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The Break-Up Diet
Welcome to The Break Up Diet—your weekly dose of self-improvement, glow-ups, and everything breakups (yes, not just the romantic ones). Hosted by Yasmin and Ilma, we’re your no-BS besties here to guide you through every type of breakup—whether it’s from a person, a toxic cycle, or even your old self.
We’re flipping the breakup narrative.
No more heartbreak—just transformation. No more setbacks—only glow-ups. Breakups are the ultimate opportunity to level up, and we’re here to help you do exactly that. Whether it's navigating friendships, situationships, or even kicking bad habits (we see you, vaping!), we’ve got the raw, real talk to help you rebuild and thrive.
Grab your seat, darlings—this is where the best version of YOU begins.
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The Break-Up Diet
Sabrina Kisseih: Stop Hiding. Start Healing. Breakups Aren’t Failures.
In this episode, we sit down with Sabrina Kisseih, who faced heartbreak on every front—losing her mother and then her boyfriend just a week later. Sabrina shares her raw, honest journey of grief, self-discovery, and eventually finding a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
We talk about leaning on your girlfriends instead of a partner, recognizing red flags, breaking free from societal shame around breakups, and why endings can actually be opportunities for growth. Sabrina’s perspective will make you rethink what it means to heal, love, and rebuild your life on your own terms.
Whether you’re navigating a breakup, grieving a loss, or just want real talk about relationships without the fluff, this episode is for you. Tune in and discover how heartbreak can sometimes lead to your strongest self. 💪✨
Instagram: @thebreakupdietpod
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Email: thebreakupdietpodcast@gmail.com
Hey guys, welcome to the Breakup Diet. We've got such an exciting guest. Welcome to the pod, Sabrina Kisse. Oh, she used the new name.
Sabrina:I love it the new surname. Thank you, lovely to be here.
Ilmz:Oh my God. So Sabrina is a travel influencer, content creator. She is like the ultimate girl's girl. She really helped me with my divorce Like you were really there through the hits of the marriage. You saw it all. You saw me like you helped me come out on the other side and shortly after my breakup you went through a breakup.
Sabrina:I did.
Yaz:Yeah, quite a hefty breakup as well were there any like similar things so that you guys could like relate to each other even more, or were they completely different?
Ilmz:well, you talk about your exes in a very respectful way. I do not, that's true that just shows the kind of breakups we've kind of had.
Sabrina:But yeah, however, my breakup. So what would I have been like? 36, 35, 36. It was just before my 36th birthday and my mom had died like a week before, and he broke up with me.
Ilmz:So let's hear it for the man of the year let's switch it up.
Yaz:We've been holding back way too much.
Sabrina:Welcome to the breakup diet but in his defense, I think the fact I don't have any other parents, so I think the fact that my mom had died and I was like on my own, scared him and then he realized like I'm not quite ready for what she's ready for I think a lot of.
Sabrina:I say men, but this in this case probably boys, I think a lot of them think they know what they want in a relationship and then something happens where they get jarred into a state of reality and they they think, oh my gosh, I'm not actually ready for that. Which do you know what it's fair enough Like? Obviously it was brutal, but everyone is allowed to have their little breakdowns and unfortunately it was at my expense, but it all worked out in the end, so no worries.
Ilmz:How did you grieve the death of your mother and the death of a relationship Like yeah, yeah, it was tricky.
Sabrina:he was meant to be a person to support you do you know what was crazy, though, in that relationship, I never relied on him emotionally. I came out of a relationship where the ex-person was my rock, so I was used to having that emotional stability. So when I went into my next relationship, to be honest with you, it was kind of like a covid situation, like we fell in love, he was cute, he was beautiful and I never really had him as my rock all my girlfriends were so I didn't really need his support in the grieving process. What messed me up was not only had I lost my mom, I'd lost my life, my future plans, like we were having talks about getting married and having kids. I was, you know, nearly 36 and that's kind of an age where most people would get a bit scared about that. So, yeah, I didn't. It didn't get in the way of grieving my mummy because I had my friends for that, but it did definitely like it was something like I really my whole life like was from scratch once again.
Yaz:I didn't depend on my ex for anything, I don't think. And then the one time I kind of switched to depend on him, like I just needed like a hug, nothing else, I literally said I just need a hug, and then that's when he dumped me it's mad, isn't it?
