. I didn't even know what it was. It would just like come out of nowhere, even though I'd be like, oh, I'm actually having a really good day. It's hard because, like mentally, you may be thinking one thing, physically, your body's telling you a completely different story.

Ilmz:

Yeah, I've talked about it with my therapist and then she's basically saying that maybe you haven't really like dug deep enough into what you're going through and I'm like, oh my god, okay, let's go through all this issue one more time, wind it back, genuinely, like let's revisit it. Okay, there's a new layer of uncovered. Okay, hopefully I won't react like this anymore. Have you ever had a stress rash since um? Like yes, yeah, yes, but I think, yeah, it was because I was moving flats, okay, fair yeah, that is also very stressful yeah, yeah, yeah also your body.

Yaz:

Like people have different reactions to stress, obviously too. Like I don't get necessarily rashes, I don't think mine's more, I just get very, very overwhelmed in like mundane things.

Ilmz:

I think that's the thing about gut feelings. They're very unique to you, and the reason why sometimes we can be so dismissive about our gut feelings is because we're like, oh, but it hasn't happened to this person and they went through the exact same thing that I've gone through, like our breakups were exactly the same, but she didn't go through that.

Yaz:

Yeah, yeah, and I also were exactly the same, but she didn't go through that. Yeah, yeah, and I also think it's hard because it's not necessarily talked about as much, like the way that your body reacts, like, whereas, like people can talk about a situation and like the actions of a situation, but like a feeling, like feelings and like they can talk about the mental element, like we always talk about.

Ilmz:

Or you get a bit depressed after a breakup, you cry and stuff. But the excess stuff, the physical stuff, yeah, I definitely think that you need to like sit down and acknowledge it and hold each unique situation to itself, as opposed to comparing it with other people also.

Yaz:

Another point I want to make is that just because you had some reaction one time, I don't necessarily think means you're gonna have the same reaction the next time. Like the next time, maybe there might be some things that are the same, but your body might react in a different way.

Yaz:

So it's also really hard to tell, because it's just so unique and complex, but yeah, honestly, you just have to be honest about it and if there's, I don't think you can have a breakup just purely on your feeling, like your emotion, not your emotional, your physical reaction to it. I feel like you have to piece the puzzle together and you have to like actually stuff that Actually like if you're not feeling?

Yaz:

good, yeah, I was going to say like, if you're not feeling, good leave, yeah, but then it's hard to not blame it on something else, being like oh, it's winter so I'm getting loads of colds. Oh, I've always got a headache when I'm around him because he he's giving me a headache. But like it's not actually, you know what I mean.

Ilmz:

Like yeah, I think, yeah, that's when, like I guess, possibly for me that's when therapy came into play and that's made me, like, be more assertive with whatever I'm going through. So with my second breakup, I knew there was something coming my way. I knew he was going to break up with me, because my gut was telling me, like my instincts were telling me. And I told my therapist. I was like, okay, his behavior has completely changed. My body's reacting some type of way. I've got really bad stomach cramps every time I see him. Now, what do you think it is? And she's like I think you know exactly what it is, can you say it? And I'm like I think the relationship over. She's like, yeah, that's what your body's telling you I had that with um, my breakup actually.

Yaz:

so when I was going through my breakup before like I'm talking, like 20 minutes before I said it, I said it to my friend. I was like I feel like he's coming to break up with me. I don't know why, and I just said it.

Ilmz:

A woman's intuition is so flippant powerful. We need to like. We need to actually listen to ourselves.

Yaz:

But the thing is, that's not the first time. I had said it too, so I kind of already had that thought, which is also another thing, like if you're even having that thought, then surely something is going to go wrong a bit too.

Ilmz:

Yeah, because if you're with the right person, you would never have thoughts like this.

Yaz:

Yeah, like I just thought, I don't know, I just had a feeling and then it happened and I was like, oh, and also, you know, what we should talk about is dreams like having dreams of not necessarily like them breaking up with you or you breaking up with them, but you can have dreams about random, weird stuff that's like so vivid and I think that's like your subconscious obviously telling you, like trying to tell you something.

Ilmz:

I would have really bizarre nightmares where my ex would leave me at the shops and I'd be like come back, come back, come back. And I just like wake up like my back all sweating. I'm like what the hell?

Yaz:

yeah, I wonder. I actually would love to know what dreams really mean, because you know, you always have these things of like what happened? Like I had a dream which is, like I've never cheated and I will never cheat, like it's just for me I mean I can. I can't say that. Actually, to be fair, you can't say you're never going to do something until you're in a situation because, like that is something also that I've learned when I've got older. I don't like cheating at all and like for me, at this moment in time I would say I would never do it. But as I've got older, you realize that people do things a certain way because it's they, and they're not necessarily bad people.