Sabrina:I was like, yeah, it's crazy. Did you know, though? Because I went into that relationship knowing what I was doing, like I knew, even though I thought we were gonna get married, have kids and whatever I knew in my mind like, right, you're never gonna be that person for me, which saying that out loud sounds crazy. But I think in my mind I was like, okay, cool, I don't need a man, I'll take this cute little beautiful thing. That's, like you know, wonderful in every other aspect. He was a lovely guy, but I never thought like I would rely on him for anything. Did you know that in your relationship?
Yaz:yeah, yeah we all know right, we know what we're doing like I knew I wasn't going to be able to rely on him for certain things, but I think I was like tricking myself, maybe like I wanted to too yeah and oh, I don't need him to be that person for me, but it's not what you kind of do like yeah, I think everyone needs someone that they can like rely on as you want your partner to be there for lying yeah, even if you are like a strong, independent woman, you do need like it's nice to have somebody to like be your teammate yeah.
Sabrina:and what's crazy is when you go into a new relationship and you find your teammate, you will look back I can promise you this and think why did I think it was acceptable to not have that in my previous relationship because I still don't talk bad about it. I had a great relationship but knowing what I was lacking now in what I have in my current relationship and marriage, it's absolutely wild to me that I would think that I didn't need that before. I think I just got so fixated on like I'm enough. My friends have me, but unfortunately your friends will not have you for life, and that's not a nasty thing to say. My friends are my everything, but friends go through their own battles. They'll have kids, they'll get married. Every single one of my friends that has got married and had kids like they speak to me less, like my reach out is just the same. There's less, and that is normal and it's natural.
Sabrina:so I think, if ever I mean I'm married now but if I were to give anyone advice coming out of that style of relationship, it's, it's so wonderful to be independent, but you are going to need that rock because your girlfriends won't be there forever, sadly, and it's different from a friendship you're so right yeah, and I feel like friends sometimes, depending on your friendships, but they don't necessarily call you out that much because it's not really their place, like we'll just kind of laugh it off, whereas a true partner will will call you out and they'll hold you accountable life, yeah yeah I mean, I do call out quite a bit, as do I, but you know a lot of people won't oh, you definitely do, you definitely do with you, because you need it. I will assess the situation. You need it.
Yaz:Ilma normally calls me out too, so like.
Ilmz:I feel like it's good to hear that you call her out, yeah, no, but genuinely with, like, handling breakups. Everything that I've learned, everything that I preach here, is literally you, word for word, like the fact that you were like, oh, your life's not going to be over, that is a big thing we preach about here. The fact that you're going to find your passion, the fact that you're going to find your passion, that is such a huge thing that we preach here.
Yaz:Yeah, yeah, it's also hard when you are going through a breakup. So obviously, like I'm going through one now, like it's hard because I also don't have another experience with somebody else, because he was my first boyfriend. Be like, oh, it's fine because somebody else will come, that's better because I don't have any other. Like I've never gone through that experience of finding somebody better yet.
Sabrina:Yeah, you know what I mean. I do know what you mean. However, I feel like there's there's a bit of a risk in saying finding someone better because for me for you yeah well, especially now I know that your relationship wasn't that solid.
Sabrina:But even for people who have broken up with someone that they genuinely thought they were in the best relationship ever, you know they thought they were their rock and their welcome's crashing down like we find this a lot when you know one party cheats and it's completely like out of the blue and you have to break up with them for you know your own sort of sense of self. I think people like that it's much more difficult to think like will I find anyone else better? Like if you had something not quite there in your relationship, it's easier because you think, okay, that was missing. But there are people that go through a breakup with the best person on the planet ever. I've also been through a breakup like that where I could not fault that man, like he was my everything, like I've never said a bad word about him, we barely had an argument.
Sabrina:But our timelines just didn't align and I feel like a lot of the time with relationships it feels like the world is crashing down. But really it's. It's a gift, it's an opportunity at any point and you will go through the ups and downs, but that is all you know for the plot, as we say nowadays, but also like you're. It might not be that you find somebody better, but you'll find somebody that you will work together and create that beautiful relationship and you'll find out new things about yourself and you'll think, oh, maybe actually like I wasn't my best self when I was with them yeah, so it's not just an opportunity to find somebody better.
Sabrina:It's an opportunity for you to find what better is as a whole. Does that make sense?
Ilmz:like you can become better. That's really inspiring. Yeah, I was not my best self in my previous relationship like I feel a much better person like now in my current one the fact that you were able to start over is so inspiring, and the fact that you still found the person for you, because sometimes I still think like, oh, like. Even though my ex-husband wasn't my person we all know that I just do think like is he ever out there? Oh my gosh.
Yaz:Yes, I think that too, and I've only had one boyfriend there's, so many people out there.
Sabrina:Someone's going to work, you know yeah.
Ilmz:Yeah, and how did you just kind of drop your guard when you found your person? Because that's what I'm struggling with. I'm very like icebox.
Sabrina:I think that is a just a personality trait. In general, I love love and I've had really good relationships, you know, with everything I do in life. I'm quite a positive, passionate person. So I feel like that's how. If I go through a breakup, I'm quite a positive, passionate person. So I feel like that's how, if I go through a breakup, I'm just thinking, oh my gosh, like I get to do this all again. It's the best bit, like meeting them, falling in love with them, like the awkwardness of like seeing each other in different, you know, situations, meeting their friends, meeting their family. Like I just always put a positive outlook on that. It's like that saying of always assume the best is going to happen until the worst does, or oh my god, I love that.
Ilmz:Okay, I needed to hear that. Yeah, that's so nice.
Yaz:Like it also that is true, it's so cute when you first start dating somebody and you're like you, even, for example, this maybe this is just me, but like, like, your legs will like or your arms will graze, and you're like oh my god, graze is next level.
Sabrina:That's the that your heart goes yeah, you're like oh, oh, is he thinking the same thing?
Sabrina:yeah and that's so fun. So you just you get to have that again like heartbreak is heartbreak. I'm never gonna come on and be like, oh you know, don't be sad. And it's, it's. It's not shit, it is it, 1000% is. But so many things are shit in life, sadly, I mean. Look at the state of the world, you know. But there is also still that hope and that beauty, and one of the best things is falling in love for the first time again and and you discover just so much about yourself and them and it's yeah, it's a gift. That sounds so corny, but it kind of is.
Ilmz:It is. It's such a short life that we live and for us to be able to restart that a few times, because think about our grandparents, our grandparents generation. They weren't able to find love all over again like the way we do if they were divorced. That's it. They're like cussed out of society. Yeah, and look at us like able to meet new people, and no one's judging us for our past, no one's stigmatizing for the fact that you and I are both divorced. Yeah, like with the whole divorce thing, you are my only friend who's been through it and you were the only friend who was excited for my future. Yeah, everyone else. I could feel that they were scared of me and I could feel like, oh, like I wouldn't want to be in her shoes.
Sabrina:I can tell you why, though because you didn't own it, you were your own worst enemy in the divorce. My divorce was was heartbreaking. I did not want it to happen. Ours was, as I said, a timeline thing, like he was ready for babies far before I was. It was heartbreaking, but I'd been through that and I hadn't really come out the other end, but I saw. Like you know, life, unfortunately, is not black and white. There's a lot of gray areas, and you know from that gray flowers may bloom type vibes. You knew that you were in a bad relationship.
Ilmz:I had so much shame I was carrying so much shame of, like, having a broken relationship or having a divorce, or the fact that it just wasn't perfect, or the fact that I had this sense of idea that society's mean to single women. It's like better to have that social status of being married, being with someone just so I seem normal, just so, which is crazy, because he was not a prize.
Sabrina:I think the opposite. I think women are far kinder to you. When you're single, I think more women want to be your friends. I think people see you as like more fun when you're single, like when you're married, people all of a sudden stop inviting you to certain things, which is crazy, because you haven't changed as a person. So I personally disagree, but I learned that now obviously yeah, yeah, but back then the shame ate me up and the need to have the big, flamboyant wedding.
Ilmz:Yeah, because I got married just before covid so I never got to have that big white dress fairy tale wedding. I just had like a quick, like islamic wedding in my living room.
Sabrina:Oh sorry, tmi no, but this is good, because you, when we were first talking about your divorce, you wanted to get married and then divorce after divorce she didn't want to go through everything but not have the big party, and she was dead serious.
Yaz:Hang on, let's stop this for a sec, subscribe and follow the breakup diet.
Ilmz:You don't want to miss another episode struggling with shame was, like, honestly, my biggest downfall, and I feel like I've only realized that, after compartmentalizing my breakup to people who are, I guess, on the cusp of a breakup or have gone through a breakup, how do we tell them to deal with shame?