Yaz:

They're not like they're not doing it. Yeah, you know what I mean. Like I think there's so much depth to things and people like make it so black or white all the time, whereas, like just because you treat you're a bad person doesn't necessarily necessarily mean you're a bad person. Like there't necessarily mean you're a bad person. Like there's so many more things that go into that. Like maybe not all the time, like maybe not if you're like a horny boy, that's like I don't know, like just not a good egg, but I feel like a lot of the time there's layers to a lot of people's actions.

Ilmz:

We can't really judge too quick.

Yaz:

Yeah, I feel judge too quick. Yeah, I feel like with people in general nowadays they're very like quick to respond to things and quick to be like like oh, once a cheater, always a cheater.

Ilmz:

Well, actually they could go to therapy.

Yaz:

They could, you know, fix the root of the issue like I mean, I feel like a lot of the time that is true when you do cheat, but then also.

Yaz:

But then also if they want to change and want to do better, really you can exactly like it's a choice a hundred percent, a hundred percent, and I get like there's different situations where, like, it's more difficult to make the right choice, like under the influence of, like alcohol and all this sort of stuff, like those all cloud people's judgments, so like then there's also that layer too, it's just a very complex, isn't it?

Yaz:

yeah, but yeah, I would have dreams of like I don't know, like someone cheating, which is wild, like, and I was like the. I was like that's so weird because why would I ever have that dream? Because I would never cheat and I don't believe he would ever cheat you know what I? Mean, yeah, but maybe it was just like. Maybe, because I have such strong feelings on it, it was my like body subconsciously telling me like you need to get out or like it's gonna end yeah, I agree.

Ilmz:

Humans are such intelligent people like our intuition.

Yaz:

Yeah, like what do you think about when people say about butterflies, when you first meet someone and all this sort of thing. What's your feelings on that? Like an actual butterfly. No, like you get butterflies in your stomach, like you're like you're nervous because I don't know, because everybody is the butterflies.

Ilmz:

Are you nervous?

Yaz:

yeah, but everybody says like online, that that's like a tale of being like bad?

Ilmz:

yeah, it could be.

Yaz:

Or your body's prepping for it to be really chaotic, yeah, but I don't I don't know if I agree why because before, because I didn't go on dates with that many people or, um, like, because I was like nervous around boys that I would always get nervous around boys it could be that, like the first dates, I'd feel like butterflies, but it's literally because I don't know this person.

Ilmz:

My body's telling me to like calm down.

Yaz:

I think that's what it is yeah, and also, especially if you haven't been on a date in a while and then you go on one and it's the first person since, like, you're gonna be a bit like, oh, I hope he likes me, like, oh, I, I hope it goes well, I hope it isn't awkward, like I feel. Like then surely that could be the butterflies too.

Yaz:

Yeah, I think maybe it's just nerves and not butterflies yeah, yeah, I feel like you can make it make sense after if, if you wanted to. But I'm like is it or is it just like? Yeah, I just don't think these butterflies exist. Yeah, you've never had butterflies on a date.

Ilmz:

Yeah, but it's just like nerves because it's like I'm meeting a new person for the first time ever. Yeah, I don't know this person.

Yaz:

It's like my body kind of keeping me guard, yeah, yeah it is funny about having like a glow and stuff, isn't it? I always find that so interesting how people kind of can feel it around you.

Ilmz:

I feel like I'm quite different now yeah, a hundred percent, a hundred percent, and that's just like.

Yaz:

That's obviously because internally I was having different thoughts and like I, like I was trying to figure stuff out.

Ilmz:

You carry yourself a lot more differently when you're in a relationship. That's not it for you, compared to you being single and at peace with your reality. Yeah.

Yaz:

Yeah. Yeah, it's so weird, though. Like it's weird how you think that you can go through stuff like by yourself and like be figuring it out by yourself and kind of projecting that you're okay, but then people that are really close to you or, a lot of the time, they see the cracks. I think that's so interesting, without even saying anything. I agree, like that's wild. Yeah, also like the aura that people give off as well, which is useful when you're going into dating later, for example, when you go into dating later, like you want to be open and you want to meet people and you want to be like, yeah, nice, you have to learn how to control that, I think. Control the aura. Yeah, I want to be able to control my aura, fair, you know. Like I want to be able to like make sure that when I go into a room that I'm giving off good vibes all the time.

Ilmz:

Yes, I agree, no matter, no matter what I'm going through internally, I agree, I agree, it's like a superpower skill to have.

Yaz:

Yeah, it does feel like a superpower, doesn't it? It's like force field.

Ilmz:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's crazy. Like the way the human body works is so fascinating and when you add, like a layer of relationships relationships, it's even more fascinating.

Yaz:

Yeah, and also like energies have you heard about? Like, yes, apparently when you go into a room you're meant to which I've never done, but this, I saw this you're meant to like walk in and pretend you're like like talking to each corner of the room and like bringing it in because that will make people gravitate towards you. I sound so psycho, but like no, that's really fascinating. Yeah, and I was like I like I just remembered that now and I was like I'm going to do that. Yeah, see if I get lots of people flop to me Of course, Like the second, you're approachable.

Ilmz:

people will approach you.