Sabrina:it's personal. I think any emotion is personal. It's based on your background, your religious belief, the home that you grew up in. It is personal. However, we are living in a very different day and age and do you know what's quite nice and I know this isn't nice in terms of us seeing it, but we're seeing a lot of very famous people, whether they're day-to-day influencers. You know, 20 million followers but, still, they're day-to-day you know, 20 million followers but still their day-to-day.
Sabrina:They're filming what they're eating for dinner, that kind of thing. You know we're seeing them go through divorces or you know, second, third divorces in some cases for these big stars, and it's I know it shouldn't be normalized because it's a sacred oath and all this kind of thing. But life changes, people's circumstances change. You know, you, there's many things that you agree to with every being in your soul and then it gets to a point where you think this actually isn't beneficial for me or my partner. People will be putting their partners through hell because they wanna keep it together, you know. And it can be like that person is not at all fulfilled in their needs whatsoever.
Sabrina:And I also think that there's this huge stigma of, if you get divorced, you had a bad marriage. That gets on my great so much because you can have the most beautiful relationship. And you see it in celebrities where they make this beautiful statement everyone's like whatever he cheered, and it's like or or. They could actually mean what they're saying and they grew up and they became different people and they wanted different things. And whatever the case may be like, I truly believe you can break up amicably. I believe that you can have had the best relationship ever. But it gets to a point in your life where you're both going on different paths and, like I know, marriage is about sacrifice. But is it really about, like, the big things about children, about moving country? Somebody changes their religion, somebody you know, their ideals change halfway through. You're going to put each other through that. That, to me, just doesn't make sense. I feel like owning it makes people respond to you so much differently.
Sabrina:It makes people think you're. You know there's a huge difference, and I don't think this is fair. But between somebody owning it that, oh, you're so strong, oh my gosh, you're starting over again, you're so strong, whereas if you go in with a little bit, you know more of a timid approach of like oh I don't know if should I leave him, should I not? Then people?
Ilmz:tend to be a little less like there for you, which is not right.
Sabrina:I felt so much pity from everyone else, but with you you really like showed me so much light and as soon as things kind of kicked off and you know we separated, I'm like wait, sabrina, I'm actually fine, yeah I think it's age as well, like we have a big age gap and I've been through and seen things and my friends have been through and seen things and when you're younger, you know, even if you're in your late 20s, you're still young in terms. Oh, you're so dumb in your late 20s still you're not dumb, you're in your mid-20s.
Yaz:Yeah, yes, you're stupid.
Sabrina:You're not dumb, you just haven't seen things. It's that whole black and white theory, like when I was younger I wouldn't even you date someone that smoked. I wouldn't go, you know, near someone who had once posted that like everything is not black and white. And the older you get you'll see so many people go through things. I know people that have been in relationships where the cheating has been next level and they are both aware of this cheating and they hold their head up high and they come to dinner parties and everyone you know, not a blink of an eye. You there's so many complexities in relationships that you see as people age in those relationships that you're just not. You don't see it when you're younger because people haven't got there in that relationship. I don't know if you get wiser, you just clock things easier I've noticed that, you see more
Sabrina:and you're more empathetic because people you know and love have been through it. If you told me that one of my friends would be having an affair when I was 18, I'd be like, well, I can't be friends with them. Then I can't be friends with someone who's having an affair when I was 18 because that, to me, is like who would do that? Why would someone break up a family? You know, if you ask me now, there would be so much more of a complex questioning. That went on by me, you know, and, like you, find yourself in scenarios that you just think how am I here? How is this happening? But it's someone you love.
Yaz:I saw something like the other day and it was like this girl talking about like life and everything, and she was like what I didn't know in my early 20s is that you can have so many emotions, like opposite emotions, at the same time yes, like for example, right now I'm obviously upset about my breakup but, like also, as you said, I actually had a good relationship.
Yaz:Yeah, I couldn't like rely on him for emotional support and that sort of thing, but our actual time together was really nice, so I have a lot of love for him. But then I'm also really upset and like angry. So I've have two massive emotions like at him right now at the same time.
Ilmz:So it's like really hard to navigate yeah, you just want one emotion to win at a time. When it's like so many, it gets so conflicting, and then you kind of start bargaining with yourself, with the concept of the relationship being like you know, it's not that bad, maybe I can stay.