Yaz:

Yeah, this is also like another energy thing. We're going into energies, but I love it, yeah, it's interesting it's all linked though. Yeah, it's all linked is when you think about someone and then you run into them.

Ilmz:

What is that?

Yaz:

Because you know when you're going through a breakup, okay, right in the first stages, probably a lot of the time you want to run into them and you're thinking about them all the time, but then you don't run into them and then you might like months, years later down the line. You have a thought that day and you're like, oh, I wonder how he is and then, bang, that night you run into them.

Ilmz:

It's crazy how the world works, is that not so weird, so weird. I was at an event a few weeks ago and I'm like I just have a feeling my ex is here. I didn't see him, but then, like the next day, my friend like sent me a screenshot, being like oh babe, he was there. And I'm like that is crazy. It's actually gave me goosebumps, right, because I legit I'm like guys, I just know he's here, like oh, my god, I'm, I'm getting like goosebumps.

Yaz:

Yeah, yeah, interesting, right, like god tells you everything, but then you can just have times where it doesn't. It's just like you trying to manifest it, or something yeah, that could be it.

Ilmz:

That could be it, but sometimes when it gets a riot, it gets it so flipping right you've got to be prepared at all times.

Yaz:

Yep, because you know what when you're literally like ready to karate chop someone like you want to be looking hot. That is my aim whenever I'm 100.

Ilmz:

I want to be looking good, yeah, but knowing my luck, I know it'll be when I'm in like my house clothes with like this crumbled up tesco bag yeah, my doing my food run.

Yaz:

Yeah, this is like me. Whenever I'm like walk the dog just don't look good, right, and then I'm like walking and I see the hottest people and I'm like why? And then any, anytime I'm like looking like, feeling like good, I don't see anyone. I'm like it's like tumbleweed across the road. But that's a universe, for you. Didn't want me to meet them at the time. Yeah, that could be it.

Yaz:

That could be the universe like maybe not today, or maybe they like maybe the next time I'm looking rough and somebody hits on me which wouldn't happen, but if they did, then it would be like the universe saying they'd even love you at your worst.

Ilmz:

Oh see, Isn't the world such a magical place.

Yaz:

I mean this hasn't happened, but this is what I've got to go, but it could how could it not, it could, it could happen. Be receptive to it and then in our wedding speech it could be said like oh, I saw her and I thought she was still beautiful.

Ilmz:

And I would know he would know that's really sweet crazy person over here. No, no, no, it's really sweet because, um, it's just nice to have such positive thoughts about it.

Yaz:

You got to be open to like nice stuff like that yeah, and if you're going through a breakup and you have a feeling, or if you're not feeling good and it's not even necessarily you have to have like a massive physical reaction, like yeah, like your liver doesn't need to shut down or anything. No, no, no yeah, like some people do have big reactions, but then some people just have like anxiety, or you know what I mean.

Ilmz:

Like amplified anxiety or just yeah, what would you do?

Yaz:

I say, talk to someone and talk to a good friend as well, and be like this is what's happening.

Ilmz:

Even just to like get a bit of it off your chest I agree, I agree, but the main thing that we've been saying is to be honest with yourself. Sometimes the answer is really painfully obvious. As much as you want to deny it, if it's not right for you, it's just not right for you and you don't want to.

Ilmz:

You don't want to jeopardize your health yeah, yeah, it's hard, though it's really, really hard and it's super complex and there's so much thoughts you gotta like think about, but ultimately you gotta put yourself first, your health first, your well-being first.

Yaz:

You're not a bad person for doing that yeah, and also, if you, if you do end up breaking up, that doesn't necessarily mean that that's the end either. You could even I mean I don't necessarily condone going on a break, but like, I mean, it's for some people it works. Yeah, some people it works. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it too with like friends of friends, and like they broke up for like a while. They broke up for like, I think, like a year or something, because they were together a long time and just like, for some reason, wasn't working anymore. They broke up and then they got back together another marriage, see, like, and they're like the happiest they could have ever been, because they both like it wasn't because they both took time apart to sort themselves out, which I think is the best thing you can do.

Yaz:

Yeah, so it doesn't necessarily always mean like.

Ilmz:

It's the end or it's over. Yeah, obviously we're not trying to sell you like false hopes or anything. You've got to be honest and realistic with what's happening to your situation. Yeah, but we've heard of stories.

Yaz:

Yeah, and if you get back together, you get back together, if you don't, you don't. You know you've got to make the decision for you right now, the present, because that's another thing.

Ilmz:

Like people always hold on to relationships because of the future, like this is a what if?

Yaz:

yeah, what am I giving up too quickly? Yeah, and the like potential of like, yeah, but there's so many qualities whereas, like you actually have to be present with yourself at the moment. I agree, so that's how we're gonna end, because you need to just be honest, yeah be honest with yourself.

Ilmz:

Acknowledge everything you got.

Yaz:

This you'll be okay you.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Ilma Shahrene

Co-host
Head Shot

Yasmin Misner

Co-host