Sabrina:Yeah, this is what people do, even more so, though I don't think that gets better when you're older. In fact it gets worse, because people they say, the older you get, the less you put up with and, like you're, you're more on it. Every relationship I know, but a few, is the opposite, where they've got to a point where they want kids, they want to get married, all their friends are married and they put up with things that they absolutely would not have put up with in their 20s that have been like this guy's whatever off I go, I've got time. Whereas when people get over the age of 35 this is very common they start to settle and.
Sabrina:I know I'm very glad for the, for the TikTok social movement of like girl don't settle, and I love that we see so many women, myself included, who start completely over again at 35 and, you know, end up in such great scenarios. It's good for us to see that. But a lot of people didn't have that social media presence of you know, don't settle and therefore they are in relationships and they've been in them for a number of years because they were just desperate to have kids. Kids is just so tricky once you get to 35. If you think you're struggling with breakups now, when you get older and you want a family, it's. It becomes tricky because then your brain's got a whole other emotion of like, okay, but would he be a good dad?
Yaz:oh gosh breakups are already hard enough for me, I don't know. Please just the next one. Just don't let me have that again. I've had one, not again.
Ilmz:You don't want another breakup. No, no, same same. I'm like two is enough.
Sabrina:The next person I'm gonna date is gonna be b1 that's putting a lot of pressure on you and the person you're about to be. That's why I'm not dating. Okay, I don't condone any of this. I'm the opposite. When I'm dating, dating for me is the funnest thing ever. Because I'm like, okay, what can I learn about myself? Them like it's so much fun when you're dating with intention. I find that trickier when you're like looking for reasons to think they're a good guy because, again, when you're older, you're not looking for reasons not to like them, which you do in your 20s. You're like no, when you're older, it's like okay, well, he's not quite that handsome, but like, okay, he's got a really good job. Like okay, well, he doesn't sound like he wants kids just yet, but like he's got a big family. So they're probably putting pressure your brain again, not my personal brain, but this is the brain of like people 35 plus. It's how they work. It's you're thinking a lot more than is this guy nice.
Yaz:I feel like that makes so much sense, though, because, obviously, when your friends like go off and they're not around as much wanting to hang so much, then you like you're, you do want to find your person, because you're like, oh my god, like I don't want to just be sat alone all the time, like yeah, and you start meeting someone that you've been dating for a few months and you're even saying to your friends like, yeah, it's all mine.
Sabrina:No, but it happens. It's so wonderful when you meet someone and you love them so much and like you just want to stitch yourself into them and like you know, like there's nothing like that feeling of just wanting to be like physically attached to your partner at all times oh, love is so beautiful and I can't wait to experience that again.
Ilmz:I'm not ready just yet, but yeah, me too.
Yaz:I'm not ready just yet I can tell you that much. But yes me too, how do you not take, like yeah, the past stuff in?
Ilmz:I think yeah, that's tricky.
Sabrina:You know, even if you had a nice relationship, it's still like sometimes that's worse, because then you're comparing oh no right, imagine having the perfect relationship. And then you meet a guy and you're like, excuse me, this is not the treatment I'm used to oh no babe, what are you scared about?
Ilmz:it's not like he gave you much.
Yaz:You guys were long distance yeah, but like he was, like nice, you'll find there's lots of nice.
Sabrina:Yeah, nice is an easy one. There's a lot of nice guys. I feel like nice is a good benchmark. You'll be safe. Okay, good, I just want someone nice, supportive.
Yaz:Funny. These are very easy standards to me.
Sabrina:But in terms of taking baggage from an ex-relationship, that's on you and it doesn't ever get easier. In fact, again, I feel like it gets harder the older you get, I still have to give myself therapy. You know, I went to therapy for 10 years just to become who I am today. In general, when something happens in my relationship and I'm like, and I'm like, hold up, is this, is this him, or is this you? And it's nine times out of ten me, but I will preach therapy until the cows come home.
Sabrina:so 100 short answer for that one isn't it 100 and the guy to have gone to therapy as well. You notice instantly when, when your man's gone to therapy as well oh, there's such a different level of, like, emotional intelligence.
Ilmz:Yeah, we never had a fight me and my ex because we both just knew how to communicate, because we were both very heavily therapized yeah, yeah therapy is key absolutely yeah, I don't think I've ever dated somebody who's gone to therapy, to be fair. Oh, then you're to find your next partner will be 10 times better because he'll have gone to therapy. I mean, it's still quite rare in men, I think.
Sabrina:I don't think it's common for guys to go to therapy now. It's expensive, that's the thing.
Ilmz:Yeah.
Sabrina:It's that whole like nonsense of if he wanted to, he would Like I to, he would like I. I. Personally, I don't really like that saying just because I feel like, because there's so many things I want to do and I haven't done.
Ilmz:Yeah, or like that I would love to.
Sabrina:I would love ilma to buy you a house because you're my friend and I love you.
Ilmz:I love you so much all the time whenever I'm there.
Sabrina:Yeah, but I can't neither I really want to me too, and we still love each other yeah, and we're really good friends yeah that's such a toxic quote that if you wanted to, he would yeah yeah, let's change it to something like you know, if he wanted to make you feel special, he would, or something like that, like more specific yeah, or like you know, you know, if he sees you, he sees you. Yes, because I feel like there's so much pressure on men nowadays.
Ilmz:It's nice to have dates and being taken care of. But as a young guy, as like a grad doing a grad job, how am I supposed to pay like 200 pounds every week for a day and like still survive on like london expenses? Yeah? That is hard like I completely empathize with it, but equally I want them to pay yeah, but you're looking for a certain type of guy as well.
Sabrina:Paying's different. Listen, I am very much in the non 50-50 club.
Ilmz:Okay, same same, but I also equally empathize with, like these young boys.
Sabrina:Well, I empathize for them when you've got girls, like you know, getting the 10,000 rose bouquet or going on private jets or their boyfriends constantly buying them Birkins and that kind of thing, paying for the date.
Sabrina:No, that's that's for me, that's like no question. You know I don't believe in 50 50 personally, unless one of you's earning substantially more money. That's a completely different situation, right, I still believe in like women being treated, but I mean the pressure of what we see, of you know it's enough when we see other women with so much money and they're doing all of these wonderful things. And you know it's enough when we see other women with so much money and they're doing all of these wonderful things. But I know that that kind of content can be damaging. And it's the same when you see a woman, you know, and their husband's like taking them to Hermes and spending all this money on them. And I've seen women like kind of like fall into themselves almost watching those TikToks because it's like, oh, you know, my boyfriend doesn't do that for me. And it's because it's like, oh, you know my boyfriend doesn't do that for me and it's it's really really sad, pure brain rot.
Ilmz:I have to click not interested anything that's like dating related which is funny because we do talk about relationships and dating. I'm like not interested because it's just so like you need to get this, you have to expect this. If he's not doing that, oh, like yeah, I'm just like I don't need to hear it, I don't need to compare anything to anyone.
Sabrina:And listen, like want what's best for yourself Absolutely, and like you know, if you have that man that's sharing you with their maids because that's his means, then fair enough. But also like if you meet this beautiful guy with a stable job that can take you to Venice for a weekend trip, that is amazing, that is absolutely.
Sabrina:that is still like top 1%, you know. Or buys you multiple flowers for your birthday or does something thoughtful, like that is still such high level in the grand scheme of how other relationships are and I think it's so easy to forget that.
Yaz:Yeah, or buys you flowers for Valentine's Day. That would be nice, oh God.
Ilmz:Gosh, Do you see what I mean when she's like am I going to find someone nice? I'm like if that's what your nice is, you will, your nice is.
Yaz:Bare minimum. I'm going to hold back here because you're going through a breakup and I don't want to.
Sabrina:you know, I'm not going to give you the full Ilma spiel, because oh my God, I got it.
Yaz:You can give it to me off camera.
Ilmz:Yeah, ilma can give it to me off camera. Yeah, yeah, I really got it. I really did. I needed it. Like you saved me, like if I didn't have you, I don't know how I would have navigated it.
Sabrina:My argument was more why are you prolonging this? Because you'd already decided that you did not want to be with him anymore and you were kind of like prolonging the process.
Sabrina:For for reasons for literal- social status for religion, for culture, yeah, and, and more reasons, and there's gonna be all of them. When you're in a relationship and for me it was a case of why I can't understand what's happening here and then you were also and this is hilarious to think of right now you were also thinking like I'm just what, were you like 25 or something crazy? She was also saying to me like, oh, you know, I just don't think I'll meet anyone else because you know I'm older. Imagine saying this to me. I would have been like 34 at the time, or whatever it was like nonsense, absolute nonsense.
Sabrina:You didn't think you would find. You didn't think you would find anyone.
Yaz:It is true, though, like when you go through a breakup, it is hard not to think like you really think like doom and gloom like it's all or nothing kind of thing it's
Sabrina:such a toxic way of thinking, but when you're in there it's so hard not to also I tell you what it is, I think, is you're annoyed at yourself because you've given this person I've been there in my last one like four years of my life. I knew all along you weren't really like the one for me, like I still think we had a wonderful relationship and I do not regret it at all, but you know that you've put four years into it. So you're like, do I like just really like, like try and like trudge through this and like put more work into it? Or if they break up with you, then you're just like four years, like that's.
Sabrina:It's very easy to just assume that like that was a waste of time. I say in air quotes a waste of time. It never is, but it feels like that and I feel like a lot of the time. That's the kicker. When you first start dating someone it's like, oh, you know, it's been three months and they might get better. Then you end up into like a longer time period. Then it's like, well, I've spent all this time now and they've got a bit better at this, this and this, so like I'll keep going and you kind of just have to you know again therapy yourself and be like okay, well, I learned that you know I can go to my friends for emotional support and you, you do learn things. It's an annoying tricky.
Ilmz:You know expense you really have to train your brain, for it's hard work training your brain, but you've got to commit to it because for me, when I went through all of that, I at the end of time was like there is no way I'm going to put myself through that.
Yaz:There is no way I'm going to settle like that ever again like, but I don't know, so I don't think you know somebody until quite far in, really so then like, if I'm being, I don't fully feel like I knew my ex fully, like because, number one, we're long distance, we didn't never live together, you're not always around each other, so how could you? So then like, even for these things to happen, you have to like, it has to be, you have to be with them.
Sabrina:A long time, yeah, oh for sure, and condensed time as well, yeah like I'm not my full self. I hold my hands up high like I'm like queen for the first few months of the relationship. Like lure, lure them in, you know. Like if they then fall in love with the crazy afterwards, great stuff, but no one's their full self the second they meet someone.
Yaz:Like you're putting your best foot forward and you're like you want them to, like you do.
Sabrina:You've not had a tantrum about not finding an outfit, yet you know they're not in your house. When you can't find a Kirby grip Like that's a whole new person. Living together is massive, that's massive and that's when you really I think and that's why I say to my friends like live with someone as soon as possible. I know other people disagree, but I'm like move in with them asap I work out if it's like when you're older, of course not in your like early 20s I actually agree with it.
Yaz:I don't think it's like I think it's a massive thing, but I think it's the best thing to do. If you want to know if this is actually going to work, yeah, and pay half rent.
Sabrina:At that point you want to know that if something happens between you two, that place is just as much yours as theirs. Let them treat you dinner bills, all that kind of stuff. But if something goes wrong in that relationship, you don't want to be in a position where you're like, oh gosh, well, now I need to move as well, because then you won't, you'll put up with all the other stuff. Whereas if you know that you've gone into that like half and half, you either get a roommate or you end the tenancy or whatever the case may be. But there's so much power in that first like-.
Ilmz:I'm telling you, financial security is so important for women to have, Like never stop working, never stop chipping in. You know you can approach it in a more equitable way and pay in proportion to each other's salary.
Sabrina:Want that in a more equitable way and pay in proportion to each other's salary. What a lovely sentence, ilma. Yes, exactly, I fully agree. Do you know what I mean? I?
Ilmz:believe in equity more than equality, Like I don't want to do 50-50. If he's earning blah blah blah, I want to pay the 30%. He pays a 70. If that's what the difference is, Love that.
Yaz:Yeah, I think that's fair too. I think, that is way more fair.
Ilmz:I think so too.
Yaz:Equity over everything.
Sabrina:Except when you're having a baby, and then it's like I'm you're giving me money every month. Thank you, sir.
Ilmz:Well, that's what he's paying for a BBL Every.
Sabrina:Every uh contract will be slightly different, but yeah but no, I agree. I think that's a lovely way to put it as well oh, well done, nilma.
Yaz:Thank you, I need that. I feel like. I feel like I'm like. It's like the when the grasshopper becomes like. You know what I mean, like the teacher, and then you're like it truly is.
Ilmz:I'm telling you like everything I've learned from you. It's like seeping into the pod yeah, it's like. Sabrina's legacy.
